My last full time job was leading a team of designers for a web agency. I used to hire a lot of freelancers when we had more work than our staff could handle. Some of these freelancers were moms who limited their hours so they could pick their kids up from daycare. They were exceptionally good, so it was usually no problem to work around their part time schedules. (Have you noticed working moms tend to have above average productivity and communication skills?)
I idolized these women’s lives. They looked healthier, more relaxed than the rest of us. There was something almost European about the way they lived. They rode their bikes to the office, came and went as they pleased, and blocked off whole mornings to help out at their kids’ schools, or go to pilates classes. (!)
Once, I had a dream that one of my freelancers told me I could make a million dollars a year if I would only quit my job and work part time like she did.
Part of that dream came true. I finally did quit (after contracting a bad case of vital exhaustion/spiritual awakening/Americanitis), and now I freelance part time. I do not make a million dollars a year. Or anywhere close. But working part time has given me my sanity back.
I’m lucky. The U.S. has the highest percentage of full time working women of any country in the world, and a recent Pew Research Center poll found 60% of full-time working moms would prefer to work part time, but can’t.
And yet…part time has its downsides.
This is an email I received recently from a blog reader (whom I’ve never met, but she happens to be my husband’s cousin).
From Linda:
I thought I’d write you as I am now getting some insight into an “ideal” work schedule. I can’t believe I’m bitching about working part time—but I have so many friends who are sure that it’s the answer to their dreams—a way to “have it all,” and I am sadly becoming certain that it just ain’t so.
Last year we found out that our then four year old is autistic. We had known that K was “delayed” and “special,” but until then we didn’t have anything to wrap that around.
At the time of K’s diagnosis, I was six months pregnant and exhausted. I had been working in corporate America for almost 20 years and was a successful Marketing Director at a major multinational corporation.
Full time work—50+ hours/week, 1 hour each way commuting. I was burning the candle at both ends. So, I sat down at my computer one night after everyone went to bed and did a spreadsheet. What was work costing me, in real dollars? Mileage on my car, gas, dry cleaning, cleaning service, wardrobe upkeep, gifts for my staff, lunch at work, ordering in, nanny, etc.
Turns out, I really wasn’t bringing home much pay after all (even though my husband and I made the same amount of money). So we decided to stop the madness and, at the end of my maternity leave, I quit.
I’ve spent the last seven months realizing how much I needed to do at home and loving my daughters and the time we’ve been spending together. There’s still a lot of stress raising two children, one of whom is autistic (arranging all of her care is a full time job on its own), but I’ve felt really good about it, and lucky, too.
So, fast forward to March 1st. I decided to take on a contract job filling in for a maternity leave at my old company. They offered me good money and my dream schedule. I work 8:00-2:30 Mon-Thurs. I’m home by the time K gets home from school. Awesome right?
Wrong.
The problem is that it’s almost impossible to do the jobs that I love part time. Even with a supportive boss, I feel guilty every day leaving at 2:30. Then I race home and immediately jump into evening therapy classes, doing laundry, cooking dinner. I barely get to see my 11-month-old since her nap starts around 3:30 and once she’s awake I’m making dinner.
I have a great husband who shares the parenting responsibility when he’s home, but he works full time so it isn’t like he’s under less stress than I am.
I’m back to feeling like I’m doing a lousy job at work and at home. And I’m exhausted to boot. My husband and I are back to being partners instead of being partners. I’m losing all the ground that I gained in my seven months of “freedom.”
I’m trying to keep perspective and leave work at work, but I really wasn’t raised to do that and I’m fighting years of habit. On top of that, two weeks in and I’ve already been asked to stay late twice. Not an auspicious beginning.
I’m committed to another 3.5 months. After that, I’m going back to mommy-ing full time and writing my blog part time. It’s not anywhere near as lucrative, but at least I won’t be grinding my teeth at night and having work/stress dreams, and I’ll be there for my girls. Please let time go faster!
