Why are we here?

by Katrina on March 8, 2010

“How do you do it all?”

I used to get that a lot. From other moms at my son’s preschool. From parents at the Y where my daughter took swim lessons. From coworkers at the web consulting agency where I managed a team of designers. From the editor at the publishing company that offered me a contract to write a design book. Even from my husband.

I was a 37-year-old mother of three* and somehow, my kids, my marriage, and my career were all thriving.

Then, one Saturday afternoon in the spring of 2009, while driving to Target to buy diapers, I broke down. Not my car. Me.

photo by Natasha Mileshina

I pulled over to the side of the road, my hands shaking, barely able to breathe. I called my husband and sobbed, “I can’t do this anymore.”

Thus ended my career, and thus began a journey into crippling depression, anxiety, and insomnia; medication, meditation, and therapy. As I learned to heal my body and my mind, I searched for answers to one question: What the hell happened to me?

At first, I thought there was something wrong with me. After all, I had a loving husband, a supportive boss, healthy kids, a good income. If I couldn’t manage a career and a family then how were other women doing it, women who didn’t have all those advantages?

I started talking to my friends, my relatives, my housekeeper, my doctor, my babysitter. I wanted to know how were they managing it. Guess what? They weren’t. They suffered from panic attacks and depression, heart palpitations and hives, migraines and mysterious coughs that won’t go away. Some of them took anti-depressants. Others took anti-anxiety medications. Most of them fantasized about quitting their jobs. They were barely getting by. I had no idea. Like me, they had been putting a brave face on their suffering. Like me, they all assumed there was something wrong with them.

There are dozens of self-help books telling women they can do it all—succeed in demanding careers and still be good parents, good partners, and even happy, fulfilled people. But my experience and that of the women I know tells a different story.

I decided to start this blog as a place where I could organize my thoughts and connect with others who are thinking deeply about this issue. And so, dear reader, we find ourselves here, on an auspicious day, International Women’s Day, at the beginning of what I hope will be a fruitful conversation about why raising kids in the U.S. is so ridiculously, head-achingly, heart-breakingly hard, and what we can do about it.

If you have a story about raising kids and working or watching other people do it, I want to hear about it. If you’re a researcher or a policy maker and care about this issue, let’s talk. If you have a wild or brilliant idea for how to make this better, I want to hear about that, too.

Leave your comment here, or email me privately at katrina@workingmomsbreak.com.

*NOTE: I have two kids of my own and a stepdaughter on the weekends. I never know if I should say I have two kids or three. I usually say three because there are three children I love and care for on a regular basis.

{ 28 comments… read them below or add one }

Nicole

I am a full time working mom I have a daughter who is 5 and another who is 1 and a baby boy on the way. I work 9am-7pm mon-Thursday which to a lot of people doesn’t seem too bad because I have an extra day off in the week. I wake up at 6 every morning get myself ready, and get the girls ready. My husband usually works 6 days a week and only has Monday off. He also had a to be in work at 6am so he cannot help with the mornings. My 5 year old goes to preschool mon, weds and fri so Monday I get the girls ready for school n the day leave the house around 8:15 and go to work by 9. I get home around 7:45 to a very very messy house. I’m pregnant and exhausted – my husband cooks dinner we eat extremely late at 8-8:30 I spend a little time with the girls and do baths they go to bed around 9. I go to bed around 10. Tuesday’s my kids go to my sister in laws house who lives about an hour away from me in morning traffic then I head to work .. weds n Thursday’s are not my worst days the girls got o my mother in laws who is about 15 mins from me .. weds my 5 year old has preschool so my mother in law takes her for me.. every day I get home about 7:45 and it’s dinner baths bed .. fridays finally that extra much needed day or is it!? Fri I take my daughter to school by 9 have to b back to pick her up by 12 usually get my errands/doctor qppts done on fri and since I don’t have time to do any cleaning during the week I get as much as I can done on Fridays .. my husband works all weekend so we don’t have a day off togather and we can’t do family activities togather. So weekends r usually filled with me doing something special with the girls and dragging them out to do my errands with me. Because I work so late and we have no time off togather my kids cannot do any activities/sports. My husband is great most of the time.. we are definitely a team and I know he feels guilty about it but unfortunately he doesn’t make enough $ for me to work less or stay home. We are barely getting by as it is and now I’m bringing a third child who I’m so thankful and excited for but wasn’t planned. I feel like I’m falling apart a little more each day and I’m not sure how I will do it with 3 kids under the age of 5! And inspiring words will help!!

