Working parents: How are you doing? (Survey)

Post image for Working parents: How are you doing? (Survey)

by Katrina on May 1, 2011

I just put together a very simple survey about working parents and stress. It takes only 5 minutes to complete.

If you’re a parent and you work to help support your family, here’s what I’d like you to do:

1. Take the survey.

2. Forward the survey (or this post) to everyone you know.

3. Come back in a few weeks to read about the results.

Why am I doing this?

There’s a ton of research about how time-starved working parents are, particularly in the U.S. where some experts say we work the longest hours of any developed country in the world.

There’s also a lot of research telling us how common work stress has become. Whether we have kids or not, our work stress levels have doubled since 1985.

So my question is, how is this time debt and work stress affecting the health of working parents? I can’t find any research that answers this question.

Will you take the survey?

The more responses we have, the more interesting and meaningful the responses become.

A note about terminology: I struggle with the term “working parent” because it makes it sounds like stay-at-home parents don’t work. This, of course, is not true. Stay-at-home parents work their butts off.

I could instead say “parents who work outside the home,” but that would exclude people like my husband, who performs much of his consulting work in a shed in our back yard.

I could just open the survey up to all parents, but I’m trying to focus on parents who help support their families through paid work, because they face a particular kind of time-bind that may or may not have adverse health affects.

P.S. I did a survey like this almost a year ago called “Who Clips the Nails?” asking parents how they divide up household chores. The answers were eye-opening. You can read about it here.

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Tina Fey’s prayer for little girls

by Katrina on April 25, 2011

This is from Tina Fey’s new book, “Bossypants.” It’s delicious. Makes me want to write a version for my son. (Thanks for sending, Julia!)

A Mother’s Prayer for Its Child

First, Lord: No tattoos. May neither Chinese symbol for truth nor Winnie-the-Pooh holding the FSU logo stain her tender haunches.

May she be Beautiful but not Damaged, for it’s the Damage that draws the creepy soccer coach’s eye, not the the Beauty.

When the Crystal Meth is offered,
May she remember the parents who cut her grapes in half
And stick with Beer.

Guide her, protect her
When crossing the street, stepping onto boats, swimming in the ocean, swimming in pools, walking near pools, standing on the nearby subway platform, crossing 86th Street, stepping off of boats, using mall restrooms, getting on and off escalators, driving on country roads while arguing, leaning on large windows, walking in parking lots, riding Ferris wheels, roller-coasters, log flumes, or anything called “Hell Drop,” “Tower of Torture,” or “The Death Spiral Rock N’ Zero G Roll featuring Aerosmith,” and standing on any kind of balcony ever, anywhere, at any age.

Lead her away from Acting but not all the way to Finance.

Something where she can make her own hours but still feel intellectually fulfilled and get outside sometimes And not have to wear high heels.

What would that be, Lord? Architecture? Midwifery? Golf course design? I’m asking You because if I knew, I’d be doing it, Youdammit.

May she play the Drums to the fiery rhythm of her Own Heart with the sinewy strength of her Own Arms, so she need Not Lie With Drummers.

Grant her a Rough Patch from twelve to seventeen.
Let her draw horses and be interested in Barbies for much too long,
For Childhood is short- a Tiger Flower blooming
Magenta for one day-
And Adulthood is long and Dry-Humping in Cars will wait.

O Lord, break the Internet forever,
That she may be spared the misspelled invective of her peers
And the online marketing campaign for Rape Hostel V: Girls Just Wanna Get Stabbed.

And when she one day turns on me and calls me a Bitch in front of Hollister,
Give me the strength, Lord, to yank her directly into a cab in front of her friends,
For I will not have that Shit. I will not have it.

And should she choose to be a Mother one day, be my eyes, Lord,
That I may see her, lying on a blanket on the floor at 4:50 a.m., all-at-once exhausted,
bored, and in love with the little creature whose poop is leaking up its back.
“My mother did this for me once,” she will realize as she cleans feces off her baby’s neck.
“My mother did this for me.” And the delayed gratitude will wash over her as it does each generation and she will make a Mental note to call me. And she will forget.
But I’ll know, because I peeped it with Your God eyes.

Amen.

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By the way, has anyone read her book, yet? Is it all this good?

