My friend Connie just celebrated her 65th birthday with a wild party at her friend’s house in West Oakland.
The party started at 8 pm on a Saturday. Normally I turn down all invitations that begin at my kids’ bedtime. Even if I can get a babysitter, waking up at 6 am with a two-year-old has a way of taking the fun out of staying out late. But this was special. How many senior citizens do you know who celebrate their birthdays with a live blues band and authentic Russian food?
Brian stayed home with the kids; I went alone and had a fabulous time. When I got there, Lady Bianca (who used to play with Van Morrison) sat at the piano and the rest of her band took their instruments. Soon there was a roisterous, multi-generational crowd clapping their hands and dancing in the tiny living room, with more spilling out into the hall.
Between sets, I squeezed onto the couch with a plate of beets, four different kinds of potatoes, and pickled mushrooms, (Russian food is good!) and started talking with one of Connie’s friends who looked like she was in her late 40s. She told me that she doesn’t go out much, either.
“You have kids?” I asked.
“No. My mom is elderly,” she said. “She’s bedridden.”
“She lives with you?”
“Yeah,” she told me. “She’s been with me for years. She needs constant care now. It’s really hard. I had to cut my work hours so I can be home with her.”
“What about when you’re working?”
“Someone comes to the house on the days I work, which is a godsend, but it’s expensive. So you know, I don’t go out much any more. Not a lot of parties. No movies.”
“Jeez,” I said. “It sounds like raising kids but more depressing.”
“That’s exactly what it’s like,” she said. “There’s no hope they’re going to get better and become independent.”
It was time to sing Happy Birthday. We helped light the 65 candles on 65 cupcakes. Several people gave a toast to Connie, including me. I said she gave me an idea of how I’d like to be when I’m 65.
Then the band started up again. I would have loved to stay, but it was past ten already. Connie’s friend and I wished each other luck and said our goodbyes to everyone. We both had to get up in the morning.
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Katrina: What a breath of fresh air! I can see a jovial 65 year old in my mind having joy and spreading joy. Thanks for sharing.