Nomi is a working mom in Washington DC. She has two boys (age 2 and 6) and heads up the U.S. office of a UK-based family planning charity organization. She sent me an email about two news stories that piqued her interest, and I thought it would make for an interesting discussion on the blog.
Guest post by Nomi Rachel Montgomery
I’m a working (80%) mom and generally I suck up every minute of my commute on the subway, nose to blackberry, getting out the last emails before I abandon work mode for mama mode. But, one day last week I had to drive to the car dealership after work. So despite the insane amount of traffic, I relaxed into the idea that I couldn’t work and drive, and tuned in to NPR. Two back-to-back stories mentioning high profile people trying to balance work and family obligations caught my attention.
First, as everyone knows, Robert Gibbs announced his departure from the White House. While not surprising, as it’s been played as part of normal staff rotation and attrition, what was a bit surprising to me was the NPR focus for his main reason for leaving—his young son! In fact, the one live quote they played was Mr. Gibbs talking about how his little guy needed a ride to school every now and then. Of course there’s more to the back story, but that night, on prime time, a highly regarded professional male was talking about his choice to scale back and spend more time parenting.
Then, the very next story was about Virginia Seitz, who was nominated by the White House to lead the Justice Department’s Office of Legal Counsel. The story talked about Mrs. Seitz’s distinguished legal career. But what really struck me was that (again!) NPR highlighted her choices in the past to work part time to balance parenting with her career. In fact, Mrs. Seitz actually WALKED OUT of a job that had allowed her to work part time but would not give that same option to other working moms. And it was this very point, her ability to stand up for what’s right (in this case the need for part-time options for working moms) that was described as just the kind of bold leadership she will bring to her new position.
Could this be some indication of progress? The fact that the media focused on work/life struggles of these two high-profile figures, and that both stories showcased these choices in such a favorable light? Seems to me perhaps a new level of recognition about these struggles.
What do you think? When people like Robert Gibbs and Virginia Seitz talk about their need to balance work and family, does this indicate a shift? And if so, do you think it may eventually trickle down to create a culture change?
{ 13 comments… read them below or add one }
I’m not a mom but I think (and I’ll say this) in a small way/scale large cities or certain companies/organizations have been trying to accommodate over the past 20 years or so with incorporating/offering day care, offering some level of flexibility, work from home options, as well as paternity leave.
Admittedly I haven’t done any research but what about the Family Leave Act that is part of legislation?
I guess I’m thinking when ever a better idea of dealing with folks in situations like caring for children or/and older family members begins to clash with fulfilling job obligations, people are making changes. The question is what kind of noise do you actually want to make and what break exactly are you looking for?
I’m curious about how many companies may already be offering part-time options to moms or single parents. This could be something to look into further, as well as their (the companies) success with doing so.
Please don’t mistake me, I’m not condemning the idea of part-time work options, but are you getting all of your friends and everyone you know to sign petitions and putting it to your local and state representatives? Companies and profit organizations don’t usually move unless there’s legislation telling them they have to. I just remember my mother (who worked while raising 5 of us) telling stories how her mother (politically active) would go straight to the governor’s office when she had complaints or things weren’t they way she liked (say in the public schools). I know these days visiting the governor’s office is not a likely option but we can talk about change all day long until someone actually gets up and starts making it. Peace.
I, too, have wondered why more working moms have not taken to the streets and demanded more family friendly work environments—after all, there are so many of us who are very educated, competant and productive members of the work force. My opinion is most work environments make women feel guilty for wanting any flexibility at all and if they get it, they appear to be slacking to the rest of the staff. Most of us wind up feeling like we are not doing a good job at work or at home which leads to alot of frustration.
Totally agree. I think our guilt holds us back to some extent. Many of us feel like we’re cheating on our employers when we take time off to take care of a sick kid or do anything else kid-related.
