Why are we here?

by Katrina on March 8, 2010

“How do you do it all?”

I used to get that a lot. From other moms at my son’s preschool. From parents at the Y where my daughter took swim lessons. From coworkers at the web consulting agency where I managed a team of designers. From the editor at the publishing company that offered me a contract to write a design book. Even from my husband.

I was a 37-year-old mother of three* and somehow, my kids, my marriage, and my career were all thriving.

Then, one Saturday afternoon in the spring of 2009, while driving to Target to buy diapers, I broke down. Not my car. Me.

photo by Natasha Mileshina

I pulled over to the side of the road, my hands shaking, barely able to breathe. I called my husband and sobbed, “I can’t do this anymore.”

Thus ended my career, and thus began a journey into crippling depression, anxiety, and insomnia; medication, meditation, and therapy. As I learned to heal my body and my mind, I searched for answers to one question: What the hell happened to me?

At first, I thought there was something wrong with me. After all, I had a loving husband, a supportive boss, healthy kids, a good income. If I couldn’t manage a career and a family then how were other women doing it, women who didn’t have all those advantages?

I started talking to my friends, my relatives, my housekeeper, my doctor, my babysitter. I wanted to know how were they managing it. Guess what? They weren’t. They suffered from panic attacks and depression, heart palpitations and hives, migraines and mysterious coughs that won’t go away. Some of them took anti-depressants. Others took anti-anxiety medications. Most of them fantasized about quitting their jobs. They were barely getting by. I had no idea. Like me, they had been putting a brave face on their suffering. Like me, they all assumed there was something wrong with them.

There are dozens of self-help books telling women they can do it all—succeed in demanding careers and still be good parents, good partners, and even happy, fulfilled people. But my experience and that of the women I know tells a different story.

I decided to start this blog as a place where I could organize my thoughts and connect with others who are thinking deeply about this issue. And so, dear reader, we find ourselves here, on an auspicious day, International Women’s Day, at the beginning of what I hope will be a fruitful conversation about why raising kids in the U.S. is so ridiculously, head-achingly, heart-breakingly hard, and what we can do about it.

If you have a story about raising kids and working or watching other people do it, I want to hear about it. If you’re a researcher or a policy maker and care about this issue, let’s talk. If you have a wild or brilliant idea for how to make this better, I want to hear about that, too.

Leave your comment here, or email me privately at katrina@workingmomsbreak.com.

*NOTE: I have two kids of my own and a stepdaughter on the weekends. I never know if I should say I have two kids or three. I usually say three because there are three children I love and care for on a regular basis.

{ 71 comments… read them below or add one }

Heather

I work almost full time night shift in trauma surgery, I go to school almost full time as well, and a single mother of three busy boys which the older two are in boy scouts which is a huge time commitment a lot of the time.
I don’t know how I do it or handle it honestly, but I try to regularly at least once to twice a week find time to join the free yoga in the park on the weekends. I meditate and ground myself every morning before I go to sleep to help me sleep or nap before my classes. I have had a nervous breakdown. I also have been dating a man for three years, because we both have such nutter schedules it works the best for now and he is ultra supportive of me and everything I’m doing just as much as I am supportive of his crazy schedule. I plan myself mini holidays six months to a year in advance with a best friend or even the guy I’ve been dating forever. It gives me a mini mental health break and I have the boys all situated with my ex husband or his family or even mine (depends on where I am traveling to). Taking a small amount of time just for yourself is absolutely essential. And I realize that I have an ex husband and his family- trust me, the majority of the time my boys are with me as he feels he is too busy with his life to have them longer than an hour after they wake up in the mornings and about two hours before they go to sleep on my work nights.
We all have to find something that works for us, even if its medications and therapy. We all have a breaking point and we all have to find a healthy way to cope. We can do it!

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Rachelle Loera

Do you have a fb page?

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Diamond

I’m mother of two and married for 15yrs im 36 yrs old I work overnight as s respiratory therapist. This year I have been breaking down feeling like I’m drifting away. I have been experiencing panic attacks, anxiety, coughing and headaches. I find my self repeatedly say this can’t be life Im the only one that cooks clean attend teacher conferences basically everything….. My husband is a pharmacist so we both make pretty good our kids are smart welled manner my friends swear I have the perfect life but little do they know I’m falling apart .where is the balance the happiness the real me not this fix it handle it she will do it me

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Jessie

I am glad to know I’m not the worst wife and mother on earth. I work very full time as a funeral director so I’m on call every evening and work monday-Friday and every other weekend. I only have a 2 year old and I do everything for her from baths meals laundry etc. I do all housework. My husband usually cooks dinner but that’s it. There’s no such thing as me time. Not showers not even while going to restroom. I love my daughter to death but sometimes my patience is spread thin. Almost once a week I feel like I’m having a nervous breakdown. Headache shortness of breath hands shaking. I wish there was some law to make it easier on working moms. I’m failing at the most important jobecause of my life being a good mother.

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Nichole

I am a mother of four and work full time. I feel overwhelmed and sometimes wonder if I exist as a person anymore. I love my kids but it am sick of being stressed, tired, and angry. I snap at my kids and I hate myself later. My husband works full time and then some so he is not home much. I am so tired and wish I could go on field trips and do bake sales but it I don’t have the time or energy. I am overwhelmed.u need the money for them but man I sometimes do t k ow how I can survive like this. I take it a day at a time and never make solid plans because I am never sure what my life will bring. It’s good to know I am not alone:(