* * *

Another must read: “Poor Jane’s Almanac” by Jill Lepore

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Guest Post: Touring the spectrum of working parenthood

by Katrina on April 19, 2011

Nancy Davis Kho is a freelance writer and consultant in the Bay Area, with two daughters, age 13 and 10. Since her first child was born, she has tried just about every possible work schedule, from full time to part time to no time, and some other stuff in between. Today she gives us a guided tour of the trade offs she’s found with each new attempt at the perfect balance.

From Nancy Davis Kho:

nancy davis khoOne of the first things I did after having my first child was to get my infant daughter’s passport picture taken. On maternity leave from a full-time job as an international product manager for a software company, I had the blithe confidence that comes only from total ignorance that I would pick up where I left off in traveling the globe to visit customers. Perhaps I could tuck the baby under my arm like a squirmy, poopy briefcase?

In the five years before Maddy’s passport expired, (having never once been stamped), I went from full-time work in an office, to full-time but working from home two days a week, to part-time working in an office, to laid off, and then back again to part-time, but working entirely from home for my employer. Another few years later and I landed in the situation in which I find myself now: working part time from home, and for myself, as a freelance writer and consultant.

I’ll precede my next observations with a caveat: I consider myself exceptionally fortunate that, in our family, having both parents work has been a choice. There would be significant lifestyle changes and probably a move away from the Bay Area were one of us to opt of the workforce completely, but we would still be OK, at least for awhile. For many families, there is no choice, not if they want to keep a roof over their children’s heads and food on the table. Read full story>

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The myth of part time

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by Katrina on April 13, 2011

My last full time job was leading a team of designers for a web agency. I used to hire a lot of freelancers when we had more work than our staff could handle. Some of these freelancers were moms who limited their hours so they could pick their kids up from daycare. They were exceptionally good, so it was usually no problem to work around their part time schedules. (Have you noticed working moms tend to have above average productivity and communication skills?)

I idolized these women’s lives. They looked healthier, more relaxed than the rest of us. There was something almost European about the way they lived. They rode their bikes to the office, came and went as they pleased, and blocked off whole mornings to help out at their kids’ schools, or go to pilates classes. (!)

Once, I had a dream that one of my freelancers told me I could make a million dollars a year if I would only quit my job and work part time like she did.

Part of that dream came true. I finally did quit (after contracting a bad case of vital exhaustion/spiritual awakening/Americanitis), and now I freelance part time. I do not make a million dollars a year. Or anywhere close. But working part time has given me my sanity back.

I’m lucky. The U.S. has the highest percentage of full time working women of any country in the world, and a recent Pew Research Center poll found 60% of full-time working moms would prefer to work part time, but can’t.

And yet…part time has its downsides.

This is an email I received recently from a blog reader (whom I’ve never met, but she happens to be my husband’s cousin).

From Linda:

I thought I’d write you as I am now getting some insight into an “ideal” work schedule. I can’t believe I’m bitching about working part time—but I have so many friends who are sure that it’s the answer to their dreams—a way to “have it all,” and I am sadly becoming certain that it just ain’t so. Read full story>

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Contest: Best slogan wins a…mug!

by Katrina on April 7, 2011

Last week I posted a story about how the birth rate is slowing down around the world, and how this in part relates to a kind of International Mommy Strike. (Studies show that when women are giving more support for working and raising families, the birth rate goes up closer to “replacement levels.”) If you’re still confused, read the story.

For kicks, I made up some goofy chants for the picket line (You don’t want to pay the PIPER? You can change the baby’s DIAPER!) There are more toward the bottom of last week’s story, and some in the comments of that story.

Now I’m asking YOU to write your own chant. Why? I don’t know why.

I just thought it would be fun. And maybe because all this stuff about how hard it is to raise children has reached a point of absurdity. Like the sick day thing. If you don’t laugh, you’ll cry.

The best chant will win a Working Moms Break mug!

That’s right. The first ever Working Moms Break mug.

Who wouldn’t want a classy Working Moms Break mug, the perfect thing for everyone’s coffee break. Imagine yourself, with your feet up on your desk, sipping deliciously hot coffee or tea. You look like any other hardworking mom or dad taking a much deserved break. But you’re holding your special mug, and thinking deep, subversive feminist thoughts.

