Do you hear that sound? Like the wind through the trees? It’s the sound of a million parents, all across America, sighing with relief. Our children are going back to school today!
All in all, we had a great two weeks off. Luckily, neither Brian nor I had to work. We went to the zoo, the aquarium, and the park. The kids’ rode their new scooters to the bakery and everyone got cookies. We read books to each other. We hosted a sleepover party where all the guests’ names were Lila(h), which brought on a lot of good-natured confusion.
“Hey Lila?”
“What?”
“No, the other Lila…”
We did a lot of cooking, and a few times I convinced the girls to help. Inspired by the show “iCarly,” Brian made spaghetti tacos for dinner. I learned how to make cheese puffs from an Alice Waters recipe—tiny golden-brown puffs of buttery goodness. Everyone loved them except Ruby, who was expecting something closer to Cheetohs. You know, something loaded with preservatives that would leave orange sticky residue on her fingers.
Ruby: “Those aren’t real cheese puffs!”
Me: “Honey, they’re the original cheese puffs!”
Martha: “Maybe you need to rename them.”
Me: “How about cheese clouds? Cheese nuggets?”
Ruby: “Too late.”
When it rained, we watched movies: Batman, The Incredibles, and we went to the theater to see Tangled. When we ran out of animated movies, we advanced to Elvis and Charlie Chaplin movies.
Now that the kids are getting older (current ages: 3, 7, and 10) they can play together peacefully for longer intervals. They made forts and lego castles and disappeared in their rooms for an hour at a time. But eventually Jake would try to steal Ruby’s marbles (it makes her so crazy!), or he would refuse to pretend to be her cat, or the rough housing would get too boisterous, and we would have to distract everyone with an art activity or a board game.
We played Trouble until we were bored and moved on to Sorry. We played that game until we truly were sorry; it’s the same mind-numbing game as Trouble but instead of popping the dice you pick a card. We moved on to Scrabble for more challenge. Boys against girls. The boys won but the girls gave them a run for their money with words like “ariels.”
I always have mixed feelings about these long breaks with the kids. We did have a lot of fun, I feel grateful for this time, but by Saturday, I felt like a scullery maid and Brian felt like whatever the male equivalent is of a scullery maid. Some combination of a waiter/butler/chauffeur/bouncer/court jester. We love these kids. We can’t wait to get them off our hands.
Are we just trying too hard?
Studies show that the time parents spend with their children today (both moms and dads) has “risen dramatically” compared with parents in the mid-1990s. Working parents worry that we’re still not spending enough time with our kids. But in one study by Ellen Gallinsky, when children were asked what their one wish would be for their parents, it wasn’t more time together. Instead, they wanted their parents to be “less tired and less stressed.”
How about you? Do you feel like you get the right amount of time with your kids? How was your winter break?
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{ 11 comments… read them below or add one }
We had a good winter break. I worked on the non holiday days so the kids got sent off to day camps and that probably kept me from going crazy. But there were 2 long weekends of everyone together and we had a good time with outings and games, similar to yours.
I was definitely less tired and stressed. I attribute this to the 3 yr old not napping and therefore going to bed early. Plus, no lunches to make at night and we could be more lax in getting everything done the night before so that the morning routine would be manageable.
Now its back to the grindstone though… Luckily I don’t work on Mondays so I get one more day to prepare myself for it.
Great blog! My kids and I had some great play / snuggle time in Yosemite but vacationing as a single mom with a 3 and 8 yr old isn’t always relaxing. My 3 yr old had a double ear infection and was not a happy camper so that explains a lot. Still, there have been other vacations that I have looked forward to for months that have turned out to be more stressful than I had pictured. Sometimes it is the travelling (packing, carrying luggage onto planes / trains), and sleeping often doesn’t work as well when I’m sharing a room with a snorer and a teeth grinder, but mostly I think it is the lack of a break. I would be curious to hear from other families what makes for a good vacation with little ones. I am happy to have had extra time with the kiddos but am relieved to be back at work and back in our routine.
