Yoo hoo! I’m still here. Are you?

Somehow I talked myself into taking on a full time project, and it’s seriously eating into my writing time.

There are so many things I’ve been wanting to blog about…

• Like this new HBO show about an executive who has a nervous breakdown. (Has anyone seen it?)
• And this heartbreaking essay about parenting a terminally ill child, and how it puts perspective around all the stupid crap parents worry about.
• Or how, despite being so busy, I’ve been inexplicably happy lately. (What’s that about?)
• Or the informal food swap I started with a few friends, and why I think everyone should start one.
• Or this Slate article and this blog post Eric sent me, which made me think about what “traditional family” means, and why so many people seem to want one. Do they yearn for a satisfying domestic life, or a break from toxic work culture, or something else?
• Or this link Laura sent me about Penelope Trunk’s nervous breakdown after having a baby and taking no maternity leave, and how there are many different ways to tell the story about your life.
• Oh, and Janine reached her Kickstarter goal. Woo hoo! Go finish that book about engaged fathers, Janine!

But I don’t have time to write about any of that now. Maybe you’d like to see the last two stories I wrote for the Huffington Post?

1. Do You Have a Hospital Fantasy?

Many of you saw the poll I did about this a while ago, about parents who fantasize about getting hospitalized as a way to get a break. The Huff Post comments were kind of interesting.

2. Stop Passing the Buck, Ladies

This essay is a response to some comments I’ve heard from several women executives. I was kind of angry when I wrote it. Basically, I think women in leadership roles have an obligation to help other women, and just generally make the workplace more humane.

I miss the conversation around here. What’s on your mind? Leave a comment!

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I’m trying to post a couple times a month. If you want to stay in touch with the blog but don’t know when to check it, stay in touch by…

Email | RSS | Facebook | Twitter.

I’m bursting with my good news: I’m officially a blogger for the Huffington Post!

Over the last few days, I’ve been gushing to friends about this. They always seem a bit baffled by my excitement. The conversation usually goes something like this:

Q: Weren’t you already a blogger for The Huffington Post?

A: Well, I did publish a few stories in the past, through the MomsRising/Peaceful Revolution column, but I didn’t have my own blogger account. I had to pitch my ideas to the MomsRising editor, and stick to topics that fit their advocacy framework. But now, I have my own account, which means I can post up to two stories a week! In any section! On any topic!

Q: Wow. So the editors discovered your blog and invited you to write for them?

A: Not exactly. I kind of stalked a couple of unsuspecting editors at the BlogHer conference, and badgered the poor women in the hallway until they agreed to let me write a trial story.

Q: Uh…that’s cool. It’s probably good exposure, right?

A: Damn straight! The site is ranked #22 in the most highly traffic web sites for a U.S. audience. More than 30 million people visit the site each month. Dude, that’s more online readers than the New York Times!

Q: That’s great! Are they paying you?

A: Er…no. Of course not. Everyone knows they don’t pay bloggers.

Q: Oh. Well, congrats anyway. So what are you going to write about?

A: I don’t really know.

Here’s the thing: I’m still trying to figure out what I’m allowed to write about. Of course, I plan to continue writing about the mismatch between the workplace and our personal lives, but there are a lot of ways to write about that. I’d also like to do some interviews and book reviews if I can. I think I can also get a HuffPo (ahem, that’s what we insiders call it…) media badge to cover events if I get an editor’s approval.

Any suggestions on specific topics I should write about? People I should try to interview? Books or events I should try to cover? I’m taking requests.

Do you have a story to share? They tend to run a lot of personal stories and opinion pieces. If you have a great story—about a great/terrible work situation, about why you work or why you don’t, about being a parent or choosing not to be one—tell me about it. Maybe I should interview you.

OK, I’m glad that’s over. The hospital fantasy, I mean.

That’s a self-portrait of me, post-surgery. I won’t bore you with the gory details but it was scary and it hurt, as expected. I had a reaction to the painkillers and got really sick, and then I had to lie on the couch for nine days with my leg in the air, which got old, fast.

There were some good things about it, though. Like, the part about lying on the couch for nine days. Boring but oddly therapeutic.

I’m very goal-oriented, so I had to take it on as a project. I stopped drinking caffeine and tried to enjoy doing nothing. I read a fantastic memoir and immersed myself in more TV in one week than I’ve seen in the last year. I watched 29 episodes of Friday Night Lights, until I started talking like the wife of a Texas football coach. (“I’ll tell you what. Y’all should pick up summathem juicy burgers at Applebees…”)

My husband went along with it, chatting in his Coach Taylor accent while he made dinner and folded laundry. The kids tripped over themselves to be helpful; jockeying to fetch my glass of water or a new ice pack. Every day, friends called to check in or stopped by to visit.

At some point, I got a text message from MomsRising telling me to call House Speaker John Boehner and ask him to stop holding America’s economy hostage. I did, but he didn’t listen to me.