I’ll post the slogans here and maybe, if we get a lot of them, on MomsRising.

Here’s what to do

Write your chants in the comments. It’s so easy. You can start with a classic union rhyme like

Hey hey, ho ho…..[add rhyme]

or

1, 2, 3, 4…[add rhyme] 4, 5, 7, 8 [add another rhyme]

or look at some of the ones people started in the comments here.

Try it. It’s fun!

About that mug…

I’ve never designed a mug before. This will be interesting. If you’re a designer and would like to offer a mug design…that would be awesome. Can’t pay you, but I’ll buy you the finished version. Email me: katrina@workingmomsbreak.com.

Please share this

Share this with your friends. The more chants people write the better. Right now I think four people have submitted chants, so the odds of you winning are high!

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Mommy’s on strike?

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by Katrina on March 28, 2011

If you’ve been reading the blog for a while, you know that I write a lot of posts about how overworked we are in the U.S. I write about how we lack government, workplace and familial supports that exist in many other parts of the world to balance work and family demands.

And if you read the comments on these stories, you know that every once in a while someone gets worked up and says we should all go on a Motherhood Strike.

I never know if this is a joke or not. What would we stop doing? Stop being mothers? But our families need us. Would we stop going to work? But we can’t afford it.

What if we just stopped having babies?

You know, like an anti-labor labor movement.

This may sound like a silly, made up argument, but right now, women in their childbearing years are “on strike” in more than 90 countries in Europe and Asia and it’s creating serious problems.

Confused? I was when I first read about this, too. I grew up hearing about the dangers of overpopulation, not underpopulation. But population growth has slowed dramatically. Today the average woman bears HALF as many children as she did in 1972. According to a Foreign Affairs story by Phillip Longman, the total number of human beings on the planet may begin to decline within our children’s lifetime.

This is good news in one way, because fewer people means fewer resources consumed. But it creates other problems. The birth rate is many countries is so low that it threatens the future supply of workers and taxpayers, which in turn, threatens the health and even national security of these countries. Whole cultures could die out. Which begs the question:

Why aren’t women in these countries having more babies?

Because the economics of family life have changed. Women are joining the workforce. They’re becoming less inclined to sign up for a large family and the stress and financial strain that goes with it.

You don’t want help us out? they say. Fine. Then raise your own future generation.

Could this happen in America?

Why not? Our current birth rate is 2.1, exactly replacement level. Wouldn’t you say that graduating more women from college than at any other time in history while simultaneously providing less support for working families than any developed nation in the world is practically willing it to happen?

I first read about this phenomenon in a 2010 book called The War on Moms, by Sharon Lerner. It’s fascinating stuff (and a great book). I started looking for other research about the International Baby Strike (also known as the Global Baby Bust) and found several stories, including this one, a 2008 New York Times story by Russell Shorto called ‘No Babies?’

It turns out women in Baby Bust countries want to have more babies but can’t swing it when a.) they don’t have family-friendly jobs and b.) their husbands won’t mop the floor. (We’re lookin’ at you, Italy!)

From the Times story:

“…women who do more than 75 percent of the housework and child care are less likely to want to have another child than women whose husbands or partners share the load…”

It doesn’t have to be like this.

Studies show that when women are given access to things like flexible work schedules and decent, affordable childcare, the birth rate starts to climb closer to replacement levels again. We just need a little helping hand. That’s all.

Also from the Times story:

“In Europe, many countries with greater gender equality have a greater social commitment to day care and other institutional support for working women, which gives those women the possibility of having second or third children.”

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Some picket line chants, in case you decide to join the International Baby Strike:

  • On strike! Shut it DOWN! My WOMB is now a union TOWN!
  • Pay a mother what she’s WORTH or forget about CHILDBIRTH!
  • Give us schedules that are FLEX or you get no procreative SEX!
  • 1-2-3-4 Pumping rooms need LOCKING DOORS! 5-6-7-8 We’re not going to REPLICATE!
  • You don’t want to pay the PIPER? You can change the baby’s DIAPER!
  • What’s disgusting? MOMMY BUSTING! What’s outrageous? PAY GAP WAGES!
  • What do we want? Flexibility, part time options, paid parental leave and sick days, and better on and off ramps! When do we want it? NOW!