I hope my experience is an anomaly and that there are women out there “having it all.” I don’t want it all anymore. I just want to do two things really well. I want to be a great mom and a loving wife. I want to go home.
What are your experiences with part time work? Did it live up to your expectations?
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{ 47 comments… read them below or add one }
I don’t want it all anymore. I just want to do two things really well – once we reach this point of clarity we realize what’s doable for each of us. I’ve not worked part time, but I’ve worked flex time and that worked out pretty well. Flex only works if I have the flexibility to do what I WANT/NEED to do and not what the employer wants.
I just feel alot of what is written here is par for the course of motherhood – but we never knew until we were in it – you’re going to be tired, you’re going to multitask, your brain is always thinking about the next thing, there’s always myriad things to do – if you work outside the home and/or if you have a special needs child this compounds everything.
My mother raised 8 children – she used to work, she stopped…and then at some point she had to work again. She complained about all the work (at home) she had to do – so I always kind of knew it was hard and never really wanted it. When I became a mother, I rose to the challenge and did what I had to do.
I think we are all rising to the challenge. I never thought it would be easy to balance work and mommyhood. I grew up with a mom who worked and I saw how exhausting it was. The big difference is that she worked 9-5, occasionally stayed late, but never brought work home or had to go in on weekends. The difference was that society respected her mommy role as being just as important as her work role. I think we lost that along the way – corporate America really seems to not give a crap about your role outside of the office. Individual managers care, but the corporate structure says “treat your career as the most important thing in your life or you won’t succeed.”
People who prioritize their lives don’t get promoted and we are taught in college and certainly in business school that people who don’t get promoted are losers. That is further reinforced in the work place where those are the first people cut during layoffs.
I think there’s a better way, I think many people in other countries would agree. We’ve kind of lost our way here.
Linda raises a critical point – how supportive is your boss of your part time schedule? I went from full to part time when my first child was 1, and quickly realized that to my boss that meant, “Do your old job, just do it faster.” I left to join a company that hired me in at part time, and had sized the job to fit that schedule. My boss there was so supportive and respectful of my time constraints that on the rare occasions I had to work early or late, she would FORCE me to take comp time the next day, apologizing all the way. Can you imagine how much I cried when that company during the Dot Com bust? Those kinds of managers are worth twice their weight in gold.
Great letter…Women are not encouraged to save money before having kids for our “mommy life” in the future. We plan for retirement, why not this? It really hits us hard.
Recently, I read about how many women feel pressured to return to work by their husbands (even if they do not admit it). I could relate to that. My husband doesn’t pressure me overtly but says he doesn’t want to work until he dies. He actually started helping more around the house when I went back to work, too.
We are in a good situation where my working full-time is not an issue now because of his schedule and my son’s fondness of preschool. But we are considering another child and figuring out how I can be out of the workforce for 2 years. I was so glad I was able to do that with my first baby.
Oh and by the way — the only part-time options available seem to be in sales and would not make financial sense. My current job could totally go part-time I am very efficient with my mom brain. The problem? The company insists on the conforming mode: everyone at your desk 8-5PM. Even if your work is done…now you know why I post on your blog so much 🙂
That’s maddening. Well, at least you’re making good use of your work time. 😉
As I’ve posted here before, I worked part-time-I had Fridays off-for 8 years at a private school in Seattle. It was great. There were certainly times when I felt overwhelmed, but that was balanced by the sheer joy I felt going into work each day. I had a tremendously supportive boss, and a group of co-workers who had mostly all been mommies themselves, and so were also very supportive and understanding. The students and parents were also great.
I left the job when we moved out of state, tried teaching full-time and hated it. In part because of a work-place philosopy of “your lucky to have a job in this economy, we expect you to put in 110%.”