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Ashley

Hi Nicole,

I’m not sure how old this post is but I can so relate to all that you stated above. I actually just got divorced though. I have a 2 year old, 4 year old and 7 year old. I got approved to go into work around 8:45 and get out at 5:15. We live an hour away sometimes it takes an hour and a half. I wake up at 5, get myself barely ready I always feel like I look a mess, get the kids ready, I always feel like I’m missing something, and then pack lunches, backpacks, water bottles and sippies. Drop two off at daycare and one at school and then get out of work go pick up everyone and by the time we get home it’s 7-7:30. I get everyone bathed and fed and do homework with my oldest and then it’s time for bed. My ex husband never really helped with the kids but now that we are separated (it’s been a month) he wants to work things out but I just feel exhausted and have no energy for a relationship. I don’t want one more thing to have to make happy or take care of. I know how that probably sounds. Anyways, if I were you try to make one day where you don’t have anything planned out of the three that you spend with your family or kids. Maybe that would help. I just feel like I’m running through the notions of taking care of everything but everything is falling apart. I don’t feel like a person anymore. I have gained so much weight. I have no time to myself and if I ever do I use it to clean or run errands.

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Anna

Slowly going mad here too. I’m on holidays for 5 more days….and today is the first day I have no kids with me 3 5 and 8 they are. My life is chaos most of the time. Yesterday my kids were naughty all day and I lost it tho morning…thought I was having a breakdown. I’m feeling better now. We are all sooo busy and tired,its hard, but its how it is. I cant change my life, because of work and kids. I’m a pretty terrible mother, ordinary wife and not perfect at my job either. I generally feel like a failure at everything. I know how you all feel, I do actually like my life anymore, its just all work. Even on dad off I’m catching up on housework, shopping, doing stuff for kids or exhausted. Really, I dont think modern lifestyles are how we are meant to be, but we are stuck now.

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Lola

Hi, I am 28 years old & the Mother to 3 beautiful Children. I work Mon – Fri 8AM – 5PM and get weekends off. My husband works at the same company as me although he has different hours since he is the Manager, when I say different I mean we work at a materials testing lab for construction and his hours can be 8 -5 also or some days 3 AM – 5PM or even as early as midnight starting and finishing. He works long hours sometimes so at home I take on majority of the work load & deal with most of the kids routines. My kids are 11(son) 4(daughter) & 3(daughter) Here is our daily routine;
5:30 am – I wake up and start getting EVERYONE’S clothes ready for the day.
6 – 6:30 am – Start getting my children up and dressed.
7:10 am(No later) – My husband takes off to the small town 8 miles from us to take my 11 & 4 year olds to school & my 3 year old to my Aunt’s house since she watches her and the other after school which is why we had them transfer to a different district.
7:30 am – Husband picks me up and we make our 30 miles into Lubbock, TX where we work to be there by 8 assuming he didn’t have an early job in which case I would have taken the kids.
8 – 5 – WORK WORK WORK
5:45 – 6 – Pick up kids
So we get home about 6:30 – 7 pm everyday Then I start dinner sometimes my husband will, start laundry & try to chill a bit! So then I try to cram spending time with my kids, eating, getting them into the shower all before 8:30 pm for the little ones and 10 for my oldest. By then I am freaking tired I forget to finish laundry, stuff doesn’t get put up & cleaned then the next day everything is worse! I am also beginning to get anxiety attacks. The other day I had one so bad it felt like my hands were trying to close up and it was hard to open them! I feel like I am falling behind on things at home and sometimes at work, missing out on school related functions withy my kids and just time in general with them. My house has gotten so out of order I just want to throw the whole thing away and start over!!! Sometimes I get mad at my husband because he does so little until I point it out, then I feel guilty because he works so much overtime for us! He does help when I ask. I just feel like nobody sees all I do and they don’t appreciate it, or they only notice if things DON’T get done. Above all I am tired, too tired to think half of the time. Tired of being overwhelmed, tired of being tired lol! I am only 28 and my back aches I have Diverticulitis now?!?!?! Panic attacks that have sent me to the ER, I have horrible eating habits that have caused kidney stones (Which HURT)(Poor guys). I just want to find a way to balance things, I am still looking for the time to eat healthy and work out I just have no energy! I love my life, my kids, & my husband! I just need to find the balance!!!!!! Or more hours in the day!

