Keep your foot on the gas pedal?

by Katrina on May 31, 2011

This is a provocative talk that Sheryl Sandberg (COO of Facebook) gave at the TEDWomen conference last year. If you haven’t seen it yet, definitely check it out. It’s about why we don’t have more women leaders.

Some disturbing statistics:

  • Of 190 heads of state, nine are women.
  • Of all the people in parliament in the world, 13 percent are women.
  • In the corporate sector, women  in C-level jobs and board seats top out at only 15-16 percent.
  • Even in the non-profit world, women at the top equal only 20 percent.
  • The numbers have not moved since 2002.

Her advice to women who want to stay in the workforce is

1. Sit at the table
Women systematically underestimate our own abilities. We need to be better advocates for ourselves and each other. I fully agree.

From Sandberg’s talk:

A study in the last two years of people entering the workforce out of college showed that 57 percent of boys entering—or men, I guess—are negotiating their first salary, and only seven percent of women. And most importantly, men attribute their success to themselves, and women attribute it to other external factors.

If you ask men why they did a good job, they’ll say, “I’m awesome. Obviously. Why are you even asking?”

If you ask women why they did a good job, what they’ll say is someone helped them, they got lucky, they worked really hard.

Why does this matter? Boy, it matters a lot because no one gets to the corner office by sitting on the side…

2. Make your partner a real partner
Women still do far more housework and childcare than men, even when both work. (I would add that we also take on more the of “psychic burden” of this work. See Who Clips the Nails? for more on this.)

Her point is that if we’re going to work outside the home, we need more help in the home. I agree with this one, too, although it’s not so easy to address in the messy reality of our daily lives. And it also doesn’t take into account the insane pressure on our partners to work crazy hours.

3. Don’t leave before your leave
This was the piece of advice that least resonated with me.

Basically, Sandberg is saying that when women decide to have children, they check out mentally at work. They let themselves get passed over for promotions, and so on. She advises women to “keep their foot on the gas pedal” until the day they decide to leave.

That is exactly what I did. And we know where that led. In retrospect, I can see I should have taken my foot off the gas sooner, not later.

Apparently, other people could see that, too. Years ago, another working mom in my office told me she declined a promotion because she didn’t want the added responsibility when her kids were so young. Our boss said, Look at Katrina. She’s doing it. And my coworker said, I don’t want Katrina’s life.

I would argue that women need to have more compassion for themselves, and know when to slow down. Which is very, very hard to do when the expectations on us to be Super Moms are so great. read full story

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Top 25 Political Mom Blogs – Vote for us!

by Katrina on May 27, 2011

Circle of Moms is asking people to vote for the Top Political Mom Blogs.

Take two seconds and vote for MomsRising.org, a blog that’s making a tangible difference in our lives by connecting with lawmakers, and getting them to prioritize issues that affect all families in America. (LIke paid sick time, maternity leave, and so on.)

You can vote for more than one blog, so while you’re there, will you…

Vote for Working Moms Break?

I don’t have a bat’s chance in hell of winning, but it’s still good to try.

Mother Talkers is another one that deserves your vote.

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Mommy strike chants: Winner announced!

Post image for Mommy strike chants: Winner announced!

by Katrina on May 23, 2011

In March I wrote a post about how women are having fewer babies around the world, how this is creating a economic and culture crisis in some countries, and how our decision to have fewer children seems to be linked, in part, to our need for more family-friendly work policies.

(Phew! That was a mouthful. You can read more here.)

I mused about what would happen if, instead of quietly deciding not to have babies, we took this international Mommy Strike to the streets. What would we chant on the picket line?

I offered to send the first-ever (still to be designed) Working Moms Break mug to the person with the winning chant.

A bunch of people sent in their chants. This was back in March. And then I got busy with work. And we had more than the usual share of doctor appointments, and everyone got head lice, and I found out I need knee surgery, and…you get the picture.

But today, I’m coming up for air and I would like to announce the winner of the Mommy Strike slogan contest is…a dad named Eric!

Eric submitted several chants. This is the one my panel of judges (Read: me and my husband, Brian) liked the most:

We have the ability to kill our fertility!
Give us more power, or take a cold shower!