I’ve been a stay-at-home mom for two years now and want to go back to work part-time, but there seem to be no part-time jobs out there in education-few jobs at all, actually. I’m not really happy being a stay-at-home mom, but I’m not sure what options I have, since I won’t go back to work full time right now.
Ugh!
Glad you said you’re not happy being a SAHM – I wasnt either. Unfortunately I dont have any practical suggestions for finding a PT or flex time job – except (maybe) look at the FT jobs and if/when you’re interviewing see if there’s an option of something that would work for you.
A friend of mine works part time – full days (8-5) but on Tuesday, Wednesday & Thursday. I’d asked her about it because I was interested in trying to get that schedule for myself. She said not to do it. In her experience, as soon as she went part-time, she noticed her husband did far less around the house. She was stuck doing her job AND all of the house stuff. The two days “off” she had were spent running errands all day long, doctor’s appointments, cleaning, cooking, doing yard work – all of the “home stuff” that had been outsourced, shared or simply avoided when everyone worked full time.
Your friends schedule sounds like what I am going through right now… And literally clenching my jaw at night when I sleep… I feel like something’s not working.
I’m so glad I’m a work-at-home freelancer. Deliver a quality manuscript on time — that’s what’s expected of me, not attendance at meetings, coming up with SMART goals, face time, or any of that other nonsense. So that’s what makes my working life work, insofar as it works. Except that I still haven’t quite figured out my hours. Nor have I figured out how much I can reasonably expect to get done in those hours. In that sense, I suppose I’m a bad boss of myself. But I’m working on it.
“I don’t want it all anymore. I just want to do two things really well. I want to be a great mom and a loving wife. I want to go home.”
This is definitely me. I actually love my job and working in education I get alot of time off and my boss is very understanding about sick children, doctor’s appts, etc, being my responsibility. However, with only two days off a week I am killing myself to get everything done to keep the Health Department from shutting our house down and taking the kids away! Now with yard work added to it, its going to be impossible to keep laundry and other things caught up. So many of my mommy friends are just plain tired of the rat race and not being able to raise our kids but having to “out source” them to others (borrowing Janet’s term). Of course part-time would be some better. At least I would have more time at home. Like I told my hubby, I can’t clean it or cook it if I am not here!
This has been quite an eye opening one for me, so thanks for all the comments. I think, hope, that a lot of my problem is the kind of job I do. I know people who manage just fine in more creative fields where the end result is what’s important, not the day to day face time. Corporate jobs are so much about being in the meetings, keeping up on a constant stream of emails and a seemingly endless string of presentations to management…it’s just hard to do those jobs well without being there everyday, 8-10 hours a day.
Consulting is lucrative, and it is lovely to be paid for EVERY hour you work, but four months will be more than enough this year. I’ll go back to clipping coupons and wearing t-shirts from WalMart.
This really resonated for me as well: “I don’t want it all anymore. I just want to do two things really well. I want to be a great mom and a loving wife. I want to go home.”
I am/was a tenured college professor, which is a full-time job but with a very flexible schedule and the summers mostly off, so in some ways, like a part-time job. But although I made a salary I felt fine with, combined with my husband’s salary, it actually was still not enough to get our family some things we wanted in our urban life: a small house with a yard in a safe neighborhood, for example. So I’m quitting and we’re moving to a place where we can afford to live on one income.
I am of the belief that it’s POSSIBLE, still, to live on one income–you just have to be willing to move for it, make sacrifices for it, etc. We are going to be really rethinking our lives as consumers. We already are pretty politicized about how we use our buying power, but we’re going to have to be even more so. (No cable tv or new cars for us, for example!) I think it’s going to be challenging but I am hoping it will be satisfying, and not feel like total deprivation. One thing that helps is that we’re purposefully moving to a place where there are a lot of young families who are choosing to live on less, consume less, so we’ll have support and kinship and community. It’s hard to live on less in an urban or suburban place where everyone around you is buying MORE.