I completely resonate. Despite a blizzard that stranded us in boston an extra week, and a night in the emergency room, we had a great 2 weeks off (snow cones, snow men, sledding, puzzles and thank god for downloadable amazon movies). AND i was thrilled to send them all off to school today, and have a day to myself before going back to work. New Years Resolution: when taking vacation, take a day off BEFORE and AFTER vacation, to prep for and then de-stress from, vacation. Inevitably, i’m the one to pack & un-pack, and when i did this over thanksgiving it helped a lot – forgot to give myself the day off b/f vacation this time and it was insane to get out the door. Thanks for the movie ideas!
Katrina, I value your blog and your voice so much. Thank you for all the things you have come out and said.
That said, I am stymied this morning. The kids are back in school. In fact, I have to go pick one up soon. I am so reluctant to re-enter our day-to-day routine. On Christmas night this go-around, I had a breakdown, and have spent the entire time since doing nothing but reading my kindle and ignoring the house and the world around me. Its been bliss, and I feel like I’m actually healing. What I saw during that time is that the kids don’t need constant entertaining. They find their own things to do, and the things they choose are not as toxic as I think. The nine-year-old even called up a friend and asked if he could go visit. Walked there and walked home, no effort on the part of the parental units whatsoever.
Now I am heading toward back to get-your-homework-done-hang-up-your-jacket-don’t-hit-your-brother-eat-your-dinner-time-for-bed land. Don’t wanna! Its not the school I mind them going back to, its the routine that surrounds it. I’m afraid that I’m going to go back to my fraught with anxiety self, feeling like there’s so much that needs to get done and no one to remember to do it except for me. I loved having nothing to do, no scheduled commitments for 2 weeks. I just hope karate doesn’t start up again today, I think homework is all I can bear. And that, just barely.
So sorry to hear about your Xmas breakdown. Sounds like it was oddly restful, and I’m so glad for you. Now the trick is figuring out how to slow down when you’re not in total collapse…
We had a great 11 days at home. It was nothing like the kid-free vacations of my 20s, but also a nice escape from the daily routine. About 5 days in my big kid was asking plaintively each morning to go to preschool, and we were all happy to return to “normal life” this morning. It is a lot more draining to travel during the holidays, so perhaps this will be a new tradition for us.
Had a lot of vacation days untaken that I had to get in, so thoroughly enjoyed the time off with the family.
I agree with you. I don’t know how many times my husband and I look at each other. Our parents never spent the time with us that we spend with our kids. The only homework help I recall getting from my mother was the weekly spelling word test review. That was it. We do try too hard–I believe it’s to make up for the lost time.
As for the Ellen Gallinsky study–did the kids want us to less tired so that we could drive them around more. 🙂
After the busyness of Christmas we decided to just relax and enjoy the rest of our time together being lazy. It was much better than previous breaks but we were still glad to see the kids back in school today. I’m hoping to stall the anxiety that creeps in with the unending monotony of the day-to-day routine — scheduling some quiet moments for just me into the next few months.
great blog! we had a “staycation” and although my oldest (6) went to gymnastics camp for a few days, i felt that i had plenty of time with the kids. funny though, when i went to work – i did have that sigh, of getting some of “my” time back. AND so many women in the office today said the same thing! We love the time (and wow did I really need the break from work) BUT I was so ready to go back today (wish i could say the same of my 6 year old who would much MUCH rather go to gymnastics vs school!)
there is something to say though for those long, drawn out, non structured days…. there’s a real beauty in that kind of space
The break was good, but my return to work has been an unfocused disaster. Am I really so stressed out like this all the time?
As for the right amount of time with my little guy, he’s in preschool three days each week. I would rather he were at school two days each week and with me for three weekdays. But I work late too many nights as it is, alas.
Happy new year, Katrina!
Thanks everyone for the vacation insights. Sounds like the “staycations” were just what the doctor ordered. If anyone has other tips to share on how to make family vacations more manageable, leave them in your comments here and I’ll combine them into a separate blog post.