My husband also really liked this one:

The population’s look Peak-y
because us ladies won’t get Freak-y

Well done, Eric. Send me your address so I know where to mail your mug. (katrina [AT] workingmomsbreak [DOT] com)

The Mommy Strike slogan competition was stiff. Honorable mention to everyone who offered a slogan below. I’m including the original chants as well, so you’ll have the full list when you have to shout into that bullhorn.

International Mommy Strike Chants

From Momof2:

1,2,3,4 (he) why don’t we do it any more
5,6,7,8 (she) power point, pink eye, your dirty plate

*

T-I-R-E-D, like, total-LY

*

1,2,3,4 water cooler, vegas, commute no more
5,6,7,8 self employment’s really great

*

Hey, hey, ho, ho, this proposal’s got to go
Me, me, my oh my, it’s finally quiet downstairs…sigh

From Poker Chick:

Mommies on strike. Mommies on strike. You won’t like…mommies on strike.

*

Where do we live? AMERICA! Do we want to see our population die? HELL NO!!

*

Do what’s right: help parents get a life!

From Stacy:

You can take this baby back! We don’t want the Mommy Track!

From kt moxie:

Will work for …
FOOD
Daycare
Equal pay
SLEEP!

*

I found the glass ceiling.
I don’t live in a glass house.
I have a rock.

*
I’d like to thank my supportive working environment and community for enabling me to be a successful working mom.

Why are you laughing?

From Eric:

We have the ability to kill our fertility
Give us more power or take a cold shower

*
Looks like the next generation’s out of LUCK
because we’re killing the economy by refusing to _____.

*
The population’s look Peak-y
because us ladies won’t get Freak-y

*
If you want our loving touch
stop sucking so much

*
Give me fair treatment, for goodness’ sake
or I’ll keep saying I have a headache

*

Also, I have included the following, which relates more to mothers’ workplace problems than population issues:

C’mon Boss,
don’t be a jerk,
let me pump my milk at work!

(‘Boobs’ can be substituted for milk in this one, for added effect)

From Lucie:

I don’t know know but I’ve been told
The Western World is getting old
If good positions we can’t hold
No more babies; we’ll lock the mold.

From am:

Hell no, I won’t clean another dish
Hell no, I won’t mop another floor
You helped make them, now help take care of them!

From Brian:

No more baby boom!
I’m shuttin’ down this mama’s womb!

From Jess b.:

Make our system more like France
Or keep your penis in your pants!

From Emily S.:

Hey hey! Ho ho! Unpaid maternity leave has got to go!

From Jiya:

Less HOUSEWORK, more TEAMWORK!

From Stefanie:

Motherhood isn’t for sissies! (She submitted the photo above, which is from somewhere on the Isle of Wight.)

And the chants from my original post:

On strike!
Shut it DOWN!
My WOMB is now a union TOWN!

*

Pay a mother what she’s WORTH
of forget about CHILDBIRTH!
*

Give us schedules that are FLEX
or you get no procreative SEX!

*

1-2-3-4 Pumping rooms need LOCKING DOORS!
5-6-7-8 We’re not going to REPLICATE!

*
You don’t want to pay the PIPER?
You can change the baby’s DIAPER!

*

What’s disgusting? MOMMY BUSTING!
What’s outrageous? PAY GAP WAGES!

*

What do we want?
Flexibility, part time options, paid parental leave and sick days, and better on and off ramps!
When do we want it? NOW!

* * *

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* * *

Survey about working parents and stress is now closed. Thank you everyone who participated. I’m reading through the (more than 600!) responses and plan to post results soon.

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No rest for the weary

Post image for No rest for the weary

by Katrina on May 12, 2011

I’m having one of those weeks.

My work deadlines would be totally manageable by themselves. But all this random stuff comes up.

Like planning my son’s birthday party Sunday. Which we should have been ready for, since it’s the same day every year, but somehow it snuck up on us.

We wanted to keep it simple and small, but still…There are goodie bags to be supplied, food to be bought and prepared, a backyard treasure hunt to be planned. And cake. How to accommodate the various food allergies among his 4-year-old cohorts with an acceptable egg-free, wheat-free, nut-free cake that is “brown on the outside, white on the inside” as per the Birthday Boy’s request?