Also, this thought: I’m a professional poet, by which I mean that I have an established career and reputation in the poetry world. But poetry doesn’t sell. I make almost nothing from writing poems. (I’d say I make less than $1000/year.) But it’s still my “profession,” although teaching was ALSO my profession, and my paid job. I’m realizing I had not one but TWO professions in addition to mothering, one paid and one unpaid. And while I loved the paid one in some ways, I love the unpaid one, too, and it’s maybe even more important to me (and always got put last, behind my other duties). So I’m hoping, in my new life, to give more time to my unpaid work, but also struggling with how to do that in a capitalist culture where unpaid work is unvalued work.
Final thoughts for now: I kind of think everyone ought to work part-time. Full-time work just doesn’t leave enough time for living in this day and age. And I also think we need to keep pushing to redefine what it means to be “working” or “not working.” I am sure, for instance, that I’ll be working for pay again…probably doing SOME small things for small pay almost immediately, and probably doing quite a bit of work for pay at other points in my life. Almost no woman (or man) who leaves paid work for home when children are young never works for pay again, do they? We need language about temporary choices to work without pay, rather than defining ourselves as people who are not in the work force. It’s not permanent! (Though of course I hear and agree with everyone about how hard it is to get back in, and to find PT work…)
Where did you move? This place you describe sounds great!
I don’t want to hear these stories because to me, if I could only find that part-time job (3 or 4 days per week), my life would be PERFECT! I wouldn’t have a long absence and leave from the workforce on my resume, rendering me unemployable and unable to support myself when my husband leaves me for a younger woman during his mid-life crisis, and I could spend more time with my young children who probably at this point prefer the sitters over their stressed mom. Lol, I’m half-joking because I know there is no perfect solution, but wouldn’t it be nice if both parents each only had to work 3 or 4 days per week. We’d have time to be BORED!
I consider boredom a luxury I can’t afford.
Remember when boredom was a BAD thing? Me neither 🙂
There’s a BIG difference between bored and not busy. I am very busy-doing laundry, cleaning, managing the finances, doing the yardwork, caring for kids, schlepping kids, cooking, organiazing, etc. AND I am BORED OUT OF MY MIND!!!! All those things keep me busy, but do not allow me to be creative. When I worked part-time (four days a week so not so part-time) I was busy, and intellectually stimulated. I used to say my life was full-in a good way. Now I’m still busy, but sooooo bored.
Good point. Taking care of babies/kids can quite mind-numbingly boring, which is why I’ve been afraid to stop working completely. I fear I’ll go insane.
Yes, it was great for about the first 6 months, but now I’m definitely going insane. I joke with my husband that if I could just get a lobotomy, I wouldn’t miss using my brain.
I worked full time as a physical therapist until I had our daughter (now 2 yrs. old). I went back to work 3 days a week and also worked one weekend a month. At least one week a month I was working Fri, Sat., Sun, and Mon so it didn’t really feel like part-time and I really missed our daughter after barely seeing her for 4 days. Now I only work on Mondays and Wednesdays (8 hrs day), but I still have to do a weekend rotation about once every 5 wks. It is better, but not perfect. I will probably quit once we have a second child. We paid off all of my student loans ($45,000) and have about 18,000 left to pay for my husband’s. I guess it is kind of goal to be debt free, but the house when I start staying home more. In healthcare, there are a lot of options for prn (as needed) work. I may stay on with my current rehab hospital and work occasional weekends for them or occasional days when they have a lot of people off–kind of be a substitute physical therapist. I think that is all I will be able to handle with two children under 3.