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Jana

I am a full time working mom with a career, a 11 month old baby and my husband. We are not married but I don’t know how else to call him, boyfriend sounds so casual and teenage like and partner gives an automatic oh she has a lesbian partner impression(at least here in NJ where it is very common). I am a strong type A personality. It was never a problem until I became a mom. I am a control freak and I am failing because i am no longer in control. When it was just me or just me and my husband , everything was peachy. We have a beautiful child, she is the love of our lives , we are the perfect family people would say. Well, I am falling apart on the side line. I dont get sleep at night, spend hours rocking my baby some nights- its like a box of chocolates, you never know what u gonna get. Some nights are good, some are not. Not knowing gives me anxiety. I cant fully relax. I take it out on my husband/ the sweetest, sexiest man in the world, my love, my best friend and I hate myself for it and I resent him because she only wants me at night, daddy is for happy play time, mommy is for sleepless nights. Trust me I m well aware of all my flaws, I feel like I never knew who I was until motherhood uncovered the ugliest, the rawest, the most vulnerable me and also uncovered the most selfless, the most loving me I ever knew. Motherhood challenges me in ways no one ever and nothing ever did. It requires patience, the one thing I always struggled with. I feel so lonely , waking up million times a night checking the baby monitor even when my baby is having a good night . I m doing it to myself. I am obsessed with my childs well being. I need to know when she ate, what she ate, how long she napped, did she poop, I need a full report when i return from work. I micromanage everyone involved in her care. I feel guilt for not being with her- i am her mother after all. I feel like I am in a losing battle because when i can be with her i don’t fully enjoy her a lot of times because i think of cleaning and laundry and cooking and grocery shopping or im just so burnt out from work. Oh and i am a worrier. I always worry. I worry about baby and i worry about hubby. I love them too much. I want to protect them so they live forever- thats my super crazy unrealistic goal in life. I cant have a drink and have fun because i need to wake up at night to care for her, i cant go out because i need to get up with her. Im just a shadow. In the early hours of the day I am up putting on my makeup, dressing up putting my heels on while my child is asking for attention and play and I try to do it all but its a lost battle. I walk out of the door like a boss, but inside I am a mother who is new to all this and I m overwhelmed. And my relationship with my hubby? I get mean, I get cranky, I get short and snappy, I get irritated, and I hate myself for it. I love him, I miss him, I need him, I am just exhausted, chronically. And I keep saying I am sorry but feel that of i say it so much and so often it will lose its meaning to him. I dont want him to give up on me. We always pull through but i dont want to lose us, or our relationship to weaken. I see how disappointed he is in me at times when I am just not nice. I want to change that, thats not who I want to be. We dont even hug much anymore, we used to spend every second together hugging. I miss intimacy. Being a working mom with a career is freaking hard. I am torn. I am failing. I want to be better. I want to be able to relax, and enjoy things again. I doubt myself. I need to find a balance. And I need my hubby to understand, and be patient with me as I am figuring this thing out. Some moms make it look so easy, making me feel like a loser that I am struggling. I read something about a burn out with constant interruptions of REM sleep cycles and somethings about hormonal imbalance. I think I am going through this. I m hoping there are good angles of me that hopefully outweigh my negatives, otherwise I am screwed. For all the struggling mothers out there, we deserve a hug. We do it all, we put everyone else first, we are the heart of the home, and we are amazing. We just need to start believing that and take a chill pill. “There’s scarcely any happiness, passion or success without struggle. Life is a constant climb, but the journey is rewarding and the view is great. It’s just a matter of pushing forward when the going gets tough.”

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HP

Your post is me in a nut shell except with an 8 month old. I felt like I was reading what I wanted to write. I am glad I am not alone.

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Megan

Tears are trickling down my cheeks right now as I finish reading your post. Thank you for writing this. I have never found a way to describe this feeling and you nailed it. I had a complete meltdown driving my three year old to daycare today. We are STILL working on potty training and its… its just not clicking. I blame myself every day for not being able to be home with her. Maybe if I was home and not at work all day, she would have been fully potty trained by now. Regardless, I hope you know that you are not alone. I wish you the best of luck. <3

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Jessica

I’m happy to hear that my blog helped you out. I would like to respond to the potty training dilemma. It’s not your fault! Kids do this at there own age and will. I’m sure that daycare works on this too. My question to you is, this could the strategies at home the exact same as day care? This could be significant.

We all have guilt, that’s what makes us good mothers. My son (7) has gone through the daycare routine his entire life so far. To date, he even goes before his school days begin. He was a happy boy who loved spending time with me. I felt guilty but no worries. Three years ago I was promoted. It was a gradual change in family dynamic and my children. Behaviors changed, over tired kids because of how early they have to get up (5:15 am). We have an appropriate bedtime but that limits evening time for homework, dinner etc. My daughter (3) not too long ago was laying in bed. As we were hugging each other she said “Mama I want to keep you”.

So my husband and I did some research and planning financially. He are in a position that out Health Care for the family is carried through my husband. We can’t have the same life style as we do now. Drastic change! It will be very tough but it was a deduction that I knew was in a sense, easy to make. My husband will probably have to pick up a second job part time. If there is a will, there is a way.

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Melissa

Everything you wrote, is exactly what I recite in my mind everyday.

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Katherine Arnold

Sounds just like me! So glad I’m not alone.

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Charline

Hi,

Reading this was as if i wrote this. I am currently going through the same feelings/exhaustion. My daughter is now 1 and i still have not figured a balance. Also I’m such a worrier, i always let it get the best of me.

Keep your head up and thanks for sharing this post.

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Kelly

I’m married, I work full time, my husband works away, I have a two year old and I’m crying as I write this. My little boy is going through a ‘daddy’ phase, well I hope it’s a phase although it’s been going on for months. He doesn’t want anything to do with me, won’t let me pick him up and all he wants is his daddy, it’s hard when I am on my own so much with him. Some days all I want is cuddle but I don’t get it. I’m successful in my job and I love it and am the most senior female at my company but having to rush out the door at 5.30pm I’m missing out on being involved in important decisions. I also feel like a lot of the staff look at me differently because I can’t work late, but like you say what they don’t see is me logging on to my laptop as soon as Lucas is in bed. I feel like I’m losing me and I’m failing at everything, I’m so tired all the time. My friends don’t understand as they are all stay at home mums and I can’t talk to family as they never thought it was right that I went back to work in the first place. I don’t know what to do.

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Someone

I can’t even post under my name.

Re-married mom of two. Ex is a paranoid bipolar who keeps threatening to try to get custody of my kids. I work full time, but it’s not a career. I am a second shift office clerk. Meaning I spend all the time my kids are home from school working in an office full of windows catering to production workers. They sneak up on the windows and basically act like animals. The job is so detail oriented that it’s impossible for days to go by without feeling like a failure. The money is awful, so I’m really only working for the health insurance benefits. Which I need because I also have MS. Meaning that when I have nervous breakdowns – my nerves literally break down. My hands have been numb for seven months. Office work is a challenge. Did I mention it’s fast-paced?

My husband is great. Takes the kids to scouts and soccer. He’s supportive. My ex-husband complains about that, too.

I recently became certified to be a teaching assistant. Since I have zero experience I can’t get placement. So, this year, I’m on he sub list to better my odds. So some days I’ll be working from 7AM until midnight.

I don’t know how I’m going top survive this.

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Amanda

I’m a 34 year old mom to boy/girl twins who’ll be 3 in December and I work full time (1/2 day in the office 1/2 day from home) as an in house attorney. And I am losing my mind. I am already on anxiety meds and anti depressants, and if I had any time at all in life, I’d be doing yoga too. I still feel like I’m going to have a nervous breakdown or run away to a deserted island or something. It is just positively overwhelming. I wake up, getting everyone ready, throw myself together in about 4 minutes, race them to school, take calls on the way to the office, race around the office half the day, race back to school to race home to take more calls, this time with screaming children and a barking dog in the background, attempting a dance of muting my phone and unmuting at the exact moment I need to speak which may–if it’s a really good day–line up with a moment of quiet in be background. My husband is awesome and helps as much as he can (makes lunch, helps during the night and will take them to school once or twice a week), but even still I’m overwhelmed. My kids are also very clingy, especially right now since they just started preschool. The house is a mess, constantly, I can never stay on top of laundry or dishes, even with some help. I can’t quit as we need the double income to support the expense of twins. Also, I really do have a great boss who does take good care of his people, (despite being a very busy environment) so it’s as ideal a working situation as I could hope for. That said, I truly, truly don’t know how my body will continue to bear the stress I’ve done to it physically and mentally. I love my family and have and when it’s the best, it’s the best, but the balancing act during the week is chipping away at my soul, one business day at a time. Any advice outside of “make more time for yourself” or “get more help!” would be greatly appreciated!