Then this morning I took my daughter to the doctor to get a wee teensy pebble removed from the inside of her eyelid. That was fun. (Parenting tip: 8-year-olds LOVE eye drops!)

And to put icing on the (allergen-free) cake, we’re not sleeping well.

You know the drill. Ruby’s in a new phase; she can’t fall asleep unless she’s in our bed. (At least, I hope it’s a phase.) When she finally falls asleep, I carry her to her bed, go back to my bed, and swoon into sleep.

An hour later, Jake pads into our room because he needs someone to wipe his nose.

I sleep on the side of the bed near the door, so I usually field these requests. I wipe Jake’s nose, tuck him in bed, armed him with a clean, prophylactic tissue to guard against more nose-wipe requests, forbid him from getting up again, and go back to my bed.

Another hour goes by, during which I fall back into a deep sleep…

And then, suddenly, I wake to what can only be a weapon of mass destruction exploding in my bed. But it’s just my poor husband, having a violent, sneezing allergy attack. (Note to self: Do not let allergy-plagued husband mow the lawn ever again.)

Eventually Brian gets up, takes his allergy meds, and soon he’s snoring beside me. But I’m wide awake.

I lie on my back for the next two hours and stare at the ceiling. I make good use of this quiet time to curse the universe and everyone in it, including me, for not being one of those people who can just easily slip back into sleep.

All of this is to say that when someone sent me a PDF of this “children’s” book (Go the F**k to Sleep), I had to laugh, and then share it. It would make a great gift. You can buy it on Amazon. (I am not getting paid to say that, I just feel obligated. This guy deserves some book sales.)

In case you don’t feel like opening the PDF, here’s the beginning:

The cats nestle close to their kittens now.
The lambs have laid down with the sheep.
You’re cozy and warm in your bed, my dear.
Please go the f**k to sleep.

The windows are dark in the town, child.
The whales huddle down in the deep.
I’ll read you one very last book if you swear
You’ll go the f**k to sleep.

The eagles who soar through the sky are at rest
And the creatures who crawl, run, and creep.
I know you’re not thirsty. That’s bullshit. Stop lying.
Lie the f**k down, my darling, and sleep.

And so on…

* * *

Did you take the survey yet?

Would you be so kind as to send the survey post to five friends? Still would like to get another 50 responses or so.

* * *

Speaking of books, I got Tina’s Fey’s “Bossypants” as a Mother’s Day gift. It’s delightful. I kept stopping last night to read parts out loud to Brian. We need more funny feminists.

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Happy Mother’s Day! (Video)

Post image for Happy Mother’s Day! (Video)

by Katrina on May 6, 2011

You’re the star in this Mother’s Day video (courtesy of the tireless team at MomsRising). If you haven’t seen it yet, be sure to watch it with your name, first.

Start here and you’ll see what I mean.

Personally, I liked last year’s video better.

Pick your favorite, and send it to all your friends who deserve a little extra love on Mother’s Day.

* * *

Have you taken the survey, yet?

The survey I posted Monday about working parents and stress has already gotten more than 400 responses, and they’re still trickling in.

If you haven’t taken it yet, please do. (3 minutes only. Promise.) Then email it, Facebook it, Tweet it to your friends. The goal is to get at least another 100 responses, if we can. I’ll keep it open for at least another week.

Take the survey, now!

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Working parents: How are you doing? (Survey)

Post image for Working parents: How are you doing? (Survey)

by Katrina on May 1, 2011

I just put together a very simple survey about working parents and stress. It takes only 5 minutes to complete.

If you’re a parent and you work to help support your family, here’s what I’d like you to do:

1. Take the survey.

2. Forward the survey (or this post) to everyone you know.

3. Come back in a few weeks to read about the results.

Why am I doing this?

There’s a ton of research about how time-starved working parents are, particularly in the U.S. where some experts say we work the longest hours of any developed country in the world.

There’s also a lot of research telling us how common work stress has become. Whether we have kids or not, our work stress levels have doubled since 1985.

So my question is, how is this time debt and work stress affecting the health of working parents? I can’t find any research that answers this question.

Will you take the survey?

The more responses we have, the more interesting and meaningful the responses become.