I just finished working 3 days in a row and today I’m very tired and feeling crabby about all the work that has piled up–dirty floors, dirty laundry, straightening/putting away, toys everywhere, grocery shopping for Thanksgiving, cooking tonight’s meal, etc. Oh, and I also want to play with my adorable daughter and read to her and keep her out of trouble so it is hard to do the housework /cooking in the 2 hrs. she naps. I find myself feeling thankful to work part-time, but also feeling a bit like an underachiever. I really thought I would be able to be way more “on top of things” if I worked less. I think I had visions of being a perfect young Martha Stewart. You forget that taking care of a toddler is demanding, exhausting and full time work all by itself. And since my husband works full time + and I don’t, pretty much all of the housework falls to me (as I would expect more of it to fall to him if the situation was reversed)
I think that as young women, we have no idea how much work it is to run a household efficiently and well. It isn’t too hard when it’s just you and your spouse, but it gets infinitely harder with every child.
so grateful to have found this blog. i think I am going to have to go back to work and I’m just dreading it. I was laid off two years ago and then one month later found out (very very very unexpectedly) that I was pregnant with our third baby in five years! As you can imagine, this made things a bit difficult. In a bad economy people are just lining up to hire the pregnant lady. So, I decided I’d just settle into parenthood for a while – something I’d never done.
What I learned about myself and about my kids was just amazing. I realized just how “one note” my relationship had been with them. I think working parents “think” their relationship is the same – because how would they know otherwise – but its not – and I know for a fact that it is not.
I noticed things about my kids – my daugther, who I’d always just chalked up as “growing out of tantrums” it seems had a sensory processing issue and now my two year old has one as well. My son, is thirteen months now and just “coming alive” if you know what I mean.
My husband lost his job six months ago. I said I’d give it to Dec and well, its December. I keep waiting for a miracle but I think I AM the miracle. I have an MBA and I’ve never really cashed it in. I had my daughter just two montsh after graduation.
My husband took a gig managing a campaign – the title is worth the MAJOR pay cut – I mean major, and while I tell myself it won’t be forever, I’m not sure I’m okay with it at all. The contract gig he took only goes through May, so what then? Maybe sometime full time will materialize but maybe it won’t. What then? We aren’t at risk for losing our house or anything but I’m looking around at all of this bull shit I have around me and I’m wondering why do I have all this crap? My second car? HBO? I know that sounds dumb but if you had three kids under five and you never went out, you might get HBO, too 🙂 I could trim, ther eis always more I could trim.
At the end of the day though I’m wondering if, in fact, I’m the one being selfish not wanting to go back to work. Am I putting my family at risk? Honestly, I can’t say. I don’t know. How will I feel when I have to be at work from 8-5 M-F – I can tell you that one – awful.
I wish we had family around but alas, we don’t at the moment.
Anyways, insight is welcome but really, it is just great to find a group of smart women who get it.
I think I know what you mean. I always feel closer to my kids after a school vacation and they’ve been home with me for a few weeks. It’s different. I’m different. I tune in in a different way.
I don’t know what the answer is about working or not working. It’s so individual. For me, I really need to work. My ego needs it. I think my marriage needs it. And my bank account needs it. (Although I’m with you on not needing lots of stuff. We’ve given up on the idea of getting a bigger house in a nicer neighborhood. Not worth the stress.)
Wow. Been there, still doing that. Have high-need 4 year old and 10 month old, work technically flextime freelance but hey it’s really more like full time (and I’ve been essentially the breadwinner for past 5 years so it’s not like much choice?). Last year worked extra hard in anticipation of needing time off for the new baby since it’s not like I have secured savings; eldest child fell apart during that time of not seeing mommy. I didn’t want to work so much and still don’t but our savings are so slim now as hubby started a start up – good for him! and us hopefully one day … every month I run the numbers and look that I need to do just that much more work. That said, I am super grateful that I have been getting work, and have had enough childcare to make it work (I also work when they are napping, with the baby nursing on my lap, at night, etc. And weekends, of course.) I guess I’m just tired hehe…I know on one hand it’s so important to stay in the workforce and hell, we need some earnings from me, at the same time I would love to cut back a little and make sure I can pay the kids a bit of attention especially helping the big one curb and guide her impulses.