(I type this as my 3 yr old lies sleeping on the couch with a stomach flu. If he’d been sick yesterday instead of today, I’d be screwed because I was leading a 3 hour workshop yesterday and my husband was out of town. I would have had to cancel at the last minute, and of course, I’d feel terrible.)
Based on my admittedly limited experience in the corporate world, it seems to me that the values at the top tend to be the only values that are valued in the culture of a company. At one company that I worked for, the values at the top seemed to be: being smart and working super hard to get the job done no matter how ill-advised or ridiculous. (I’m painting with a very broad brush here.) Whereas those of us in the middle or at the bottom of the hierarchy mostly valued: giving the customer a creative, high-quality product and work-life balance. (Most of us who weren’t parents had an artistic pursuit outside the office — that’s NYC for you.) But our values did not much inform the company at the level where all the big decisions were made. I don’t know if a shift at the top is really happening (though these stories are indeed cause for hope), but in the absence of the kind of legislation that Sumiko is talking about, it seems to me that a shift at the top is necessary.
I’ve had the same experience as you, Rachael, that culture comes from the top, but it helps when you have a lot of coworkers with kids or other responsibilities outside of work…
@jax, completely feel the same way, there are good days when work and home life goes well, but then there are certainly many time when frustration mounts and it feels like things on all fronts are falling a bit apart…
@sumiko – its a nice idea for more legislated work/life balance options. I used to work for the federal gov’t and as you know, there is NO paid maternity leave. awful – even FMLA really only helps if you have some financial security to take that time off. there’s so much more that can happen to create a better balance. but as Rachael said, it can also be place by place, and even pushing from within (and with perhaps some of these good examples from the top) we can hopefully bring on some change
While these positive steps are good I am feeling impatient with the process. It seems unfair that the people who need these options the most (those in the middle or the bottom) might never get them. It frustrates me that the debate is always coached in the “choices” rhetoric but how many of us really have them? How many can choose to take a “working mom’s break?” I am one of the lucky few but it does come with heart wrenching sacrifices. I hear moms bemoan not living in Canada or Europe simply because of the value placed on family life and motherhood there. Why are we so far behind?
“I hear moms bemoan not living in Canada or Europe simply because of the value placed on family life and motherhood there. Why are we so far behind?”
Europe I don’t think you can just lump together as family friendly just because a couple of countries have paid maternity leave. People in many European countries are having very similar issues as the US, notably working mothers crying desperately WE CAN’T DO IT ALL! The fact that this is a global issue amongst the working world makes me wonder if we are asking the right questions– also the fact that most European countries have dramatic negative population growth too is a testament that not all is right with the family.
I find it frustrating that so many corporations are unwilling to offer family flexible jobs. The face-time factor still seems to be paramount regardless of the quantity/quality of work accomplished. Also, in the current recession more women are working under severely stressing situations, while ~85% of the layoffs have impacted men. At the same time, productivity is rising but hiring is not so those women are getting paid less and doing more work. I expect many will flee their jobs, exhausted and burnt out, when things recover unless companies ease the burden on them. See this informative report: http://www.shriverreport.com/awn/index.php
I like this organization that advocates for the family – simple way to make your voice heard in national and state campaigns: http://www.momsrising.org/campaigns
Jen – thanks so much for putting the link to momrising – i also really enjoy their proactive site and also find it a very accessible way to raise your voice to policy makers. fantastic for including it here!
Again, the idea is to put your words and ideas for change to the only real place it ever seems to make a difference….. Thank you Jen for presenting an option towards a solution. I regularly get newsletters from momsrising as well as supporting them. I guess I just take for granted most moms would be involved (as I’m not a mom). Much Peace.
Nomi and Sumiko,
I don’t usually post links on comment pages but thought momsrising was a great fit for the thread. Thanks to Katrina for keeping this thoughtful and honest blog running!
Simply desire to say your article is as astonishing. The clarity in your post is just excellent and i can assume you’re an expert on this subject. Fine with your permission let me to grab your feed to keep updated with forthcoming post. Thanks a million and please keep up the enjoyable work.