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Jade

Hi I am 27 and I work full time I even work on a Saturday but I do stilly hours so I might not work as long as my husband but I don’t drive and I have to do a lot of traveling hours,I am literally at breaking point I just cry everything I come home and see the mess in which I cleaned before I left,and everything I asked my husband to do something I find him chilling on the bed,we have 2 children one who is 2 and the other 6, I hardly get to see them and when I do I’m cleaning and sorting washing out homework etc, my husband does help with breaking me up from work when I work late but everything we have a argument who uses that against me,I just don’t know what to do I’m sooo stressed,stressed with work and home life I just feel like walking away but my kids keep me there me and husband have started arguing a bit and that’s not helping

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Monica

I am a 23 year old mother of a 3 year old and married to my husband for just over a year and a manager at a clothing store full time. I work 8:45-6pm 5 days a week from Tuesday till Saturday. I am up from 7:00am every morning to get myself up and my daughter. My husband also works full time as a sales representative from Monday to Friday 9-4. I have to get to work before the store opens so on top of getting myself ready my daughter as well to be fed dressed and ready for day care which my husband takes her to 3 days a week. I don’t have a supportive boss who is very demanding and makes my work harder every day and there is never a excuse allowed for anything that goes wrong. By the time I’m home around 6pm my husband gets home around 5 sometimes 5:30pm. We both allow a small period to acknowledge one another than straight to our daughter when we’re not too exhausted. We have also many pets to feed when we get home I have washing and dinner to cook. We don’t eat till 8 than not long after my daughter is off to bed. I have a good 2 hours a day if I’m lucky with her. Even on my days off I have work to do to prepare for my weeks when I return. The point of me getting this job and promotion was to benefit us as a family and it’s not like the money has made a huge difference . We can live comfortably but still have a million bills and rent and just really getting by. My daughter is also starting to have worser tantrums and I feel it’s because she’s missing out on me and her dad. But I can’t leave this job but at the same time it’s taking everything out of me body and soul. I’d pick her over work in a second if I was asked but I want her to have a stable life and be able to say yes to things she needs down the line that we can afford. I was so young when I had her and I have had to grow up so quickly and it’s alot to be honest I am crumbling and breaking down each day. I can’t feel like a good mother Because of work and I can’t feel like a good manager because of the worries with my daughter. I’m in limbo and have got no help to get myself out of it.

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KSD

Am 34 years old with a 6 and 7 year boy and girl.
I work 3 days a week and my husband 5 days a week. So after reading all the replies I know am very lucky to have weekends with my family and two days in the week.

Seems perfect I know. But I may as well have 3 children because my husband does not help with anything.

I wouldn’t complain with my schedule if I was 100% with my health but am not. I recently finished cancer treatment and I don’t have all the energy of 34 year old.

I sit down and write plan after plan of how am going to better manage my time but it never goes to plan.

Monday to Wednesday I get home at 6. Morning routine is all up to me since he leaves at 7am.

And after work I get them from childminder then I bath, feed and read with them. As well as prepare dinner for my husband and then prep his lunch and our clothes for next day.

My days off consist of Thursday hospital appointments. Friday cleaning before I know it it’s time to get the kids then it’s non stop untill they sleep.

Weekends I feel guilty having the kids stuck in the house because I have so much to catch up with launders, cleaning, food shopping.

I hate that my kids see annoyed, tired “leave me alone” mummy 80% of the time.

And my husband gets to sit back and go on his phone and plan his day as he pleases.