trained in early childhood education, working part time 3 days per week in a completely different field (retail banking manager of frontline staff) – i find myself wishing i was at home when i am at work, and wishing i was at work when i am home. when i step back and truly examine the underlying truth below the surface of that statment, i realize that it is the time as a complete family (hubby, and my two three year old (born nine months apart) children that i am wanting. Currently, when i am at work, hubby is home with the kids. When I am home, hubby is working. There is no down time for us as a couple, and no me time unless I am on the brink (or past it most of the time) and abandon everything for 2 hours to myself usually running errands. These are the grunt years. our 30’s (if you are in young married family situation) blur by in a race to “at least we’re better off than so-and-so” and at the end of it all (or so I am told from others’ experiences) we are exhausted mentally, physically shells of our true selves and on the road to misery of alone together (or cheating on the side). i don’t want to have it all. i already do. health, love, family, shelter and food. rather than complain about my work it’s about time to enjoy the fruits of my slavery to others for the past decade and relish a bit of boredom here and there – it’s not boredom, it’s a nicely needed dose of self imposed time out that should be a regular part of every day – even if it’s only five minutes of quiet while the kids are glued to the tube.
I worked full-time and had been at the same company for 3 years when I had my first daughter (I was an administrative/executive assistant), came back after 12 weeks maternity leave and 3 years later, when I had my second daughter, I just couldn’t go back to work. I stayed home with my girls for 2 years and it was wonderful! But we were broke and had school tuition to pay so I found “the perfect mom-back-to-work” job – at a college, M-Th from 9-2. I was able to drop off at school at 8 and be back at school to pick up at 3. Fridays off to volunteer at school and get things done at home. AND I had summers off, winter break with the girls, etc.
But we are still broke, doing fine but not getting ahead and now, both my girls are in school all day so I’m looking for a full time, regular job. I’m waffling between being excited to rejoin the conventional workforce and freaking out/panicking that I’m walking away from the perfect set up at my current job.
I’m so glad I found this blog. Up until 8 months ago I worked at my sons preschool and it was perfect…until I was assigned to be my 1 year olds teacher. I just wasn’t happy, so I left and stayed home with my boys. It was okay, but I found myself irritable and craving something of my own. So 3 months ago the opportunity to go back to work part time came along with a company I where I have been an on again off again employee for close to 10 years. The idea was simple, work 2-3 days in the office and the rest from home, about 25 hours per week. However, the work doesn’t end when I have to pick the kids up from preschool or when I leave the office. I’m always “on”, or that’s how it feels.
I’ve already been late picking the kids up from school, had to have my husband leave work to pick up the kids, had to have my husband work a half day so I could work an evening event and now we have three more events in a row that are evening events where I’m either going to have to pay for a babysitter or have my husband take off from work to care for them. I make good money, but I don’t want to spend the extra money on babysitters every week and it doesn’t make sense for my husband to waste valuable vacation time for my job. I just don’t want to be seen as a quitter. There is no work life balance. Oh and did I mention that the business I am in means working close to 35 weekends a year? So not only do I work every week day (even if at home) I also have to work most Saturdays, which means missing out on Teeball games, soccer, etc. The work life balance seems nonexistent and now I feel like a quitter because its only been 2 months and because while I see so many people struggling to find a job, I feel guilty that I want to leave mine. And because I’m so stressed about getting it all done, I find myself still irritable with my children. I realize that I don’t want it all, I just want to be happy and fulfilled. I guess I though working would do that, but all it’s done is make life more difficult even though financially it’s easier. Is it wrong that I’d rather struggle financially than work miserably?
“Is it wrong that I’d rather struggle financially than work miserably?”
No, it’s just wrong that you and so many people have to choose.