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Jessica

My husband I were paying for someone to clean our house and do our laundry. It felt like a blessing at first until my son, one day, went to put clothes in his hamper after wearing the for an hour just in the house. When i said they are clean he replied, “why does it matter mom, Miss M. Does our laundry. How can I get mad at him…this is his normal. What am I teaching my kids! Certainly not the values that I want for them. Have you analyzed your spending over the last year? Try it. You will be amazed how you are spending your money and hopefully realize small and large ways to cut back. Hopefully this will open a door for you and your family. Good luck

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Becky

It doesn’t matter who does your laundry; children should value the effort/time/money it takes for laundry to be done. And they should respect belongings. I’m not criticising you at all; just saying you should not feel bad that someone else does your laundry. Hell I pay someone to iron my clothes and I’m at home most of the time!

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single dad

It isn’t just Mom’s although that’s the majority. There are single Dad’s struggling with this too whose kids Mom is definitely not nearly as competent as you. America is broke. We are in difficult economic times and everyone is pressured to do more past their limits. Policymakers in Washington never get anything done locked in partisan debates. We can’t as a people continue to be like this. You can’t have two rock star parents in a dual income house and raise a good family and all the other stuff, it’s just TOO MUCH. Throw in taking care of elderly parents and you have a recipe for wanting to just jump off a cliff.

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Heather

I agree there is Dad’s that do this everyday. It is growing my brother is trying to get full custody of my nephew because the Mom is off her rocker. He works and has side jobs.
I will say it is overwhelming for a parent no matter married, single, separated. Unfortunately one parent is the one that is scraping to make it. Families should come together. We are here for our children, our future.
Thank you single dad

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Jessica

I agree. I never believed this before as a young woman and young mother. Now that I have almost a decade under my belt, I know now one of the biggest social changes that have negatively impacted our society is there is no longer a “stay at home parent”. It doesn’t matter if it’s mom or dad. Even if you have the best nanny, it’s still not mom or dad.

I was raised in a middle to upper class family with both parents working full time. That was my normal. When I had my kids I never thought anything different, just thought that is what we (parents do). Yikes! What a mess.

There is a significant reason why many households can’t have a stay at home parent….Washington…wake up! How many billions are we going to pour in to programs to support kids? How about being proactive and pay the Anerican parent what is needed for a quality of life that can afford a parent to raise their own child.

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Jessica

Yes! That is exactly the point I was making earlier…you are spot on! I currently work with adolescents and I see day to day the pattern and trends that society has manifested into our children’s lives. Anxiety, mental health, you name it. It’s not the “hot new diagnosis” it’s real. Two income families have no choice but to live a rushed life style (anxiety). Parents don’t have the time, opportunity, or energy to recognize this epidemic and if they do, when do they have the time to teach and model coping skills? It is close to impossible. Like I said, I see it daily. I am one of those parents who is lucky enough to recognize the impact in my young children. As much as I try to teach them coping skills I do not model them. It is easy to blame kids, parents, and even doctors. We shouldn’t. Not all, but many significant and high rate issues our children have are no doubt related to two income families. It’s a shame. My very first post was a week or so ago. Since then, my husband and I have made the leap of faith. My resignation from a high profile position within my career path was accepted this past Monday. On October 14th I will no longer be employed. My husband and I are planners and have to always have things in order. We have our “t’s” crossed but not our “i’s” dotted. Big leap! If we didn’t just crossed our fingers and jumped I would have never had the courage to actually quit. We still have health care, but we are now going to have to live on one salary. I don’t know exactly how, but if there is a will there is a way. I walked away from a job that I love but I feel so at peace with the decision I made.

I found this quote: “Don’t sacrifice for the life you want. Sacrifice for the life your children deserve”

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bobbyjo

Please help hi I am a 26 year old mom with a 14 month old daughter and 7 year old son I work full time just starting off a s self employed business owner. I clean houses do everything from laundry dishes clean I no etc. So my day starts with getting the kids up and dressed fed breakfast etc. Feed animals get myself ready in 5 minutes get my son off to school and my daughter either goes to family daycare or comes with me to work. After woek go gwt my daughter Get home clean house get son off bus do homework start dinner kids play a little then baths and bed. Then bk to cleaning laundry prep for nxt day. I feel like I’m going crazy I have no patience o snap easily I’m just not happy. My boyfriend kids dad works alot and helps with well not much. I honestly want to run away. Plus I have crohns diease so I try not to stress out cuz I don’t want to end up very sick again. Any suggestions would b great.

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Jessica

Have you ever kept a log of what you are doing every 3-5 minutes? You are probably thinking “no way there is time to do that”! Try it. You’ll be amazed. Collect the actual information first. Then analyze and reflect. Then write a formal schedule. Allow 30 minutes of duty free and personal time. I know, 30 minutes is impossible. So break it up. Schedule in three 10 minute breaks. The break has to be quiet without distraction. The most difficult part of this is keeping a daily log for 1-2 weeks before beginning this strategy.

If the time is impossible to fit in, then make it something that your kids can join in on and leave you alone at the same time.

White noise- Lay or sit with eyes closed- if kids have to be with you have them do the same thing. They can’t touch you though. Try 5 minutes at a time depending on age of kids.

You may have to get creative and put pictures on the ceiling for the kids if they won’t be able to sit for a few minutes without your attention.

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Jessica

Quick summary:
35 yrs, mom of two (ages 7 & 3), married 10 yrs

Started career off strong and successful. Had baby number one. Took short time off and back to work because in this century most often middle class families HAVE to have two incomes. Going back to work was emotionally difficult. I got over it. Working mom (check), healthy child and husband (check), time and energy left for family (check).

Then baby number two. Took short time off. COULD NOT WAIT TI GO BACK TO WORK!

Career was good, time was decreasing, energy was running lower. Then the big promotion. My career goal, at a young age.

No more babies in the house but two fun and active kids. Time, time, time, energy….dwindling away at a slow rate.

Now, fast forward two years (to present). I love my job, love my kids, can tolerate my husband (most of the time). Kids doing well in school and then meltdowns, problems, sleep problems and more with the kids. My husband is very involved, beyond 50/50. Very nurturing and structured. Actually, the perfect parent and supporting husband who supports all decisions I make about life and career. So what’s the problem? He’s simply not “mom”.

No Dad bashing here at all but, in nature women are instinctly different to the male parent. It’s biology.

I am currently in the logistics stage of resigning completely to stay home and not only raise my kids the way I believe is best, but to have the satisfaction that I am able to provide calmer environment to live. It doesn’t matter how well my husband and I parent, but time you can not alter. Our children and we were stuffing from “chronic rushed syndrome”- yes, I just made that up.

