Comments on: Who clips the nails? (Part IV. How it got this way)

By: Katrina

Katrina — Tue, 30 Aug 2011 00:35:16 +0000

“How do I get him to understand?”

Good question. One blog reader told me she read the whole 4 parts of this post, cried, then sent it to her husband and told him he had to read it. Luckily, he did, and they had a big, long, difficult talk, but they understood each other better after.

Could you get your husband to read it? If not the whole thing, maybe you could just get him to read PART III?

By: Lindsey

Lindsey — Thu, 25 Aug 2011 17:28:51 +0000

This article was helpful but I wish there was something I could just send to my husband so he could see that I am not the only mom who feels overwhelmed by the mental list keeping and planning of everything. We both work full time and I feel like my “to-do” lists never gets check marks while his do. I am divided between 2 worlds and he seems to be ok going to work and letting my daughter stay at daycare an extra hour or 2 while I hate the thought of such a long day away from her. This results in me doing both drop off and pick up. I know part of this is on me and am very grateful for how helpful he is, I just wish he could get inside my mind one day to feel the stress and emotions of the 9 million things I am constantly juggling. How do I get him to understand?

By: Who clips the nails? (Part III. Why it’s not fair) | Working Moms Break

Who clips the nails? (Part III. Why it’s not fair) | Working Moms Break — Mon, 11 Jul 2011 18:34:17 +0000

[...] my next post, I’ll share some of reasons people felt they didn’t do a better job of sharing the [...]

By: Kate D

Kate D — Tue, 10 Aug 2010 13:39:12 +0000

I was speaking to one of my students, Lydia, the other day and she “confessed” that she’d rather stay at home with the kids than have a career. She feels tremendous pressure from her mom (a doctor) and dad (wealthy businessman) to become a doctor. She believes her brothers think she’s stupid and she has to prove that she isn’t by going to a top college and getting her degree.
She worries that when other women ask her what she does she will be dismissed as not worthy.

She personally suffered from her mom going back to work when she was an infant. At the age of 10 her mother fired the nanny because Lydia started identifying the nanny as her mother. The mother cut off all contact with the nanny.

Ironically her older brothers never liked the nanny but I pointed out that the nanny displaced the mother in the boys eyes and was resented.

BTW this is not an American family but first world.

Unfortunately we do have to make choices. I had another student, John, years ago tell me that he was dating a fellow lawyer. They were discussing marriage and family -she insisted she would work after having children. John said he’d be happy to stay home with the children. The girl (not a woman in my eyes) said “I could never respect a man who stayed home with the children.”

We so undervalue children.

By: mom2gcnj

mom2gcnj — Sun, 01 Aug 2010 15:34:03 +0000

“I don’t really get the obsession with having a ‘profession’”.

I am totally with you there Kate!

By: Kate D

Kate D — Fri, 23 Jul 2010 18:05:00 +0000

I just erased everything I wrote. It boils down to “relax”. Try to see what will really matter in 20 years. You don’t have to do it all. And “recorded books” make tedious work more doable.
My grown kids still love me NOT because I kept a clean house (I didn’t) or paid the bills (I mostly did) or got them yearly physicals (never). But we had fun together and spent lots of time together. I ran my own business so I could work the hours I wanted and needed to, to make ends meet. I never worked more than I “had” to.
I don’t really get the obsession with having a “profession”. I would have preferred staying home full time and letting hubby do the grunt work.
My most meaningful activity right now is raising organic poultry for home consumption and having an extensive garden. I still work to help pay the mortgage.