A couple weeks ago I attended The Sun magazine writing workshop at the Esalen Institute. It was heaven if your idea of heaven is writing and talking about writing all day at the foggy edge of a sea cliff, with some natural hot tubs and a yurt thrown in for good measure.
On the last day five writers—writers of novels, memoirs, poetry, and an online culture magazine—told us their secrets for making time to write. At least three of them were parents. Most of their advice could easily apply to carving out any personal time, whether that involves writing or not. Here’s what they said:
Stephen Elliott: The one thing all writers agree on is that you have to write seven days a week, even if it’s only for 15 minutes.
[Note: Actually, no one agreed with Stephen. It sucks to go first…But later he said something really interesting about how we place too much emphasis on “talent”—that the people we think of as great writers or artists just want it more, so they do it more.]
Cheryl Strayed: I can’t write every day. I have kids. I’m a binge writer. I make dates with myself to write. Sometimes I check into a hotel in my town and I’ll write for 48 hours.
Pat MacEnulty: You have to turn off the Internet when it’s time to write. Sit in a cafe, don’t bring your computer. Pretend the wait staff are counting on you to meet your deadline…Sometimes I get really depressed and all worked up…then I write and it’s like I took my meds. All better.
Michael Shapiro: There’s a German word that means “stick your ass to the chair.” You have to sit there and just do it…You have to do a lot of bad writing to get to the good writing. I try to stop in the middle so I know where to pick up the next day.
[Note: Sitzfleisch = “The ability to endure or carry on with an activity.”]
Ellen Bass: I usually sit down feeling hopeless. You’re always writing in the shadow of the greats. I tell myself it’s a privilege to put my little pebble on the alter of poetry…I had a student once, a young single mom who could only do 10 minutes a day, but she did it every day…You have to honor your time, even if it’s only that 10 minutes. Take out your calendar, pick a time, and then reserve it for yourself like you would if you have a dentist appointment that would take three months to schedule. If your friend needs a ride to the airport then, you have to say no. You have to become less nice.
So to summarize:
- Make time for yourself every day, even if it’s only 15 minutes.
- Make dates with yourself. Binge.
- The time you make for yourself may be better than meds.
- Sit your ass in the chair.
- Be less nice.
What about you? What are your tricks for carving out writing time, or any kind of personal time?
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{ 11 comments… read them below or add one }
I don’t have any tricks. For me a binge usually involves food. However, this rings completely true. I know that if I follow even two of these guidelines I am a happier and more productive person/mother.
Sitzfleisch. Sitzfleisch. Sitzfleisch. O marvelous word, why am I meeting you only just now?
I agree with Stephen. Do I always do as Stephen says? Hell no. But when I do, it pays off. The trick (for me) is: Write every day, even just for 15 minutes, even if it feels like hell, and even if every darn line is crap. If I stick to it despite the crappy feelings, eventually I break through to language that is felt and true.
Yes! You have to write the “shitty first draft” as Anne Lamott calls it.
Maybe we should think of a lot of the things we do this way, not just writing. It’s so easy to get paralyzed by perfectionism. It’s a relief, almost, to know you can’t get it right the first time. You just have to try and keep trying…
I love this blog, and i love hearing advice from other parents, whatever their line of work/art. I like Ellen’s advice. As i do more therapy, to figure out how to manage being a working mom of two (even working 3 days a week feels like overload), i’m becoming less nice to others, and more nice to myself. Because before I was way too ‘nice’ and doing way too much for others. Saying ‘yes’ less often, and ‘no’ a little more feels good. To get done the things i WANT to get done (like, dance), i have to schedule it in Outlook, and have the support of my partner (and no icecream in the house) to actually get out the door and do it.
NaNaWriMo does wonders for me. I’m competitive, I like an intense project and I resonate to a deadline. I also think that knowing there are 200,000 other people suffering along with me helps as I nod out like a junkie over my keyboard.
This reminds me of advice that you (Katrina) gave me when we were in college together and I was agonizing over writing a paper – you said something like “Stop thinking about doing it well. Just get it down on paper quickly and then you can go back and filter out the gems.” It worked and it’s advice that I’ve remembered for over 15 years and still repeat to myself when I feel paralyzed by thinking I need to produce perfection. You don’t need those fancy writers to tell you their “secrets” – you’ve already got the secrets to share with others!
How cool that that advice still works for you, Stef! Works for me, too. Let’s say a silent “thank you” to Natalie Goldberg. It was her idea.
Thank you! That means a lot to me at this time also! I appreciate it and I am going to use it!!!
I love this blog.
This post makes me think of the book Outliers by Malcolm Gladwell. His basic premise is that to become really good at something you have to do it a lot, and I mean a lot. The people who are at the tops of their fields, such as Bill Gates and the Beatles, put in around 10,000 hours at whatever activity they excelled at. The thing he doesn’t really address is why you’d want to put in 10,000 hours at something – I think there has to be some sort of spark. But the idea that you can excel at anything if you spend enough time at it is great. As a parent it’s key.
@Jenny I’ve always wanted to do Nanowrimo but I feel like I need to be in love with a plot to commit. Maybe next year.
@Pam I think about that book all the time (Outliers). It’s comforting to think if you want it badly enough, its yours for the taking. Another book on this theme that I liked is “Mastery” by George Leonard. He talks about hitting plateaus, how they’re necessary, and you have to expect them and push through, even when you think you aren’t making progress. That def’ly applies to parenting. And writing. And a lot of other things.
I can’t seem to find time to shower, i despair of ever finding time to write. Thanks for this article though, it gives me hope…now if only someone would give me an extra 15 minutes 🙂
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