I’ve tried to get him to help me but it always turns into, “what exactly do you need help with?” “The problem with you is you don’t manage your time well”

When looking a the bigger picture I can see why he thinks with working part time I should have my shot together but the point is am tired and on top of that it’s not fair that am not a single mum yet I feel like I am!

I know what I need to do:
1. Communicate without fear to my husband
2. Do laundery everyday so it doesn’t pile up
3. Designate homework to my husband
4. Meal plan
5. Choose a day where I have guilt free rest

Am so proud of all you mums. You are doing great.

Let’s keep pushing and prioritise.

Our kids love us regardless.

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Nicky

God bless you. I hope your cancer treatments are going well and you are feeling like you have a bit more energy(?). You truly are doing the best you can xx that’s all you can do, and don’t worry , your kids love you for it!!! Stay strong mama xx 💋

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Christine

I know this article is old, but I just cannot help replying as I can relate to every sentence you wrote here. I am a mom of two twin girls almost 3 yr old. I love my kids, but I just feel like everyday is jam-packed with non-stop work.

I get up at 6:30am in the morning, getting kids lunch ready for school

Wake up kids at 7:30am, dress them up and brush their teeth, etc.

Rush downstairs to cook breakfast for the whole family at 8am and try to wake up my husband. Supervise kids having their breakfast

Get the kids dressed up with winter jackets and snow pants at 8:45am before my husband slowly come down and take kids to daycare.

Wash dishes, clean up the mess and quickly swallow some food before heading out to work at 9am.

9:30am-4:30pm work

5pm Pick up kids from daycare,

6pm-7:30pm cook dinner, feed kids dinner

8pm quickly stuff some food in my stomach while doing more dish washing and cleaning up the mess at the same time. Kids are usually playing with my husband.

8:30pm start the laundry, take kids upstairs, bath them and get the kids to bed. I know I’m suppose to get the laundry out, clean the house and get myself ready for bed after the kids fall asleep, but half of the time I was so exhausted by then I just fall asleep with the kids. Then around 2am I woke up suddenly realized that I still need to at least finish the laundry, so I get up and do more house chores while the whole house fall nicely into sweet dreams.

Just like your husband, when I ask mine to help, he will slowly get up and do it with some comments on the same lines as your husband’s “You need to tell me exactly what you want me to do. I cannot read your mind”, “Your problem is you are doing things in the right way and you are not doing it efficiently”, “you complain too much”. I sometimes just want to fire back at him that all he does is doing dishes sometimes, usually leaving a huge mess on the countertop. While he is happily sitting in the couch relaxing and playing with the kids, I am running around the house like a mad rat trying to finish all the house chores as fast as possible so that I can get the kids to bed. I would love to chill out and spending some quality time with my kids too after coming back from work just like him, but the housechores are not going to finish on their own (not like those magical brooms in the “Beauty and the Beast”).

So everyday I just end up feeling like I am in the rush trying to complete a mountain of tasks, not spending enough time with my kids.

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Anita

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Susan

Yea I agree everyone struggles but no one likes to show that they do..seems like it’s a sign of weakness to call a day off when you know you are going down or ask for help .A Mother’s and wife’s role is more demanding.. but no one values it . Women need to understand that it’s ok and women need to support each other. Change begins there.

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Maria Perez

Thank you for making me believe i am not the only one who thinks like this<3

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Marissa

I am also a mother of 3 amazing children. They are 6,4 and 1. I am just recently feeling the breakdown point! I actually had one today. Completely overwhelmed with everything.
I work 40 hours a week. My husband the same. In the morning he is already gone for work before I even wake up. I get up at 6:00, get everyone’s stuff ready for school and myself.
I am a director of a daycare, so 2 of the 3 kids come with me. Lots of pros and cons to that.
I work until 5:30, my husband gets my oldest off the bus. By the time I get home we have dinner, clean up, shower and go to bed. Sports usually happen every night somewhere between all of that too.
The the weekend, is jammed packed with soccer hockey and baseball. I literally have zero time.
My shoes from work don’t come off until 10:00 at night. I’m having a tough time keeping it all together, making fun time with my kids. I feel like I’m always yelling at them to get ready for something, and we just don’t have time to just play! The same with my husband, we don’t have time to even have a conversation anymore, someone always needs something. It’s insane! I need some advice please!!