Want to write your own chant?

It’s fun! Best one will win a prize.

Leave a comment or email me at katrina AT workingmomsbreak DOT com

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It’s too late for me to join the strike. The photo above is my little guy, Jake, when he was about 3 months old.

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Guest Post: 5 signs that your child is faking sick

by Katrina on March 21, 2011

Thanks everyone, for the great comments on last week’s post about dealing with sick days. I thought we’d stay with that theme for another week with this guest post by Kitty Holman about how to tell if your child is faking sick.

From Kitty Holman:

Ferreting out the Ferris Bueller in your Family: 5 Signs that Your Child is Faking Sick

As the spring approaches, allergy season is upon us, and you’ll probably be dealing with illnesses in the family. At the same time, however, you’re a busy working parent who can’t really afford to stay home whenever your kid has a mild case of the sniffles. Staying home to care for a sick kid is of course important, but knowing when your kid is faking will enable you to take the necessary time off when your child is truly sick. Here are a few tell-tale signs, gleaned from parenting experience and the helpful advice of my husband, a doctor:

1. The symptoms are vague and change from one area of the body to another in a short period of time.

This is usually a dead giveaway. Although older or cleverer children may think to report symptoms consistent with a specific illness, the younger ones are usually not so careful. If your kid is complaining about aching stomach one minute, then says her head or ears hurt the next, keep your guard up.

Read full story>

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Chickens into dinosaurs, “printing” live organs, self-driving cars, and other miracles from TED

Post image for Chickens into dinosaurs, “printing” live organs, self-driving cars, and other miracles from TED

by Katrina on March 7, 2011

I just spent the last week in Long Beach, CA, at the TED conference. This was my third year there, and once again, my mind was blown to smithereens.

The TED conference, in case you’ve never heard of it, is this incredible gathering of leaders in technology, entertainment, and design—accomplished do-gooders trying to improve the environment, education, and even basic human relations. You’ve probably seen some of the TED videos, like this one, which are free to the public.

This year, Deb Roy distilled thousands of hours of audio into 40 seconds so we could hear how his son learned to say the word “water.” Anthony Atala showed us a kidney he “printed” that morning (see photo above).  Jack Horner explained that he is learning to manipulate ancient genes in order to turn a modern day chicken into a velociraptor. The chef, Homaro Cantu, demonstrated how a piece of fruit from Africa called the ‘miracle berry’ can turn sour into sweet. (It has to be tasted to be believed. It made the slice of lemon I sucked on taste like lemonade.)

Aaron O’Connell, a quantum physicist, told us how he made a chip large enough to be seen with the naked eye appear in two places at once. (As a working mom, the implications of this were tantalizing. One day maybe I could be in my office AND push Jake on the swing at the same time?) Read full story>

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Letters from two stressed out dads

by Katrina on February 27, 2011

I get a lot of emails from women about what it’s like for them to try to work and be mothers. Every once in a while I post them with the author’s permission, like this one from Tennessee, and this one from Baltimore.

I think it’s important to share these stories, because it shines a light on the problem so many of us are grappling with. As a bonus, readers often leave kind, thoughtful comments, which I hope might provide a little bit of comfort.

Today I want to share letters from two dads. It’s easy to talk about work-family conflict as a “women’s issue” but as you’ll see, it affects dads, too.

I’ll call the first dad Scott. Scott asked that I not share where he works or the specifics of what he does, so I’ll just say he has a white collar job on the East Coast.

From Scott: Read full story>

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Wonder Woman, Ms. Obama, and hamburgers

by Katrina on February 21, 2011

Why aren’t there more female superheroes?

My friend, former housemate, and female superhero herself, Kristy Guevara-Flanagan, is making a film about it. Watch the trailer, which includes interviews with Gloria Steinem, Lynda Carter, and Lindsay Wagner (The Bionic Woman):

If you like what you see, donate to the Kickstarter campaign so she can finish the film.

* * *

What’s up with Democrats criticizing Michelle Obama for encouraging women to breastfeed?

* * *

Last but not least, travel the world, country by country, burger by burger. Your tour guide is a working mom who worked her ass off in corporate America for 20 years before deciding to be home with her kids.

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