I know that I’m doing what is best for my family because I’m able to walk away from my dream job with ease and a sense of calmness.

No more paying for someone else to raise and teach my kids, no more paying for a house keeper who cleans, and dies laundry. Yes, that affords me time, but that’s not what I want my children to know and experience.

Is the career woman/mom achievable?- certainly
Is it easier for some than others?- certainly

There is no right or wrong. It’s about the message and environment that you value for your family.

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Jess

I am in a similar situation and contemplating the same thing. Add an extra kid. I have no time, however my husband cannot manage the “mom” jobs and is definitely not super dad, will not even cook dinner. I work 3-11 so the mom jobs do fall on him however I meal prep our food, do 90% chores, work out, grocery shop etc. He works overnight and sleeps during the day so life is rough. My 7 yo son has been acting out in school then add he failed last yr I blame that on myself, although dad was in charge of homework and thought it was not important. We are re peating last year’s pattern. I just get scalded by the dad if I bring it up. I want to be a good mom. I want to finish my degree. Finances are tight if I stay home. But my son can not fail again. My 3 yo needs to be potty trained I find 2 hrs a day while I am cooking and showering is near impossible. Then on my days off I still am alone, I might see *dad* around for 2 to at most 3 hrs on those days he does not contribute. I feel as the last 2.5 yrs has been an endless hell, going back to work with 3 kids was a horrible decision. I feel if I don’t stay home I will either end up divorced and miserable or my kids will fail. I just don’t know what to do. I do pay one paycheck a month to a sitter that I can’t write off on taxes, but the only thing I can’t afford if I stop working is health insurance which is a $2000 a yr fine for not being covered now.

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Jessica

Would your husband’s job cover the health care? I know someone who opened a separate checking account and was able to have her direct deposit separated in two amounts. One amount was for childcare. All of the rest was tucked away. She even shredded the debit card so it wasn’t as easy to withdrawal from. It was a practice round to see if they could make it work. It took several months to learn how to live a different life style. It made them realize where and how they could cut back. It gave them hope. They are still in the process of this “trial run”.

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Tooba

I am glad I found this website and I hope it will answer my questions. Iam a working mom age 35. I am a high school teacher works from 7 30 am to 3 pm. I have 3 kids age 6.5, 3.5 and 1.5. After school my brain is extremely tired and iam unable to give quality time to my kids. I have become irritated, short temper and no patience at all to anything which tries to ruin my routine. I implement after school routine effectively but iam never ready for anything which can delay or spoil it. I have been asking myself a question if staying at home and giving them quality time and education is important or earning a respectable income for our present or future well being is important? Iam swinging in between and I need help to resolve this. Please help me.

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Jessica

Carla, as a former educator (high school as well) the mental and emotional demands are beyond what anyone outside the career would know. It has become a field of “CYA” more than educational influence. I loved my job and the students who I taught. All great but many obstacles due to their family life. I exhausted most of my energy to these students both academically and dealing with their barriers. Society is what it is now. I never wanted to turn my back on these students however, I was spending more time, energy, and focus “parenting” other people’s children than my own. I care and want to help students but not at the expense of my own children.

So I resigned. Financially struggling but 100% well worth it. Being able to walk my own son to the bus stop in the morning with my little girl and dog beside me is the best feeling ever. Within one week I noticed a significant difference in my kids. I was surprised how this naturally reduced the fighting among my husband and I. He is a wonderful person and hands on dad who shares all responsibility around the house. This impacts him as well because there is a lot less for him to manage now too. I used to dislike the nights that it was my turn to cook. Now, I actually enjoy it because my new role is taking care of the family which is very fulfilling. I still hate cleaning, but it makes me happy that my kids are learning that in life you have to take care of these types of things.

One week in and I am still super busy because of the years of neglect to the household needs. Once I get caught up I will easily be able to maintain and provide sustainability. I will force myself to take some “me time”. When I say force it is because I have to re teach myself how to relax and not always feeling that something needs done. It will take time. It is also a completely different mindset. When I was working I would not have time or would feel extremely guilty if I considered doing something for myself.

Teaching was important to me. Within this first week of staying at home I realize how low it is on my family’s priority list.

I’m poor now but my son, daughter, husband and myself are happy and calm. Well worth the financial struggle.

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Lindsey

I Googled “working mom tired and sick” and wound up here. I’m sitting at my desk unable to focus on work anymore. I am a new mom with a 6 month old baby. I love him more than anything, but stress constantly about not being enough for him. He started daycare 2 months ago and reverse cycle feeds so I am lucky if I get more than an hour sleep at a time each night. I try to go to bed with him around 9:30 and get up for the day at 5:30. I have been sick, just cold-like symptoms for about 10 days, but each day I feel more and more worn out and feel like a collapse/breaking point is near. I don’t know how much more working and not sleeping I can handle. My husband loves our baby, but is having a hard time adjusting to a new life schedule and is dealing with some other stressful issues due to my crazy mother in law, so pretty much all baby and house responsibility falls to me. I spend all my waking time feeling ovewherlmingly guilty; guilty about not being a good enough mom because it’s obvious from the changed feeding pattern that my baby wants to be home with me, but we need two incomes, guilty because I am desperate to make my time with my baby count, so I neglect household chores, personal care and my husband, who I know feels neglected, but I don’t what to do, and guilty for honestly being a low productivity employee since I’m so tired and consumed by stress about everything else. I don’t know why I’m randomly typing all of this here, but it feels good to write it down. Basically, I’m over-tired, I don’t feel good, I feel like I’m drowning in guilt, and I don’t know how to fix it.

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Laura

I am right there with you. Working mom with a 1 year old at home. I got to this site from a Google search as well because I feel extremely anxious, unhealthy and like I’m on verge of a breakdown. Leaving a kid with daycare or nanny is extremely tough for starters, let alone trying to be fully functional at work when you’re lacking sleep & highly stressed & limited on time.

I feel guilty for wanting a break. I feel like a failure for not finding time for me or my husband like how it used to be. I feel guilty for trying to wrap up work stuff when I’m home instead of fully dedicating myself to my baby. I feel In a black hole with debt with no escape, and how will I ever get to stay home and save for a college fund? At the same time hubby wants to try for baby #2. Ironically I want that too but HOW!? I get scared that I will have a full on breakdown soon.

I know my response is no answer for you, but you are not alone. Thank you for this website and comments. There’s got to be help somewhere for all of us…

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Lindsey

Thanks for the reply. It is helpful to know we’re not alone, even if there doesn’t seem to be any great answers. I feel you on the debt too, I’ve got a chunk of student loans that may never go away. I want to want another kid, mostly because I want my son to have siblings, but I have no idea how we’d handle it.

Good luck and God bless.

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Laura

Thank you Lindsey! Good luck to you as well. May we stay strong & God help guide us all!