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Elizabeth

Hi Ladies. I completely relate to the exhaustion and to at times yelling at the kids. I have 3 boys and I am currently pregnant working full time while juggling baseball practice, hosting small group every other week. I would love to work out but I am too tired. The other day, I mistakenly thought that I had my wallet under my arm but I had a banana. I made it to my Dr. appointment only to find out it’s next Thursday. Ughh. I am loosing my mind. However. I have find hope in knowing that God is in control. Here is an article that it really reasonated with me.
https://www.thegospelcoalition.org/article/hope-moms-dont-need/

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cathy thomas

Omg…you just described who I am at the moment. I, too am maxed out. I quit my job and took a time out.i felt much better,less panicked attacks,still depressed and less money but my sanity is back.Thanks for being brave enough for writing about this roller coaster life of ours.

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KeiKei

I too am going bonkers. I am a working mother of two boys 10 and 7. I work at a super demanding job and I am the primary bread winner. We bought a home a year ago and I pay all the bills (my husband works retail making peanuts and is not necessarily financially responsible – that is a whole other topic). I am constantly stressed out, I work an hour away from home and I am just literally losing it. Between juggling the bills, trying to manage the boys, keep the house clean, it is literally too much. My husband while I live him is not an awesome support system. Every time I say I am tired, he says me too. But my question is tired of what?? Because when he is home, he is sleeping or playing games on his phone. He doesn’t do things with the kids, he doesn’t help clean, he doesn’t cook….you get the picture. He does pickup from aftercare and gets homework started. I guess I should be grateful for that. But the stress is terrible – I want to cut back at work, but I can’t because I have so many expenses to cover. I need help, I need support and I don’t know what to do.

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Serpil

Hi Keikei
I know exactly what you’re going through as I was there two years ago and completely turned my life around. First you just need to stop. Just stop! You sound extremely stressed and tense. That’s only going to make you feel worse. Even if your house is a rubbish dump right now, what you need to do tonight is just take one hour of me time for yourself. Forget about the kids, ask your husband to put them to bed for you or help you put them to bed. Once they’re asleep fill up the bath tub, light a scented candle and have a nice bath. Be present during your bath. Feel the warm water healing all your muscles on your tired body. Embrace the calm moment and shoo away any thoughts of things that need to get done. Just enjoy the moment you’re in. Remember that before you take care of anyone else you need to care for yourself first. If everything else is getting done but you are frazzled, your hair is a mess, you haven’t washed your clothes, your nails aren’t done then you’re not going to be happy. You will cope better when you are in order first. If you do this trust me your husband will pay more attention to you and help out more around the house and with the kids. Never nag him. He’ll appreciate that you’re taking care of yourself first, trust me that’s what he wants more than his house being cleaned by an angry stressed woman.
Take care of yourself and take everything one at a time…

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Starr Marines

Hey all i too am going mad. Im stressed im 8 months pregnant with my second baby but this will be 4 all together 10,7,4 and one in the bun. We have his 2 full time because the mom stepped out and ditched them. May i say we get no help at all. We dont get weekend breaks no baby sitters no one to lean on when it comes to a little helping hand. My husband stays home and does the mechanic car and car parts trade thing. Im a full time preschool teacher mom-frid 645 to 330. On my lunch break i come home tidy up the house a little and back to work i go than when i get off i come home clean some more make dinner get my kids ready for bed after some tv time and than have my self to shower and try to wind down. I get stressed out because why am i the only one that bothers to clean or pick up the broom to sweep the obvious crumbs and dirt on the floor or go to recycle all the plastic and cardboard instead of leaving it in a pile by the fridge. Taking out the trash or dumping the bathroom clothes basket amd starting a load of laundry. It just seems like hes always glued to his phone. Like tonight idk about yall but i hate walking in crumbs so i started sweeping while trying to make dinner. You think he offered or took the broom from me … Nope he got up and went down stairs. Than as i was gathering clothes from our bedroom he than askes if i needed help like for reals? No its ok im already doing it all. Did the laundry in the dryer get folded … No and guess who started a load of laundry… Yup ding ding me. I feel alone when it comes to getting any help. On top of it all im the only one that will read or work with our 4 yr old on letters and numbers shapes etc … His excuse is he cant focus to help her. Im just here to vent obviously i cant leave him. But my question how the hell do you do it without losing your shit from time to time.

