Comments on: Why are we here?

By: Karen

Karen — Sun, 05 Feb 2012 02:25:32 +0000

When I started having my own children, I had already raised 3 stepsons. I was a ‘mature’ mom (they told me). We survived the first round of 3 children and 2 working parents, but barely. By the time we started the ‘second’ family, we had made a few discoveries about what we would need to do differently. We survived the early years of the next 2 children, but decided very early on that one of us would become a stay-at-home parent when our daughter got to middle school. We found middle school years the most difficult for the first 3 children and felt we could do better if one parent was stay at home.
Well, that was our goal and the bad economy helped us make the move. My husband became a stay-at-home dad the summer before our oldest daughter entered 6th grade. This move to a single wage earner family was in the planning stage for years. We passed up opportunities in the housing market to move to a large home figuring we’d need the flexibility our small mortgage would give us later on. That helped a lot!
Both girls have THRIVED in the new arrangement. Grades are up, extra curriculars are up, our diets are improved (now that we cook most meals at home), and I still can’t imagine how we both worked and raised 3 kids for 16 years before we figured something had to give.
I don’t know who this arrangement is harder on, me or my husband. I have the added stress of being the sole wage earner and he has to figure out how to keep his brain active when day time television is barely intellectual enough for a 2 year old. What I do know is that the girls are thriving and would NEVER, EVER, EVER choose to have us both working.

By: Tracy

Tracy — Wed, 01 Feb 2012 13:49:10 +0000

Burnout describes EVERY mom I know. Maybe we are all drawn to eachother by our mutual looks of “I’m about to lose it”. Even when I was able to be a stay home mom involved with a large group of other stay home moms, I don’t recall anyone being blissful. If they were, all the other moms would describe them as the “medicated moms”. After my divorce last year I had to make the jump to full time working mother of one 12 year old son. I work 40 hours a week, take care of a one acre property (mowing,etc,) pool upkeep (can’t afford a service), housekeeping, homework, shopping, cooking, you name it. I have had to change my attitude and my expectations. The pool is green? Well, just don’t go in it this week. The toilets need scrubbing and the laundry is overflowing? Well, we will get to it. Instead of waiting for a ball to drop (because I’m a terrible juggler), I just let them fall and deal with it. I fantasize about taking a year off, just to breathe again, figure out my life, come out of my cocoon. This is not possible for financial reasons but I think about it everyday!
I am starting a new job on Monday. Less hours, more flexibility and some sanity. I think this could save my sanity

By: bestelkado.nl - normaal

bestelkado.nl - normaal — Fri, 02 Dec 2011 19:32:33 +0000

Greetings! I know this is kinda off topic but I’d figured I’d ask. Would you be interested in trading links or maybe guest authoring a blog post or vice-versa? My website covers a lot of the same subjects as yours and I think we could greatly benefit from each other. If you are interested feel free to send me an email. I look forward to hearing from you! Awesome blog by the way!

By: Shovon S

Shovon S — Sat, 15 Oct 2011 02:26:23 +0000

Katrina,
I totally agree, most look at my life and think it is all self inflicted and that I just need to chill out.
I am a mother of four sons ( one happens to be my step-son who lives with us) I work full time and I am in college.
Yes it is my fault for waiting until I was well into my thirties to go to school, but how can you blame a person who is looking to better herself.
The worst thing a person can say to me is “take a deep breath” as a solution to the stress, no give me more hours in the day so I can breath.

By: Katrina

Katrina — Wed, 21 Sep 2011 16:37:37 +0000

Laura, I used to feel the same way, until I tried (briefly) being the stay at home mom, and realized I wasn’t cut out for it. That job for me came with a whole other set of difficulties that I hadn’t imagined—financial uncertainty and stress, living life on “kid time,” feeling isolated, not getting any of the self-esteem boosts I get from working with grownups, etc.

We need more options than the ALL option (work crazy hours, live like a rat in a maze) and the NOTHING option (meaning no job, or an underpaid, exploitative Mommy Track “job,” plus shouldering all the kid care).

By: Laura

Laura — Wed, 21 Sep 2011 16:18:56 +0000

I agree. I found this blog and it is just want I need. My neigborhood is filled with stay at home Mom’s. They complain about every little thing and they have no idea what it is like to do everything they do and work 11 hour days! I think if they lived one day of my life it would kill them.

When I started telling my bff that the best part of my day is when I go to bed because the work for the day is over I realized I needed to seek guidance on how to survive parenthood and being a VP in a mans world.
I look forward to reading how others keep their sanity.

By: Keep your foot on the gas pedal? | Working Moms Break

Keep your foot on the gas pedal? | Working Moms Break — Tue, 31 May 2011 19:09:32 +0000

[...] is exactly what I did. And we know where that led. In retrospect, I can see I should have taken my foot off the gas sooner, not [...]

By: Kiran

Kiran — Mon, 02 May 2011 18:43:11 +0000

This is why I started a practice as a life coach for parents. I have one child so far and have been astounded by how difficult it all is. Thanks for your posts. Please check out my website and let me know how I can make my services available to your readership.

By: Yvette

Yvette — Mon, 25 Apr 2011 15:51:11 +0000

I totally agree! I have everything going for me; great husband, 2 healthy boys, great career and we are surrounded by our family members. Then why am I so overwhelmed and full of anxiety. Why do we strive to be the best at all of our roles. Why can’t we accept “it is what it is”. Also I feel we are our worst enemies. There is no one harder on myself than myself. I have decided to work 80% next year as a school teacher. And I feel this is a step for trying to find peace and happiness in my life. I have a long road ahead but I will get that balance in my life. I also believe Less is More!!! Thanks for openning this discussion and making my level of anxiety decress because I see I am not alone.

By: Geny

Geny — Thu, 17 Mar 2011 05:40:08 +0000

Hi everyone,

I am a mom of two daughters, 6 and 7 years old, and I tried to be the superwoman too, people admired me for it and often encouraged me, ended up in a really bad place, broke down and had to take a 6 months leave from work, big burn out.Since my first child, I completed 2 bachelors in university and launched a career in communications (full time) and had to keep my full time job just to make ends meet, get experience, my husband developped his business and it was risky, so we had many challenges, especially financially. I am so happy to find this blog, I really felt alone, but we are not alone, we are just ashamed to say the truth to one another: we feel like unfit at everything we do, overwhelmed, overly tired, irritated, maniacs about to do lists that never end or seem to get longer everytime we look at them to cross something off…women, let’s be honest, this society is insane to think that we can do it all, it’s killing us! And how are we suppose to pay for the house, the car, the bills, food, etc with one salary these days? I want a auto-sufficient house in the woods (no bills to pay) for goodness sake!! and I am not even a big fan of the woods either, I just want out of this rat race!