(By the way, I recommend you sign up for these weekly text alerts from MomsRising. They’re a fantastic way for busy people to make their voices heard in 30 seconds or less. You get one text a week. If you don’t have time to respond, you ignore them. Every fourth time, I happen to be waiting in line or something, and then I respond. They dial the number for you, and tell you what to say so you don’t sound like an idiot. It’s brainless activism. Perfect for someone like me.)

I still recommend taking a real vacation over surgery, but if you find your hospital fantasy becomes real, try to surrender to it. And let your friends bring you food. (Thanks, Deborah, Holly, Novella, and Angel!)

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Almost as soon as I got off the crutches, I limped over to the BlogHer conference in San Diego. I’ll write about that in my next post.

We’re unplugging this week. Family camp, here we come! I hope to not so much as glance at one electronic communications device all week.

So you have more time to read last week’s post, if you haven’t already. I hope you will. It took me forever to put it together.

And if you’re still looking for something to read, check out my friend Nancy Davis Kho’s new site, Midlife Mixtape, in which she waxes poetic about the intersection of middle age and music. And sympathize with my friend Margot, who writes about her first month back at work after maternity leave. No matter how much you love your job, that first month is tough…

Circle of Moms is asking people to vote for the Top Political Mom Blogs.

Take two seconds and vote for MomsRising.org, a blog that’s making a tangible difference in our lives by connecting with lawmakers, and getting them to prioritize issues that affect all families in America. (LIke paid sick time, maternity leave, and so on.)

You can vote for more than one blog, so while you’re there, will you…

Vote for Working Moms Break?

I don’t have a bat’s chance in hell of winning, but it’s still good to try.

Mother Talkers is another one that deserves your vote.

This is from Tina Fey’s new book, “Bossypants.” It’s delicious. Makes me want to write a version for my son. (Thanks for sending, Julia!)

A Mother’s Prayer for Its Child

First, Lord: No tattoos. May neither Chinese symbol for truth nor Winnie-the-Pooh holding the FSU logo stain her tender haunches.

May she be Beautiful but not Damaged, for it’s the Damage that draws the creepy soccer coach’s eye, not the the Beauty.

When the Crystal Meth is offered,
May she remember the parents who cut her grapes in half
And stick with Beer.

Guide her, protect her
When crossing the street, stepping onto boats, swimming in the ocean, swimming in pools, walking near pools, standing on the nearby subway platform, crossing 86th Street, stepping off of boats, using mall restrooms, getting on and off escalators, driving on country roads while arguing, leaning on large windows, walking in parking lots, riding Ferris wheels, roller-coasters, log flumes, or anything called “Hell Drop,” “Tower of Torture,” or “The Death Spiral Rock N’ Zero G Roll featuring Aerosmith,” and standing on any kind of balcony ever, anywhere, at any age.

Lead her away from Acting but not all the way to Finance.

Something where she can make her own hours but still feel intellectually fulfilled and get outside sometimes And not have to wear high heels.

What would that be, Lord? Architecture? Midwifery? Golf course design? I’m asking You because if I knew, I’d be doing it, Youdammit.

May she play the Drums to the fiery rhythm of her Own Heart with the sinewy strength of her Own Arms, so she need Not Lie With Drummers.

Grant her a Rough Patch from twelve to seventeen.
Let her draw horses and be interested in Barbies for much too long,
For Childhood is short- a Tiger Flower blooming
Magenta for one day-
And Adulthood is long and Dry-Humping in Cars will wait.

O Lord, break the Internet forever,
That she may be spared the misspelled invective of her peers
And the online marketing campaign for Rape Hostel V: Girls Just Wanna Get Stabbed.

And when she one day turns on me and calls me a Bitch in front of Hollister,
Give me the strength, Lord, to yank her directly into a cab in front of her friends,
For I will not have that Shit. I will not have it.

And should she choose to be a Mother one day, be my eyes, Lord,
That I may see her, lying on a blanket on the floor at 4:50 a.m., all-at-once exhausted,
bored, and in love with the little creature whose poop is leaking up its back.
“My mother did this for me once,” she will realize as she cleans feces off her baby’s neck.
“My mother did this for me.” And the delayed gratitude will wash over her as it does each generation and she will make a Mental note to call me. And she will forget.
But I’ll know, because I peeped it with Your God eyes.

Amen.

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By the way, has anyone read her book, yet? Is it all this good?

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Another must read: “Poor Jane’s Almanac” by Jill Lepore

There’s a provocative essay in last week’s Wall Street Journal called “Why Chinese Mothers Are Superior.”

The author, Amy Chua, describes her strict parenting style: no play dates, no school plays, no grades lower than an A, calling her daughter “garbage” when she is very disrespectful or “fatty” to shame her into losing weight.

