Are you mom enough?
By now you’ve probably seen this TIME Magazine cover of the woman breastfeeding a child who looks about four (turns out he’s 3).
It’s caused quite a sensation, in part because half this country thinks breastfeeding is disgusting (especially when the child is old enough to request seconds) and the other half thinks the first half is stupid.
As you know, I am solidly in the pro-breastfeeding camp. I, of all people, should have no problem with the media showing images of women breastfeeding. In fact, several years ago I was photographed breastfeeding my daughter for a story in the San Francisco Chronicle. Here’s the proof.
But the TIME photo struck me as simply obnoxious. The cover is such a blatant attempt to pit women against each other. There’s the photo, which is designed to provoke the squeamish (note the defiant stance, and the age of the child). But what really puts it over the top is the aggressive headline. (“Are You Mom Enough?)
Personally, I’m disgusted with the cover, not because of what it says about breastfeeding, but because of what it says about the editors. Really? You people have nothing better to do than try to start another food fight over breastfeeding? (Pun intended.)
I’ve been too irritated to write about it. Then yesterday I saw that MomsRising put out a very reasoned response, so I’d like to share an excerpt here:
What makes TIME’s decision to focus on fanning the flames of the fictional “mommy wars” so utterly shameful is the fact that there are so many real and pressing issues facing America’s mothers right now that aren’t being covered. Issues like the fact that childcare costs more than college in many states, that 80% of low wage workers don’t have a single earned sick day, that women (particularly moms) face rampant pay discrimination, and that over 176 countries have some form of paid family leave, but the U.S. doesn’t. [1, 2, 3, 4]
The question isn’t whether we’re “mom enough,” but whether our culture is prepared to value mothers and families beyond just Mother’s Day. TIME, and other media outlets’ compulsion to frame parents’ collective stress in personal terms, not only misses the reality, but also throws us all off track in working toward common-sense, real, and permanent changes for all American families.
Do you agree? If so, sign this: Tell TIME to cover the real issues that matter to mothers, women, and families.
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I’m curious what you think of the photo on it’s own. If it weren’t for the headline, what would you think?
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Here’s one more thing the editors could cover: the health effects of stress on working parents. Have you noticed the results of this poll I put up several months ago? Go here: What are you on?
The good news: 55% of us do not take anxiety medication. The bad news: 32% of us do.
I’ve left the poll open so if you haven’t answered it yet, please do. I’m planning to write about the results soon.
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Sources from the MomsRising excerpt:
[1] “Parents and The High Cost of Child Care: 2010 Update,” National Association of Child Care Resource and Referral Agencies.http://action.
[2] U.S. Department of Labor, Bureau of Labor Statistics (July, 2011). Employee Benefits in the United States: Selected paid leave benefits: Access, National Compensation Survey (Table 6). Retrieved 8 November 2011, from http://action.momsrising.org/
[3] US Census and NWLC Blog: State Wage Gap Shows Little or No Improvement since 2008
{ 21 comments… read them below or add one }
I’ve read the image (and the others taken as contenders for the cover shot) is meant to be evocative of classic images of the Madonna and Child. the Child Jesus is often represented with adult proportions, sometimes even adult size, hence the chair.
So interesting…I hadn’t heard that. I doubt Mother Mary would tell other women they aren’t “mom enough” tho.
Well, the photo and the headline were probably developed as different editorial/creative decisions. I agree that the headline is needlessly provocative.
What about the kid? What say did he have to be included in this? How might this thing with which he has no control haunt him as he ages?
Yeah, that’s a huge topic of discussion. How do you know what will haunt your child, and what will make them proud? How do you do try to instill values in your children, without brainwashing them?
When Ruby was just a few months old, I marched in a protest against the Iraq War, with her in a baby bjorn. I made her a little sign that said “Bottles Not Battles.” It was cute and we ended up on the news. I guess you could make the same argument — What say did she have? None, of course. She was too young to talk.
Now that she’s 9, I’d do it all again, but I’d explain what we were doing this time, and if she didn’t agree, she wouldn’t have to go. Of course, she’d still be getting my lefty liberal explanation, not George Bush’s explanation. I guess what I’m saying is that I think the ethics of how to involve your kids in the public realm change situation by situation.
At the last demonstration/rally we went to, we made signs for our kids that read “Voter in training.” I think that strikes the right balance between brainwashing and utter abandonment of your child to the winds of public opinion, and it sends a message about us, the parents: this is my child, I will teach my child what I believe to be the proper thing for citizens and human beings to do.