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Jaynique Stramis

Hi everyone .. my name is Jaynique and im all the way from Namibia !! Im a 29 years old a wife to a fisherman hoe is almost never home and a mother to a 12 year old 7 year old and a 6year old all girls .. i work everyday from 7H30 to 5H00 and saterdays till 1 omg i never new there could possibly be ather woman struggling similar to me 🙈 i sometime have to drag myself just to get things done at home and the mornings !! Dont get me started on the morning in my house its soo crazy im consistently a mess especially on Mondays i came to the conclusion i just hate mondays 🙈 my husband doesn’t help at all i feel so alone in this peranting thing and yet he is the tape of person no matter what i do in hes eyes i just cant do anything write .. its so stressful the constant pressure for perfection .. and the pressure is sometimes to mutch for me i have horrible head eaces and time and time have to tell myself to get up and just go to work get through this day and tomorrow we just start again 😭 i sometimes just cry in the bathtub were i am alone and when im done there i somehow feel a little better ❤ i feel that a am one strong chick and a kick ass momma 💪 you have know idea hoe ur dealing with and so are all of you i mean hell if we were not we wouldn’t have lived to tell our stories… WE ALL KICK ASS

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Catherine

Thank you so much for posting this. I have 3 children as well and feel the same way! I have an MBA with an Accounting focus, a great, albeit demanding job, a wonderful boss, a clear path of upward mobility in my current position and a loving husband. I have a moderate degree of financial flexibility. Not well to do by any means but not struggling like I used to struggle. Yet I feel so overwhelmed in both the home realm and the work realm. I have too many people depending upon me and I’m beginning to crack under the pressure. My boss, is also a career woman with 3 kids of her own. I don’t know how she does it all. I know she has prescriptions to help her manage the stress. I don’t judge her for that. She’s a remarkable, brilliant woman. But I don’t want to become that. Honestly, I do get the palpitations. Work requires me to stay focused all day and occasionally stay a little late or work a little on the weekends. Then I look at these Moms who work part time in positions that are less demanding and don’t really require professional degrees and I am envious of them! I want to have the mind space to think about baking a birthday cake for my child like they have. I want to set fun little goals like that and have the energy and time to achieve them. I don’t get home until 6-6:30 each day, and by that time I’m pushing myself to have the stamina to get a quick jog in before prepping for the next day. I’m not living. This is the whiniest thing I’ve ever written. I’m sorry to complain about my first world problems. I truly am. But I also know I’m not happy. So thank you for being a voice for us.

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Lili

I am 26 years old . I am a mother of two boy&girl . A full time employee as an assistant property manager and a wife to my husband . My husband usually work night shifts . So I have to get the kids ready for school before I go to work Monday-Friday . And he helps if he doesn’t fall asleep or is too tired to pick them up . Then I will. I do the laundry almost everyday. I pick up the house same mess everyday . We have a dog that I wished we didn’t have not because I don’t like animals but it’s just another thing to worry about . Another thing to clean and take care off. I feel like a housekeeper leaving with brats because my husband is another child . Once the kids are showered I try to put them to sleep early . So I can have time to prepare there cloth for the next day and if am not too tired try to study for a class am taking online. I feel overwhelmed all the time . I feel like everything depend on me ,homework ,volunteer hours for my kids school and everything you name it I do it. My husband does the groceries twice a month so that is something I don’t have to worry about. I feel like I have to be 100% focused at my job and the amount of energy that it takes away from me that when I get home all I want to do is go to sleep. If I could leave my job in a blink of an eye I’ll do it to spend more time with my kids . I wish they were able to do soccer or ballet . But I get off work at 6 and with the traffic it gives us no time to do anything extra then coming home to eat ,shower and sleep. I mainly take care of anything with the house asking my husband to do anything is like pulling teeth. If a wall needs paint I’ll finish doing it or if I have to screw something on to the wall I’ll do it . I understand he works a lot long shifts . But I feel like my shift never ends. It’s exhausting keeping it together all the time .