A note about terminology: I struggle with the term “working parent” because it makes it sounds like stay-at-home parents don’t work. This, of course, is not true. Stay-at-home parents work their butts off.

I could instead say “parents who work outside the home,” but that would exclude people like my husband, who performs much of his consulting work in a shed in our back yard.

I could just open the survey up to all parents, but I’m trying to focus on parents who help support their families through paid work, because they face a particular kind of time-bind that may or may not have adverse health affects.

P.S. I did a survey like this almost a year ago called “Who Clips the Nails?” asking parents how they divide up household chores. The answers were eye-opening. You can read about it here.

* * *

Love the blog but keep forgetting to check it?

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Tina Fey’s prayer for little girls

by Katrina on April 25, 2011

This is from Tina Fey’s new book, “Bossypants.” It’s delicious. Makes me want to write a version for my son. (Thanks for sending, Julia!)

A Mother’s Prayer for Its Child

First, Lord: No tattoos. May neither Chinese symbol for truth nor Winnie-the-Pooh holding the FSU logo stain her tender haunches.

May she be Beautiful but not Damaged, for it’s the Damage that draws the creepy soccer coach’s eye, not the the Beauty.

When the Crystal Meth is offered,
May she remember the parents who cut her grapes in half
And stick with Beer.

Guide her, protect her
When crossing the street, stepping onto boats, swimming in the ocean, swimming in pools, walking near pools, standing on the nearby subway platform, crossing 86th Street, stepping off of boats, using mall restrooms, getting on and off escalators, driving on country roads while arguing, leaning on large windows, walking in parking lots, riding Ferris wheels, roller-coasters, log flumes, or anything called “Hell Drop,” “Tower of Torture,” or “The Death Spiral Rock N’ Zero G Roll featuring Aerosmith,” and standing on any kind of balcony ever, anywhere, at any age.

Lead her away from Acting but not all the way to Finance.

Something where she can make her own hours but still feel intellectually fulfilled and get outside sometimes And not have to wear high heels.

What would that be, Lord? Architecture? Midwifery? Golf course design? I’m asking You because if I knew, I’d be doing it, Youdammit.

May she play the Drums to the fiery rhythm of her Own Heart with the sinewy strength of her Own Arms, so she need Not Lie With Drummers.

Grant her a Rough Patch from twelve to seventeen.
Let her draw horses and be interested in Barbies for much too long,
For Childhood is short- a Tiger Flower blooming
Magenta for one day-
And Adulthood is long and Dry-Humping in Cars will wait.

O Lord, break the Internet forever,
That she may be spared the misspelled invective of her peers
And the online marketing campaign for Rape Hostel V: Girls Just Wanna Get Stabbed.

And when she one day turns on me and calls me a Bitch in front of Hollister,
Give me the strength, Lord, to yank her directly into a cab in front of her friends,
For I will not have that Shit. I will not have it.

And should she choose to be a Mother one day, be my eyes, Lord,
That I may see her, lying on a blanket on the floor at 4:50 a.m., all-at-once exhausted,
bored, and in love with the little creature whose poop is leaking up its back.
“My mother did this for me once,” she will realize as she cleans feces off her baby’s neck.
“My mother did this for me.” And the delayed gratitude will wash over her as it does each generation and she will make a Mental note to call me. And she will forget.
But I’ll know, because I peeped it with Your God eyes.

Amen.

* * *

By the way, has anyone read her book, yet? Is it all this good?

* * *

Another must read: “Poor Jane’s Almanac” by Jill Lepore

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Guest Post: Touring the spectrum of working parenthood

by Katrina on April 19, 2011

Nancy Davis Kho is a freelance writer and consultant in the Bay Area, with two daughters, age 13 and 10. Since her first child was born, she has tried just about every possible work schedule, from full time to part time to no time, and some other stuff in between. Today she gives us a guided tour of the trade offs she’s found with each new attempt at the perfect balance.

From Nancy Davis Kho:

nancy davis khoOne of the first things I did after having my first child was to get my infant daughter’s passport picture taken. On maternity leave from a full-time job as an international product manager for a software company, I had the blithe confidence that comes only from total ignorance that I would pick up where I left off in traveling the globe to visit customers. Perhaps I could tuck the baby under my arm like a squirmy, poopy briefcase?