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Araceli

I’m a child care worker and a mother of three. Living on one income is tough so I have found myself having to suck it up every time I have the urge to quit. I guess things wouldn’t be so bad if my husband didn’t think that my jod both in and out of the home was a walk in the park. Yes I know his job is hard yes I know he comes home exhausted and still manages to get a few chorse around the house done. I just feel that despite all I do things just aren’t good enough for him. He’s hinted about me getting a part time to on the weekends which I refuse to do because it’s the only time I get to spend with my children. I feel like absolute crap any time I take a moment for myself because I already feel inadequate enough. I just want to be able to find peace in knowing that I am enough that I am appreciated and that what I do matters.

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Lisa

I’m 45 years old, married for 20 years, have two kids 17 and 15, work full time as an IT Director. There is just not enough of me to go around. My 17 year old tried to kill herself 6 years ago and it’s been a whirlwind ever since. She been admitted to a mental hospital 5 times. We go to her doctor appts twice a week for 6 years. Used to be more when we had a day for family counseling. My poor son is an angel and is often overshadowed by his sister but he manages it well. My daughter wants my husband and I to get divorced. She’s come right out and says it. She gets mad at him for trying to enforce rules to which she threatens suicide. It’s parenting on eggshells. There’s barely time to clean the house, manage yard work, do laundry. We rarely cook dinner as my husband is too tired when he comes home from work. I work 14 hrs a day and am just exhausted. I bring home more money than my husband and my family has gotten accustomed to affording a certain lifestyle and would not be open to changing, especially my husband. My daughters recent behavior has pushed me over the edge and I feel broken. I don’t know how my husband and I have stayed married as long as we have. We are always in fire fighting mode. I would like to stop this craziness. I don’t know how. I love my husband and kids but I’m just spent and my husband is too. I feel used and abused by my daughter and want to escape but don’t know how. Missing the love:-(

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Sasha Cohen

This is a great blog post. I have been struggling with personal issues for 10 years and have found reaching out online to seek the advice of others has helped me through the good and bad time. I have always had relationship issues because I wanted to have it all and have started to follow the advice of Dr. Robi Ludwig. I saw her on a tv show once and I really appreciated her take on current psychological issues. She has written two books but my favorite book is “Your Best Age is Now” I have read it and loved it! I highly recommend it to anyone out there struggling. Here is a link to her book: https://www.amazon.com/Robi-Ludwig/e/B001HD07NE

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Tired mom

I am mother of 5 children and currently 35 wks pregnant. We have 2 house payments because we moved without selling our old house …2 yrs ago!!! My mother in law lived next door to us and passed away from cancer – we needed to leave and start anew. I’m utterly exhausted, my husband works late every night and kids are in bed before he gets home . I feel like I physically,mentally,and emotionally can’t do this anymore ! He is always gone and we really don’t get any time together alone. Sick of this!

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Linda

Hopefully a good change will happen soon for you! Please take care. I am unable to offer any advise because I am not mentally well either

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Tammy

I could’ve written your post except I’m a single mom to a special needs child. I’m seriously drowning. I have virtually no help at all. I’m always alone. I can’t date because I have no free time. I have no desire to do anything anymore because I’m always exhausted and then I stay up too late so I can get some “me” time.

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Jessica

Contact your township or county. They will have a variety of service to help you, for free.

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crazymom

I work 2+ jobs / 50+ hours a week / 3 kids & animals. Husband wants a spotless, sterile home without any contention, messes or anything out of place. Completely unrealistic! I can park outside in horrible weather while his vehicles are in the garage. I haven’t had a vacation in a few years and my only time off work is to help kids or grandkids. Desperately need a break, but husband is bound and determined the house will be paid off in ’10 years’ at any cost. This is killing us. No family vacations or really anything for our children to call memories, but hey – in 4+ more years the house will be paid! I’m terribly resentful as I will miss my Senior daughters FFA parent activity this Saturday cause I work 6 days a week. In another few weeks, I will miss my fulltime jobs company work holiday party since that is on a Saturday as well. Ironically, my husband and son both work at the same company as my full time job. Different positions – just worked out that way. They will be able to attend, while I will be cutting hair for 7 hours straight at a salon that Saturday.
Husband takes time off to fish, hunt, scout camps, etc. Has a week off at end of the month for hunting. Communication is horrible with him. He actually just got mad at me for buying a 50 lb. bag of potatoes and leaving them in my car for a couple of weeks without him knowing!! And I didn’t pay the internet bill last month so I was reprimanded since a late notice was received. We have separate rooms for the past couple of years. This has gone from bad to worse in the couples department. He will not consider a 2nd job and has no empathy for the time I am away or how tired I am. Serious health and heart problems has started manifesting themselves recently, even though I eat extremely healthy, frugally with approximately a $30 budget for my meals per month.
What to do? how to cope? there has to be something to look forward some day, right? I feel like it is day in, day out with nothing positive, except my beautiful children and 4 grandkids that make my day with their cute smiles. I don’t know how much longer I can keep up this charade. He feels I am always angry and negative, which is absolutely untrue. I do fake my true feelings at both my jobs and with my children as everyone has their own problems.
My oldest daughter has suggested that she wishes I were happy and could leave him to move on. Problem is finances by myself and finding a house I could actually afford that is close to my married children, both jobs and close for my senior in high school. What a mess 🙁 / how do you cope when you literally feel like you have to be so neat and tidy you can’t live. He doesn’t say much about this, but his mood and reactions are so obvious that he needs a full time maid & slave for a wife. Somehow I have got to figure out how to do it all and be the perfect wife that doesn’t need any sleep or depression to deal with. Ready to up those meds just to get through the days.

help please :=-)

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PJ

So pleased to have found this site. Even better to read that I am not alone. I am 43, mother of a 8 & 7 year old. Was a stay at home mom for 8 years. Decided to go back to work 30 hours/week. I just reached my 90 days at my new job and am feeling exhausted, frazzled, unsure about my decision to work 30 hours, feeling i took on more than handle. My drive to work is 1 hour each way, traffic is a nightmare! Pay is not the best either. Hubby works 10 hour days, so I’m still responsible for many household duties that are barely getting finished. Not sure if this will get better or will I just be able to “handle” the madness?

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Carla

I find myself parked in front of the office building I work in. Crying because I am exhausted. I have a paper due tonight for the university I attend and I barely even started. I have two children, a 5 year old; who this morning told me “I’m sorry mommy are you frustrated?” He sees me rushing and demanding all the time because I don’t have time to be playing with him. I don’t want to be that type of mother to him. I have a 8 month old too and I feel the same way. I feel horrible all the time. My house is always a mess and my mother always tells me when she visits, why don’t you clean more! I want to, believe me but I also have so much homework! not to mention dinner to cook. My husband helps me tons but it’s not enough….I am overwhelmed, blob,who just wants to quite everything….I use to be an artist…now I don’t think I picked up a pencil or paint brush in over a year. Where did I loose myself? I’m only 24 and I feel so run down already.