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Andrea

I know this is an old post, but reading these comments helps me to know that I’m not the only one. I am a mother of a 9 and 11 year old. I work full time shift work (lately extra hours as well…some weeks 60 hour work weeks), 12 hour shifts and at odd hours of the day. When I come home from work at 6 am, I get the kids ready for school, drive them to school, go home and sleep for a couple hours before getting up and bringing one of the kids to their sports (one of them is only in school part time to allow for training, they are both high level athletes in multiple sports). I then go home, try and sleep for another couple hours, pick the other one up from school, then bring the other one to their activities. I make meals then head back to work that night for another 12 hours. Some weeks this is 4 days, others this is 5 days. My husband works all the time and when he’s not at work, he’s on his phone for work and basically doesn’t seem engaged (I’m sure he is, I just don’t see it right now in my state of exhaustion). We work opposite schedules and don’t ever get to spend time together. When he is home with them, the kids will call me at work first to ask for homework help or tell me about a problem that they are having or to tell me about their days. I love that they want to share with me, there just never seems to be an “off shift” time. I am so exhausted and on my days off it’s a catch up of cleaning, more driving, cooking, baking, daily planning. Etc. I feel like I’m always snapping at the kids and feel so guilty about it. I don’t feel like I take any time for myself and have lost myself in being a working mom. My diet is terrible, exercise is basically non existent right now. I have no time to enjoy my life. With the holidays coming, this pressure of having the perfect christmas feels so overwhelming. I am trying to make changes, I know that I need to, but this routine is a hard one to break and leaving my job is not an option.
I try to be there for all of my kids events, milestones and just every day life but some days I feel like I’m barely keeping it all together and am not happy with how it is. I understand how you all feel, being a mom is exhausting.

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Lindsey

I know this is an older post, but reading it really helped me. I thought I was managing everything (my job, my marriage, my daughter, running my household) and then one day I had a panic attack in a grocery store parking lot. I thought I was having a heart attack, but it turns out the stress caught up to me. I have since gotten help, but I struggle every day with feeling overwhelmed and lacking motivation. It’s just hard, but reading other people’s stories who have gone through it really helps.

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Ashley

I am currently on a leave from work. I had my daughter in jan and i am a first time mom. I am loving about 95% of it to be honest. The fussy days not so much lol. I grew up around babies and was around my sister for each of her kids so i had quite a bit of experience. My husband and i don’t have good credit so we’re in a pricey place that we can barely afford and we have to work opposite shifts because we can’t afford daycare. I am completely burnt out after 2 days of work, i work 4am-1pm shift and my husband works 2-11pm, we only have 1 car so only getting to sleep when my daughter sleeps i am going into work on usually 2-3 hours of sleep. This is the second leave i have had to take from work and i am due to go back soon but i absolutely hate my job and do not want to go back but financially we cannot afford for me to stay home so i am at a loss because i know in another 1-2 weeks i will just be burnt out again

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Roxanne

I hear you all… I’m at my absolute breaking point. Work made me increase my hours- so it’s up at 5am to start our days. Dragging my poor infant daughter out of bed before she’s ready to wake up so I can get her ready and drag her to care. Then fly off to work to start at 7:30am. Hit the ground running. Make a million mistakes because the last time I got a full nights sleep was a Millenia ago. Everyone constantly telling me what a sh*t job I’m doing because of all the mistakes in my highly specialised, demanding clinical role. Told im impacting workplace productivity too much because I asked for flexible work arrangements so back to full time. Have 1 million coffees to fake functioning. Rush to get the work done so I can leave on time. Fly through traffic. Get home, start the evening shift. Meals, baths, cleaning. More criticism about everything I’m not doing right in the home from everyone, how I could try to be better, more perfect. Cry myself to sleep every other night. Toss and turn until dawn comes and start my hell again. I love my daughter, I love being a mother but I’ve come to hate feminists who said we could “do it all”. We can’t. This sucks and I’m about to lose my chops. And then everyone can blame me again for not doing better.

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