Most jobs aren’t made for people who have children. Which is one of the reasons a lot of moms and dads start their own businesses. Lately several blog readers have been asking for advice or stories about this. So I asked Heather Sobieralski to write a guest post about why she decided to start her own business.
Heather has two kids, is a life coach for moms, and also works part time as a middle school counselor. You can read more about her coaching services at My Mama Mojo, or about her own journey of motherhood on her blog.
Why did you decide to start your own business?
It’s something I was called to do.
When I first became a mother, life I as knew it changed. I felt as though everything I had previously known from my pre-child self was gone. My confidence disappeared. I had no I idea who this woman was occupying my body. I was embarrassed and ashamed that I was not enjoying motherhood. I was supposed to be happy right?
I tried on numerous occasions to have “real” conversations with other mothers, but they seemed to be nothing but sunshine and roses. If they admitted the least bit of self-doubt or discomfort they would always wrap up with, “Isn’t all worth it?” Well no, actually. Some days I rather miss my old life thank you very much!
I craved someone to talk to, someone who wouldn’t judge me or tell me what to do. This is how My Mama Mojo was born.
My original idea was to create a business where mothers could seek support on the phone and via email from a professional. At that point, I had never heard of a life coach. I already had a master’s degree in counseling, but that didn’t seem to be what I wanted to do. I wanted to specialize in helping moms re-claim their identity. I wanted to support them to figure out how to make their post-child life full of joy and MOJO! I wanted to do this via the phone and email so moms could get support while their child took a nap, on their lunch break or when the house was quiet at night.
I remember when I had my moment of clarity about what I wanted to do. It was if everything I had been through suddenly made sense to me. My personal hell was for a purpose. Within a few days I had enrolled in a coaching program and had a business plan.
It is now almost a year later, about $5,000 invested and many arguments with my husband about how much time and energy I was putting into this “idea.” But I love it! Every time a woman finds me and breathes a sigh a relief that she is not the only one and will feel better, it is all worth it.
What are the most common themes you hear from your clients?
Every client is different. I have had mothers of newborns and mothers of teens, but there are consistent themes.
- How becoming a mother has impacted and continues to impact their career and lack of “choices.”
- Inequities in parenting compared to their partner.
- Guilt, guilt and more guilt! Guilt for working, guilt for staying home, guilt for not enjoying being home, guilt for breastfeeding difficulties, guilt for yelling at their kids, guilt for failed relationships, guilt for being stressed, and guilt for feeling so damn guilty!
- Loss of identity.
- Self-neglect and exhaustion.
- Feeling like they are the only one who feels like this.
How have your clients solved this whole work/life dilemma in their own lives?
At the beginning of coaching I take clients through activities to identify their core values. The rest of our work together is based around what they value as important. Often after becoming a mother our values either get “lost” or change. It is amazing when women make the connection between why they have been so overwhelmed and unfulfilled. If you are living out of alignment with you values, you are not living an authentic life.
Clients have solved the work/life balance by:
- Committing to the coaching process, carving time and space to work on self-development
- Taking a good look at what is working and what is not
- Giving up comparing themselves to others who are “doing it better”
- Ditching the guilt, getting rid of the “shoulds,” and taking a look at what is really important (identifying core values)
- Trusting their decisions and new direction
Do you have any advice for women who want to start their own business?
If you are being called to do something in particular, listen!
I am just going to lay it out there…it is a lot of work, time and love to start a business. You need to be highly driven and self-motivated.
Create realistic short- and long-term goals, but be kind to yourself and allow your master plan to be fluid. If you need the security of money while building your business, hang on to your job (even part time) if you can. It takes a year or two to build a business—and this means no income coming in!
Count on your “doubt loop” coming to visit from time to time. Tell it to go away and stay focused on your vision.
Stay light and keep it fun. View it as a journey, not as a checklist.
Hire a coach! I never could have gotten my business off the ground without my own coach. It is amazing what a difference having someone to hold you accountable makes in any new endeavor.
Do you have a story or advice about starting (or NOT starting) your own business? Leave a comment here, or email me: katrina@workingmomsbreak.com.
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Thanks for this story. It’s great to hear how other moms manage to combine motherhood and career (and help other moms while at it!). I totally agree about a coach. I hired one when I last looked for a job, and it was very helpful and very much worth it.