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Sabrina

I’m a 34 year old FT working mom with a career firefighter husband and a four year old boy and my name is Sabrina. I have grappled with being a mom for a long time and I’ve developed a very severe panic disorder requiring therapy and medications. Some weeks are great and others require me to go to bed early or even leave work early despite the ramifications from this. I think with panic disorders our bodies are telling us to SLOW IT DOWN, slow it way down, despite what others or yourself may expect of you. Slowing it down rings especially true of mothers whether you are working or stay at home. We must continually find ways to nurture ourselves even when we aren’t able-grab that warm cup of tea at a meeting. We aren’t robots on automatic. We are dynamic beautiful creative women trying our best to be our best and do what’s best for our family. Sometimes we have too much wine or leave the house dirty or leave the tv on too long for our kids. I’m always in awe at how much we beat ourselves up over these things when we are actually doing just fabulous. Shame and guilt are things I’m always battling with: body shame, guilt for working, shame for opting out of my husbands family gatherings when i just can’t function, guilt over going to the gym, shame when the gym coaches notice my absence, guilt when i take time away from the gym, shame when i take off from work for mental health reasons, guilt when i return, shame for not being a hovering mother, guilt for wanting a day off from this all, and so the cycle continues… but deep down we are all f$cking amazing people not just women. We aren’t these labels: woman, mom, wife, employee. We are Sabrina, Jessica, Amy, Eva, we have a name. We are that. We are allowed breaks and break downs and boundaries. find what inspires you, in fact write down 30 things that do, it might bring you back to your dynamic self and for Gods sake, don’t let her go.

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Daybyday

I’m older with a teenaged son; divorced. I had to get a job in the midst of my divorce. Got one, and subsequently got 2 promotions. I was extatic!

Joke’s on me. I’m now working 12 hour days 5 days a week and away from my home for 14. I also do community volunteer work maybe 5 hours a week because I want to (involves a hobby). It’s the only way I’ve met new people, and do something for myself too. My job is beyond stressful, and at my age, I’m probaby not going to stay in this position even if it makes me pinch pennies. Making myself sick isn’t worth it – especially because my son and I only have each other.

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Debbie Tannehill

I am a full time elementary school teacher (teacher of the year this year), married thirteen yrs with six kids. I have two in college (one with epilepsy and just now driving/working), one in middle school, two in elementary school, and one that will start kindergarten next year. My husband is a pharmacy tech for a drug store.
We have a tuba player, 2 baseball players, and a ballet dancer. All our kids have straight A’s since joining public school last year (homeschooled previously). We bottled fed 2 abandoned kittens and now they are ours.
We never stop. We don’t have tv-just Netflix, rarely have invitations out or date nights. We live paycheck to paycheck and live in a 1100 square foot house. We eat tacos and a lot of apples. We cant afford organic things, essential oils, designer stuff, or sport team game tickets. I bake home made breads for extra money for extra expenses (like baseball).
I accepted a very long time ago that my kids needs came above my selfish wants. I accepted a long time ago that I would never be able to go on a cruise, take my kids to Disney (gasp! We live two hours from it in Florida), have a pintrest house, lavish birthday parties, log cabin winter get aways, or be part of THE crowd. Who cares!
What I do have are: respectful and happy kids who pull weeds for the elderly neighbor, love school, do not do drugs, teach themselves what they want to know, work hard, value honesty and family. I concentrate on MY family and not on what everyone else has or does. I have amazing, brilliant kids.
I am always exhausted with anemia and a low white blood count thanks to hereditary autoimmune dysfunction, degenerative disc disease, and adhd. Mental exhaustion is a part of my daily life. Coffee breaks, painting, day trips to the beach, hot baths with wine, and a supportive husband keep me going. I dont want to sacrifice the joy of being a mom. I have learned to be okay despite exhaustion. We can handle more than we are brainwashed to believe by society. Know when to say NO, know that an empty cup serves no one, and know that the last years in life are for resting.

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Jessica

Debbie, I disagre and agree with you. Kudos to you and your kids as it sounds like they have sound roots and values. My little one do to until I recognized that it was starting to fade. Mine and my husbands schedules and responsibilities to others was taking away from us teaching and parenting the way we once did.

True, an empty cup serves no one. Most of the posts I’ve read reveal that mom’s no this but have their hands tied for opportunities to fill their cup.

I know that for my sanity and the emotional well being of the family that I needed to fill my cup no teach them the skill to fill theirs as well.

I was raised in a way that never stopping to take breaks was frowned upon. Not good. I do not know how to take time for myself to fill my cup even 1/4 of the way. It will be a learning process for me.

I want to teach by modeling that you do work hard. Never give up. You earn rights. You are not entitled. Balancing life. This requires, in my opinion to model what that looks like too. So, I disagree that you have the last years of your life to rest. I want to be home with my kids now to raise them the way that they deserve. If I have to work the last years of my life it will be well worth it.

For me, it’s the quality of time with them and how how we use our time together.

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LeeAnn Penny

Myy boyfriend and I used to work the same schedules 8-5 and when I would get home from a long exhausting day I was expected to clean and cook and be super woman. I would ask for help and he would tell me what do u want me to do and I would tell him. Well it wouldn’t get done or he works to hard for that or that my job wasn’t as physically exhausting like his was and he shouldn’t have to come home and do that. That the reason was that is why men look for women not only for companionship but to do the “women’s work.” I no longer work the 8-5 job I take care of a very special child in the morning and evening(split shifts) 5-8 and 3-10 or 12 depending on how she is feeling or when her parent gets off work. It is long demanding hours but my 66 hr weeks don’t end there. I get up before everyone and I am in bed after everyone. Plus I work another job clearing land one day a week. My boyfriend tells me I don’t care about them that all I do is stay away from home. My car was on its last leg it wouldn’t get me five min down the road before it was overheating and his is a constant battle. My new employer paid for a new used car so that I could get the little girl back and forth to school and is letting me make payments all in good faith I will hold up my end of the deal. WOW my mind was blown I have worked hard all my life and have nothing to show for it and then a blessing in disguise is laid in my lap. My boyfriend says this new schedule doesn’t work for him and that I need to fins him a woman companion bc I am never home not for sex just to have a woman around. Now with that being said I am home sat and Sundays I work 4-5 hours but while I am there I am cleaning a house that hasn’t been touched since the weekend before and the last one who did clean was me. I am getting to where I don’t even want to see him bc all he does is nag at me saying I don’t care all I want to do is stay gone and how much I’m missed. Well if that’s the case why can’t he lift a flipping finger and pick up after his own lazy ass I ain’t got ur personal bi%ch wrote across my forehead and I sure as hell don’t have Cinderella syndrome. I do my best and pay my part of bills and its never enough. Its never gonna be is it? I’m working on a severe mental breakdown and I don’t have that option. Please help I need the advice.