This, of course, is in stark contrast to the stereotypical Western “permissive” parenting style: play dates, TV (within limits), school plays, no overt attempts at shame. Then she attempts to explain why her way is better.

The author is a Yale Law School professor—a model of the kind of success she’s trying to hammer into her children. I think she made some interesting points about Western parents and guilt—there is such a thing as overly permissive parenting—but overall, I found the essay APPALLING.

Academic success is great, sure, is it more important than raising happy children? Why do we want our kids to be academically successful anyway? So they can show off how much better they are than other people? No, of course not.

Our hope is that academic success will open doors for our children. We want them to have their choice of careers. We want them to be free of financial worries. We want them to feel they are making a valuable contribution to the world. We want them to feel the satisfaction that comes with realizing their own potential. In other words, we want our children to be happy. But beating success into them by denying them play, denying them fun, and shaming them does not sound like the road to happiness.

Luckily, happy kids are more likely to be “successful” in their careers and in their lives as adults. (You can read all about the science behind that statement in Christine Carter’s wonderful book, Raising Happiness.)

If you’re feeling down on your parenting, I recommend you read the WSJ essay. All I could think was, Thank God that woman isn’t my mother.

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For insight on the role of shame and vulnerability in our lives, watch this talk by Brene Brown.

Help Working Moms Break hit the first 500 fans on Facebook!

I have a burning question that I hope you will answer:

What would you like to see on this blog?

A brief history

I started Working Moms Break in March 2010 to make sense of a major crisis in my own life, and in the lives of many of the women I know.

I’m so glad I did, because so many wonderful things have happened. I was interviewed on the radio (here and here), I published several stories on the Huffington Post among other blogs, and best of all, hundreds of people (maybe you!) wrote to tell me their own stories, which has helped me to make sense of my own. Thank you.

A couple months ago I launched a Facebook page to help get the word out about the blog, and that’s been growing quickly.

Now what?

At first I thought I might run out of things to write about. Not so. Turns out I have way more material than I have time to follow through. That’s why I need your feedback.

The list

Which, if any, of these things would you like to see more or less of?

• Personal stories about the problem of “balancing” work and family (Breakdown stories like this and this and this and this and this)
• Stories about my very brave friends?
• Stories about how people are solving the problem?
• Surveys like this?
• Theories like this?
• Short posts vs. longer posts?
• Interviews with experts on work/life stuff?
• A podcast? (Haven’t tried that yet. What would you like to hear?)
• Advice?
• Discussion starters?
• Book reviews?
• Funny stuff?
• Specific topics like breastfeeding and working, women judging each other, guilt, starting your own business, quitting, negotiating with your boss, housework, happiness, policy, feminism?
• Events?
• Something I haven’t thought of yet?

Leave your comment at the end of this post. Whether you’ve been reading along since the beginning, or you just stumbled in today, I’d LOVE to hear from you.

By the way, if you’re shy, don’t feel like you have to use your real name. The only person who sees your email is me.

This one is for the California readers. (For you non-Californians*, please see the bottom of this post for an overly simplistic and very opinionated overview about our wacky election process.)

Confused by the latest crop of statewide initiatives on the ballot? No problem. The Women’s Foundation of California has just released their voter guide. You can download it here.

Their recommendations reflect a commitment to supporting the well-being of women, families, immigrants, and communities of color in California.

Don’t let the ladies in this photo down. They fought for your right to vote!

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*A word about California’s initiative process

I’m originally from New York, so when I moved to California in 1994, I was baffled by elections here. California, like all the left-tern states (as you can see on this map), allows citizens to bypass the authority of their elected legislators. We can put issues directly on the ballot and then vote them into law. It’s fun!

It’s also expensive. Although not all ballot initiatives are bad, many well-funded and odious ideas have made it on our ballot, and been passed by the voters. (Full disclosure: I worked on a health reform initiative campaign in California many years ago.)

One of the most controversial ballot initiatives ever passed was the infamous Proposition 13 which, among other things, made it possible for homeowners to pay much, much lower property taxes than they should, (Full disclosure: I am a tax-paying homeowner), and made it very, very hard for the state legislature to raise taxes.

Prop 13 is widely recognized for ruining public education in California.

Before Prop 13, California schools were among the best in the nation. Today they rank at the bottom in student achievement (#48 last I read). Which is why the parents at my daughter’s school work tirelessly, year-round, raising money for art and sports and copier paper (!) and all the “extras” that are no longer part of the school budget.

Please, please be careful what you vote for. It might come true.

I drive a minivan. There. I’ve said it.

Maybe you think that’s not cool. I’ll try not to hold that against you. I happen to think that SUVs, which are less fuel-efficient than my minivan, aren’t cool. I hope we can still be friends.

Toyota has come out with this video (“Swagger Wagon”), proving that we minivan parents are, in fact, demonstrably cool.

See for yourself. (Yes, it’s an ad. No I’m not getting paid to show it. It’s just really funny.)