YOU’VE ARTICULATED IT! At age 54, I’m raising a 9 yr. old son, a 14 yr. old adopted daughter with ODD, RAD, ADD, etc. behavioral disorders, launching an 18 yr. old into college, and guiding a 21 yr. old young adult who’s a college senior. For the past 5 yrs., I ‘ve freelanced providing editorial services to the publishing industry. Just 2 wks. ago took a full-time art teaching sub position that will last two months (if I do). My family is a mess. There is no time for joy and real living; my husband and I celebrated 25 yrs. of marriage with no celebration at all…..this isn’t living. I quit. It all looks good on paper – sucks in real life. The kicker is I have a keen intelligence and ambitions that I would love to satisfy as an information architect. I’d be damn good at it too. But not at the expense of my family, my self, and my values. Dang. Have it all. No, can’t. Maybe if the special needs Kryptonite teen daughter wasn’t killing Superwoman. But, she’s what we unknowingly signed up for after all when we adopted her at 1-1/2 yrs. old.
I have a job that runs me ragged and is very stressful. I went part time on return from maternity leave but it’s even worse as i cram five days into four. The only thing keeping me there right now is the need to have enough pay checks in the bank to get a mortgage so that we can move house in a few months. Once that’s secured, I will resign and find some contract work until I can find a real job with balance. Maybe I’m searching for the holy grail but it shouldn’t be so difficult to find flexible working jobs that pay a decent wage, so why is it? Some mornings I have palpatations or feel physically sick at the thought of spending another day in such a stressful environment and I frequently seriously consider resigning. I just want to be a good Mom and spend quality time with my child. I don’t want his early years to be all about ‘Mommy went to work’. Life is just too short.
IM not a mum i don’t want children what annoys me is single 43 yr old woman wants part time cushy 8-2 8-3 m-f hours or maybe m-t off weekends why should people with children always demand these hours ..i also want Time to get home go shopping workout bake, chill..so im sorry but people with child shouldn’t be priortised for these hours i want them too.im through will full time in tired and need my social life not work myself into an early grave.i work to live not the other way round
wow. this is so beyond ignorant. I’m glad you don’t have children.
I am so glad I found this article! The last two weeks (and more) I’ve been going through a complete sanity meltdown and realized I cannot do full-time worker and full-time mother. In truth, I’m not all there as a mother working full-time and I do not want to be a part-time mother. I want to be that mother who can come into class and read a story or help with a field trip. I’m also still that self-motivated woman who wants to have accomplishments of her own. I’ve got a just-turned four year old and he needs one of his very loving parents to actually be 100% about him. I do not get a re-do as a parent but if the career is meant to happen, it will. I will.
So I’ve been working on my resignation letter this morning, hoping I can adjust to part-time, but really leaving it to be whatever happens happen. I’m just glad to hear other women struggle with these choices and emotions.
Well this is encouraging that my life is not an anomoly. That, in fact other moms struggle with thinking working part-time is the answer. I agree – it’s not. I can be if you really want it to be, but I’ve realized I don’t. I am going to be quitting my job of almost 2 years. It’s been a struggle for my husband to understand why I like having a job at all right now. But, we fight constantly and my kids really need a more positive environment and more consistentancy in their schedule. I’m just glad to hear others struggle too!
I have zero respect for such women… Part-time work is too hard!!!!! Cry me a river!!!! Please, step into the REAL world with REAL women, and they will eat these sissies alive! Men beware and steer clear of these leeches!! And Yes, I’m a woman……Real women work full-time when pregnant, nursing, and thereafter…
You have some sanity issues, Jill. It’s pretty pathetic how sadistic you are towards working women. Most women don’t even nurse that long in America btw. Do you know why? Because they work too long of hours. Like, wow. You’re so insane.
It’s called pumping.
Real women are those that are not plastic or metal, but that have a beating heart. Every person must decide what is best for her or him. Each of us has our own path to create and shouldn’t trail behind another person’s path. While it’s great that apparent stone superwomen exist and can hire someone to raise her children for her, it’s also wonderful to read that I’m not the only professional woman who struggles with wanting to continue my career and also raise my beautiful children.