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Heather

You need to get out of that mess, he wants his cake and eat it two!!! Pun intended if a man told me to find him another woman companion I would probably kick him very hard! We do not live in times where that should be acceptable, we should work together.
I am now divorced, my youngest still lives at home trying to buy a car. Because with my divorce, I got the insurance on both his kids and mine, granted my choice because god forbid something happen to them. I also got to file a conversion Chapter 7 because my husband decided he wanted to quit his job and quit paying rent everywhere he lived and moved into a fricking storage unit!!! Blames me of course because I would not let him and his druggie friends come back home. They were women hanging out it was awful. I finally got him to go back to KY to stay with his sister. But his goal is to walk to California and surf. $10000.00 in new debt this past year and he got to wipe it clean, while I am supporting 1 child and helping his 2 kids when they need it. I got a car payment and they put me 2 months behind and tacked all the interest back on! They are like my children, the oldest son lives here close to me and didn’t move back with his Dad.
D my oldest step son, called me the other night his truck was at my place for a wedding he was going to up the road, so I went and picked him up. We chatted, he told me he knew his Dad was sad that he did not go back with him. But he had a life here and he was doing well and didn’t want to go to that mess back there. He then said he understood why I kicked his butt so much and he felt like my nagging is what got him to understand that in the real world you need to do for yourself! He loved me like his Mom and he thanked me for always being there! Every Mom’s Dream!

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LeeAnn Penny

Thank you for your input I am always open to a fresh set of eyes to help me see past the blinders. I agree I wanted to not kick him but make him eat his teeth I have a 12 year old son who relies on me and he is my heart and soul. I have been through some damaging relationships and have found that I just need us for now. I thank you again from the bottom of my heart your words of wisdom will not be put on the back burner.

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Heather

You got this Lee Ann- I love this site even if I just need to get my venting and frustration out! I also have several unsent texts in notes screaming out my frustrations it helps too! It is always helpful to bounce things off someone that is going through the same things or similar that is neutral. I know I am not perfect either and I am hard to live with there is just some limits and boundaries that should be set and were when you are with someone

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LeeAnn

I am in the process of moving out we had a huge blowout and he told me to get my son and leave not that nicely so i did. He was very drunk VERY drunk and calls and texts the next day claiming he doesnt remember half of what happened. Well i recorded over an hour of it. He has been begging me to come back and keeps telling me that he never knew what he had til it was gone. He has started AA and has been texting me trying to get me to tell him that i will come back. That may help but it doesnt fix the last year of hateful ugly things he has said or done and it doesnt fix the anger issues. Granted it is a start, but i have been in abusive relationships and it never ends u go back and its good for a minute and then goes right back to the same shit and sometimes gets so much worse. I love him always will but i love my son and myself more. I want to be happy and I actually have a friend that i have moved in with he is letting me stay with my son in the spare bedroom and has helped me so much that i cant thank him enough. He is a wonderful man that treats me and my son with so much respect and kindness that i never knew existed. I am greatful for the hospitality and i cannot thank him enough. I have always been told when one door closes another one opens. This gentleman that im living with is single and ive known him for a while and he is older than me but we have alot of common interests and share alot of the same views he is very handsome and there is something there. I feel like i am rushing things but everything feels so right and i know he feels the same bc he has told me so. When hes here he opens doors for me washes the dishes after i cook and has always treated us with upmost respect. He doesnt drink or smoke he is nothing but wonderful, i have been here for two weeks and everything has been crazy with me but he has supported me and talked with me through the tears and what more could i ask for?

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Heather

LeeAnn, remember take care of you and your son first! I am glad you got out. Don’t rush, I know everything seems wonderful but you need to make sure that you are both ok if it is right it is good to be slow. Hugs and good thoughts your way

Holly

I’m a divorced mom with a 16 yr. old daughter a 14 yr. old son, a split-shift job.. 6a-9a and 2-10 ..that 9 often ends up being 11. I slept two hours last night trying to catch up on housework so I don’t get evicted, and my teenage daugter was yelling at me that it’s Halloween and she wants me to go to the store to buy her costume. I can’t fucking move right now, i got lucky and only had to work a morning because we have gotten a little extra help. I am tired and my kids just treat me like I’m a lazy blob, and my daughter says she doesn’t have a mother. I know why she feels the way she does, and it sucks that I don’t want to quit. The last few years I have quit jobs after a year trying to find work-life balance. I can’t keep doing this, and this is one of those rare deals.. i love my job, i hate the hours. I love my kids. I miss my kids, I don’t know how to deal with anything anymore. It just pisses me off when others think it’s as easy as popping a pill, fuck ive been on adderall for 2 years for my “adhd”.. I sometimes daydream about dying, because I’m not allowed to be happy and be a mom at the same time.

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Jessica

Holly,
I’m not an expert on ADHD however, at the age of 41 my husband was recently diagnosed with ADHD. So I understand how this impacts parenting, family dynamics, and your health. I also have 14 years working with teenagers who have this disorder.

How are your son and daughter spending their time after their school day? Sports/activities/jobs? Maybe I can help.

If you have to work then you have to work period. If your happiness comes from you liking your job then keep this position for sure!

How are your kids spending their non-school hours?

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Dawn

I’m happy I found this site and now know that I’m not alone. I have a good job, supportive husband, 2 darling children (everything I could want in life). I feel so exhausted and hopeless week after week. I hate that I miss out on volunteering at school. It makes me cry when the kids ask why I can’t be there. The toll of working full-time and trying to take care of a family is tough. I tell myself that I should be happy not sad since we are not destitute.

In the spirit of Thanksgiving, my children and I have filled out “Thankful Tags” where we’ve written down what we are thankful for and hang them on ornament hangers. It makes me feel good when I finish one but then I end up in tears thinking about going back to work from a wonderful weekend to once again clamber to make it though the next week.

Good luck to everyone in finding a “real” work-life balance. I know I need one.

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Raymond

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Sid

I work full time with an almost 3 year old ( my rainbow baby btw) and commute an hour each way for work. I am the “more involved” parent as well on top of being a neat freak and just can’t be out of control of certain things. Anyways, I am increasingly finding myself anxious about going to work especially Sunday nights and sometimes the anxiety starts Saturday night. I have broken down and cried many times to just up and quit my job. All I want is some kind of flexibility from work sometimes honestly.
I don’t really call myself a very career driven person; I went through a semi depression time after losing a baby and didn’t work for 3 years (it also included my time off with and High risk pregnancy and being a stay at home parent for my daughter). Sometimes I really long to have that time back when I was laid back and more in control of things I cared for while I was a stay at home parent.

My job keeps me away from my home for about 11 hours daily, which I think is insane for an office job. Why can’t companies have some sort of flexible working hours??!!
Anyways I think I just want to talk to someone going through similar emotions. I am 40% sure of quitting my job at this point and pursuing something else that will be more flexible.