In the five years before Maddy’s passport expired, (having never once been stamped), I went from full-time work in an office, to full-time but working from home two days a week, to part-time working in an office, to laid off, and then back again to part-time, but working entirely from home for my employer. Another few years later and I landed in the situation in which I find myself now: working part time from home, and for myself, as a freelance writer and consultant.

I’ll precede my next observations with a caveat: I consider myself exceptionally fortunate that, in our family, having both parents work has been a choice. There would be significant lifestyle changes and probably a move away from the Bay Area were one of us to opt of the workforce completely, but we would still be OK, at least for awhile. For many families, there is no choice, not if they want to keep a roof over their children’s heads and food on the table. Read full story>

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The myth of part time

Post image for The myth of part time

by Katrina on April 13, 2011

My last full time job was leading a team of designers for a web agency. I used to hire a lot of freelancers when we had more work than our staff could handle. Some of these freelancers were moms who limited their hours so they could pick their kids up from daycare. They were exceptionally good, so it was usually no problem to work around their part time schedules. (Have you noticed working moms tend to have above average productivity and communication skills?)

I idolized these women’s lives. They looked healthier, more relaxed than the rest of us. There was something almost European about the way they lived. They rode their bikes to the office, came and went as they pleased, and blocked off whole mornings to help out at their kids’ schools, or go to pilates classes. (!)

Once, I had a dream that one of my freelancers told me I could make a million dollars a year if I would only quit my job and work part time like she did.

Part of that dream came true. I finally did quit (after contracting a bad case of vital exhaustion/spiritual awakening/Americanitis), and now I freelance part time. I do not make a million dollars a year. Or anywhere close. But working part time has given me my sanity back.

I’m lucky. The U.S. has the highest percentage of full time working women of any country in the world, and a recent Pew Research Center poll found 60% of full-time working moms would prefer to work part time, but can’t.

And yet…part time has its downsides.

This is an email I received recently from a blog reader (whom I’ve never met, but she happens to be my husband’s cousin).

From Linda:

I thought I’d write you as I am now getting some insight into an “ideal” work schedule. I can’t believe I’m bitching about working part time—but I have so many friends who are sure that it’s the answer to their dreams—a way to “have it all,” and I am sadly becoming certain that it just ain’t so. Read full story>

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Contest: Best slogan wins a…mug!

by Katrina on April 7, 2011

Last week I posted a story about how the birth rate is slowing down around the world, and how this in part relates to a kind of International Mommy Strike. (Studies show that when women are giving more support for working and raising families, the birth rate goes up closer to “replacement levels.”) If you’re still confused, read the story.

For kicks, I made up some goofy chants for the picket line (You don’t want to pay the PIPER? You can change the baby’s DIAPER!) There are more toward the bottom of last week’s story, and some in the comments of that story.

Now I’m asking YOU to write your own chant. Why? I don’t know why.

I just thought it would be fun. And maybe because all this stuff about how hard it is to raise children has reached a point of absurdity. Like the sick day thing. If you don’t laugh, you’ll cry.

The best chant will win a Working Moms Break mug!

That’s right. The first ever Working Moms Break mug.

Who wouldn’t want a classy Working Moms Break mug, the perfect thing for everyone’s coffee break. Imagine yourself, with your feet up on your desk, sipping deliciously hot coffee or tea. You look like any other hardworking mom or dad taking a much deserved break. But you’re holding your special mug, and thinking deep, subversive feminist thoughts.

I’ll post the slogans here and maybe, if we get a lot of them, on MomsRising.

Here’s what to do

Write your chants in the comments. It’s so easy. You can start with a classic union rhyme like

Hey hey, ho ho…..[add rhyme]

or

1, 2, 3, 4…[add rhyme] 4, 5, 7, 8 [add another rhyme]

or look at some of the ones people started in the comments here.

Try it. It’s fun!

About that mug…

I’ve never designed a mug before. This will be interesting. If you’re a designer and would like to offer a mug design…that would be awesome. Can’t pay you, but I’ll buy you the finished version. Email me: katrina@workingmomsbreak.com.

Please share this

Share this with your friends. The more chants people write the better. Right now I think four people have submitted chants, so the odds of you winning are high!

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