When salaried, I worked 60+ hours per week and saw my children only minutes before they went to bed and minutes before I rushed off to work, or on some weekends when I was working from home. I pumped milk to, from and while at work, but struggled to get enough for the amount of time they were away from me.
I loved my career, but love my children more. So I jumped at the first opportunity for the extremely rare part-time position in my field. Now I miss work a bit because I’m expected to do far less than I’m capable of, but am glad to be able to be a mom and be in my little’s lives. No solution is perfect, but getting myself happier and happier children was my goal.
Women aren’t meant to be men. We don’t need to try to be superwomen either. Just be the best you, and don’t be afraid to talk to your superiors at work about things that could benefit both you and the company.
Reading this makes me cherish my working situation–I have a part time/flex job and a 6 month old. My boss is incredibly understanding of family priorities, mostly because he holds his own family as a prioroty. I received a promotion into a part time management position during my maternity leave with the ability to manage projects remotely. Although I took a promotion I ultimately received a pay cut in order to go part time, but the pay cut is worth the flexibility. Before I left for maternity leave I was transparent about my concerns of becoming a new parent and potentially working part time. I didn’t want to lose everything I had worked so hard for in our company and my career but also wanted to be the primary caregiver for my son while he is young. I also didn’t want to feel pressured to work when I was up for 3am feedings, etc. I put it all on the table and suggested three possible solutions in the form of jobs and responsibilities that would benefit the company as well as my desired lifestyle. We negotiated and I ended up in the rare situation of receiving a predictable part-time salary for a part time flexible management position. Our company measures employee productivity on output rather than time. I definitely work hard to communicate well and to manage the expectations of that output of my part time work so that part time is actually part time. Some weeks I put in more hours than others and the balance has been difficult to find, but 3.5 months in–I recognize what a good situation I’m in and time management is becoming easier. Not everyone can risk suggesting new company-enhancing roles that fit the desired work/life balance, but my situation is an example of how sometimes those conversations work out really well for both company and parent.
You imply that loving your sprogs more than work means you don’t go to work ft. That’s backhanded and it’s comments like that that let some of us know that sahms and pt-er mom’s feel inadequate. I’m raising kids AND making sure they see me ACHIEVE. Familiarity breeds contempt after a point. Kids whose mom’s stay home or curb their work end up pitying and sort of… resenting their mothers for it. Often on an unconscious level.
I feel as if I am reading my own thought. I currently work part time. I have a husband who works opposite hours, a 4 yr old in pre school (2.15) hrs a day, and a baby in the way in 6 weeks.
I feel like I never see my husband, except for “shift” change, and I’m always annoyed being around my kid alone because I never have a free moment to myself.
I want so desperately to not return after maternity leave but I’m not sure if we can make it work financially.
All I want is to be a great Mom and wife and I feel like I am failing at life. I want to be more than a roommate, maid, cook, and babysitter to my husband.
Work is comfortable and nice like an Oreo cookie. The truth is its one of those job where you can never move up and it’s not challenging.
I’d rather have my Oreos with my kids and husband, laughing and being goofy.
What do I need to do to make this happen.
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Part time work when kids are in school is ideal because it gives enough flexibility so when kids are sick or have weird days off from school employers are inclined to let you stay home with them. Part time work generally is low pay, but it gets us out of the house and gives better flexibility. I’ll take it rather than the full time grind! Home life is more stressful for full time working women cuz THEY ARE AT WORK MORE THAN EIGHT HOURS IN A DAY!!!
I work part time as a chiropractor and I love it! I’m only away from my kids about 4.5 hours a day 5 days a week though. Being gone for at least 6.5 hours a day sounds hard. I also eat out a lot which helps. It can be done! If you go to aspiringmormonwomen.org there are many other stories of other successful women who work part time
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