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Ashley

I’m a mother of two fantastic boy, I work 12 hr night shifts in a factory and get know time regroup myself. I also have a part time job with my husbands comoany so I work 6/7 days a wk, along with school functions, homework dinner etc etc. In the mean time my kids dad get to go out have a fun not pay child support yet call me a bad parent. I’m going insane literally my mind is always in constant over drive, my kids make me feel guilty for working my husband is beyound jealous it’s starting to take a toll on me mentally. I can’t get much help unless I’m at work then I pay my parents to keep my kids and they complain if I ask for my one night off just to be alone. I’m trying to make everyone happy but in the mean time I’m becoming extremely deporessed forcing a smile so know one ask what’s wrong. I have no friends and truly just go home and work . Guess I just needed to vent and get my feelings and hurt off my chest. Reading some of the other post gives me hope that one day it’ll become more manageable.

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Becky

I have a 2 year old and I work one day a week as an acupuncturist. My husband works long hours. I don’t feel burnout because I don’t work full time and I’m relaxed about my messy house. But I do feel an acute loss of identity as I used to have a busy successful career in accountancy and was also a singer in my spare time. Now I’m financially dependent on someone and I find that hard. I can’t go out as my husband is rarely home. I think it is most definitely about balance. The author could investigate working part time. Also pencilling in time every week to do something you want to do. A hobby, a class … Something for YOU that you cannot bail on. Having realistic expectations is so important. You cannot do it all and be a happy person. Life is long (hopefully); these phases are short. You can pick up your career later. This is how I try to view my situation. Having said all that I’m seriously doubting having another child. I just don’t think there’ll be any of me left.

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Maxwell Roland

I have being hearing about this blank ATM card for a while and i never really paid any interest to it because of my doubts. Until one day i discovered a hacking guy called morris . he is really good at what he is doing. Back to the point, I inquired about The Blank ATM Card. If it works or even Exist. They told me Yes and that its a card programmed for random money withdraws without being noticed and can also be used for free online purchases of any kind. This was shocking and i still had my doubts. Then i gave it a try and asked for the card and agreed to their terms and conditions. praying and hoping it was not a scam i used the blank CARD and it was successful i withdraw nor less than 10,000 dollar each every day the blank CARD worked like a magic and now i have become rich and famous in my society, if you want to order for the blank ATM CARD here is there email address (Unitymorrishackers1@gmail.com)

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shiree

hi i came across your blog looking for answers just last night my hubby argue with me telling me his house is not clean the way he wants it im a mother of 6 kids 23 year old 20 two 25 year old 8 year old and a 3 year old my husband have 3 kids from his previous relationship and me two and one together the 3 year old.I work Monday to Friday 7 to 5 get home cook see to the kids dishes washing i have no maid.what makes me angry my husband screaming swearing at me for house thats dirty while he come from work relax watch tv and get hot plate of meal while im up and down seeing to the kids and he still complains when i take leave from work coz im tired he hates it when i take leave asking why i take leave and for what just cant deal

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LDW

I’m a mother of two young boys, ages 5 and my oldest is 8 and has high functioning autism. I work full time and go to school full time. Their dad has been in and out of our lives for years now. He’s currently around and helping out but sometimes it seems like more work when he’s around. When he was gone we were on a great schedule and things were getting done. Now it’s like having another grown child to take care of but worse. I was able to stay home with my boys for four years although we made many sacrifices to make that happen I really loved being there for everything and making sure my children were being raised in the best way possible. I’ve been back to work for just over a year since I became a single parent because I had no other choice. I do more then the work of two parents and cannot even seem to find time to sleep, eat, or do any of the necessary things to take care of myself and remain healthy. I don’t even have time to be sick. I recently ended up being rushed to the ER because of complications of pneumonia and you know what the first thing I asked the dr before I was discharged? When can I go back to work. When I found out it was minimum of two days I was stressed. It’s not that I want to work. It’s that I have to. Sometimes I think about just quitting school for my own sanity but I feel like if I do I will never get out of this rat race. 🙁 Times are tough.

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Mac

I’m totally losing it I have a 2 year old and I’m 7 months pregnant I work full time at a pharmacy and I’m burnt out I been working since I was 13 and haven’t stopped and take a break. I’m constantly tired and I’m always broke trying to pay bills. That’s what I feel like I’m running on a wheel and never get any where.

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Sara

Hi, and thank you for sharing, you and everyone else on here who are struggling. I used to work part-time but just started working full-time. I am married to a man 30 years older who is just about to retire (we’re an unusual couple for sure…. together for 10 years and love is not concerned with numbers is what I have learnt 🙂 ) We have 2 children, 7 and 2 and a surprise 3rd on the way, due in the spring. Oh, and I also have a type 1 diabetes, a disease which in itself is a full time job….especially with being pregnant!). So, yes you get it…. I am exhausted. I am starting to suffer from anxiety, insomnia….(never had that before), and crying spells (some of which I attribute to raging pregnancy hormones!). I just, how much longer can I do this? Until baby is born?? Then what? I think for me, full-time work will be ruled out. which is such a tough decision since my husband really needs to start cutting down on work… We live far away from all our family so little to no support around too. I am sort of managing, but starting to freak out….

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marie

Im a mom and wife I have a 18 mo old daughter my husband is in school full time for 1 more year and works very part time. To pay the bills I work about 46 hrs a wk and I do all the housework dispite my constant pleas of help. Dispite all I do (which I do for my family) I dont get thanks I get complaints about how I work too much im never around or threats of divorce. I swear im about to loose it completely I rarely have fun or feel happy anymore and when im home early he is playing video games. I find my self putting on a front to EVERYONE and have no one I want to tell because I love my husband but breaking down sobbing once a week on my weekend while hubby is gone and daughter is sleeping really sucks.

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LeeAnn

Im not rushing but i am enjoying the surroundings. The only problem is I have to much time to sit and think and sometimes thoughts arent my friend, nothing hurtful to me or my son but i suffer from ptsd bipolar i have high anxiety and depression. I keep my self very busy so i dont go into the abyss and i havent slept good. The medicines that i was on were not good for me i would just pass out walking and i have tried several ones. My ex before this guy was ruthless to me he cracked my face from my top left eyebrow to the bottom right cheek and broke several other things. He messed me up pretty good and i have nerve damage had to have bilateral injections in my back. I can fully function i just dont have feeling in my fingertips and i hurt all the time. I dont like meds bc they cloud my whole being and who i am. I cannot function with them, i have controlled my issues for the better part and every once in a while i have bad days but i am an optimist and try my hardest to stay that way no matter what comes at me. i love my son and my life too much tohave it pass me by or to miss anything in it. I just gotta find me again and be the person i am and not who everyone has wanted me to be.

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Heather

Well hopefully on the mend to a new you, and maybe find some support groups close to home where you and your son can get out and do stuff enjoyable. Learning to be you and know yourself is a hard process. I know I am learning that everyday stepping out of my comfort zone and making friends again that I alienated during my marriage. It is fun and hard at the same time! Good Luck and I will always be a post away! Haha I love this site so many amazing women! We are strong and together we can move forward!

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