I like that!
Thank you for a reasoned response to Time’s sensationalistic piece and for not taking their bait.
I think the cover photo was just a way to sell more magazines. It’s vulgar and doesn’t portray what attachment parenting truly is. I’ve never heard of anyone nursing their child in that pose and I find it intersting that the mother agreed to even pose like that. Furthermore, I think the pose discredits what she has to say.
Btw- I love your blog!
Thanks!
A friend of mine was musing the other day “I don’t think even attachment parents would like that photo.”
If the child wasn’t there, but it was a mom with one breast out, how would the same photo be viewed. Until the time that breasts are desexualized in our society, public breastfeeding should be considered inappropriate without cover or removal to another place.
I’m not anti-breastfeeding, I just haven’t made the leap from not being able to sell magazines showing breasts in public to women removing their breasts from their clothing in public.
perhaps more public breastfeeding is the way to desexualize breasts: show them for what they are, for what their primary purpose is: the way to nourish children. the more we realize that breasts are for nourishing, the better.
The caption really bugged me – thanks for posting such a great response. I also wished that they’d found a more representative woman. This woman does not in any way look like the women I’ve known who’ve breastfed for a longer period of time. And because of this – it feels like they are sexualizing women yet again.
And for the women who can’t breastfeed their children (because there are women who can’t do this for legitimate reasons) – how is this supposed to make them feel? What about the women who have to go back to work after about 6-10 weeks off because our maternity leave policies are horrible and can’t manage to breastfeed and support their families economically.
I could go on. Suffice it to say that the cover really bugged me.
Thank you so much for your post, for your thoughtful response and for your inclusion of resources and links. I was so frustrated by that cover, to see a possible conversation derailed by that picture. I blame TIME for showing such lack of ethics and responsibility in doing what they did. I hope we can have some serious discussions about the policies affecting our families and children in the future, rather than incidenary photos.
Thanks for your post – I really enjoyed it. I have had several conversations with friends and family about the picture and what we keep coming back to is the fact that the photo shows no attachment or connection between the mother and the child. In fact – the son almost has this petrified look on his face. How would we be reacting if the mother and son were looking at each other rather than at the camera? Even if the mother’s stance was the same and the child was still on the chair – if they portrayed some type of connection – would we still be reacting the same? That photo might actually be more reflective of the purpose of the article, too
“the fact that the photo shows no attachment or connection between the mother and the child.” This is exactly what I am thinking. The mother’s stance is off somehow and the poor kid is just hanging on by his lips. Bridget is right, if they were in a loving embrace or looking at each other, I don’t think I would feel the same way about it. It just reeks of controversy and I am ever loving sick of controversy over breast-feeding. Its the most natural thing in the world.
I want to add my voice and say thanks for writing about this. I, too, am disgusted with the way Time presented this. Your headline is terrific.
Thanks for this post. My husband told me there was a TIME cover of a mama breastfeeding an older kid, and I said yay! But then he said “well, wait till you see the image…”
I was especially frustrated by the fact that they depict a boy who is big for his age wearing cammo! Why not a smallish boy or girl in mamas arms? Surely that would drive home a different message. This is a great example of how manipulative choices in advertising can be. I’m also curious if Doctor Sears saw the image before publication, and what he thinks about it….
Yes – the art direction of this image (while intentional) doesn’t really tell a story of breastfeeding or connection or warmth or nourishment or ??? I’ve certainly never seen anyone nurse their kid this way! Its too bad that such an influential publication (wide distribution and at every checkstand) can’t realize the impact that an image like this can have….on mothers, children, fathers, and families.
It certainly shocked me. I totally agree that TIME should be covering more important issues. Why is the method of feeding our children an issue? Why do we even fight about that? Either way, as long as you’re feeding your kid there shouldn’t be a dispute.
I’d love for them to cover the effects of stress on working moms. I just went back to work after maternity and it’s killing me, physically, emotionally and mentally. Plus, I’m breastfeeding.
I’m curious about how many of the people who’re reacting to the image on the cover actually bought the magazine and read the story. I for one admit that I haven’t.
I also didn’t take the hate bait they were dangling in front of me.
Thanks for bringing a voice of reason to the media hype. And good on MomRising for their smart and thoughtful response.